february eve.

it started out poorly...

-didn't sleep well.
-poked matt in the face in the middle of the nice (seriously, wtf?!?).
-woke up in a haze.
-could. not. decide. what. to. wear. I put on eight things. I haven't had one of those days in a while.
-found out my project director didn't even LOOK at the spreadsheet I stayed here until 650 finishing.
-and my nose hurt.

however...

now jackie and I have a hotel. and my 1099 came so I can get my tax refund (but damn them for taking 33%). and though work is TERRIBLY hectic, and I have WAY too much to do today, it's going alright.

if I can only make it til tonight and get everything finished. if only...

equal opportunity.

the panhellenic happy hour went well. not as many people attended as had said they would, but it was still fun and I'm glad we planned it. and by "we" I mean "me."

afterwards I went to the grocery store to get chicken, salmon, tomatoes, naked juice, adobo seasoning, goya, granola bars and beer. I went to pay my bill and was told I couldn't use my coupon for $10 off a $50 purchase because my total was only $42 without the alcohol. the guy behind me thought I was HILARIOUS because I bought two packs of gum, two sodas and a copy of our state magazine to raise my total. funny funny.

if there hadn't been someone behind me I'd've gotten a jug of OJ and some gouda cheese instead, but I had thought about picking up the magazine and I do chew gum when I can't brush my teeth after meals, so it wasn't all bad.

oh and although the fine print on the coupon didn't say "no wine or beer" it did say "excluding items prohibited by law." and I guess you have to have "equal opportunity coupons." interesting, eh?

also, remember a while ago when I got really excited about this? (see: paragraph under list.) well, I met with my mentor today, who is a man in that group, and he let me know that a)he and his boss are still totally interested in having me work for them part time, like before and b)they have opened two new positions in their group. they're starting work with a place in the united arab emirates, and they need new people. um, how cool is THAT?!? I'd get to live here, but they might have me travel a skosh too, which I'm down with.

so yeah, I'll be applying for that as soon as it's "up." Right now only the one with 0-3 years of experience is up. I have 4.156 years of post-graduate work experience, so I have to wait until the 4-7 year one comes up, but that should be today or tomorrow. I mean, it's not a done deal or anything, and even if this doesn't work out they're totally interested in having me part time, but I am pleased at the possibility. pleased as punch.

and natalie dee always makes me laugh. this one is old, but since I've been paying more attention to the politic-ee stuff recently, I had to add something. and besides, y'all like posts with pictures better anyway.

your questions are wise beyond your years.

~lady at church

um, so this is neat. I mean, even if you think Grey's Anatomy is a lame show, it's still got a pretty awesome soundtrack. so if you hear a song you like, this just might be a good place to check.

I went to the church meeting last night--we're talking about expanding, and though I must admit I talked more than anyone else (surprise, surprise) I think I asked really good questions and I contradicted exactly no one. Since I generally find myself recruiting people to being on my side of the fence, this was refreshing. I asked/suggested things like:

-you're only starting in 2003, since we added another service in 2004. what happened before that? is this growth typical?
-this isn't quantifiable, but have we considered how much of our attendance has to do with our pastor who's been here for fifteen years? (the conference can move him elsewhere any time they want, basically)
-speaking of the conference, what's their plan for new churches in the area? if we expand are we taking membership from the new churches they want to form?
-if we can't afford to make our new building "green" at the beginning, because I realize that costs more, could we please at least get our building ready to accept "green" things--allotting space for future implementation?

etc.

I was also bothered by the fact that the average attendance graph had decimal points. I realize it's an average, but c'mon, there are no fractions of people attending my church.

and? I am still boggled by this--an entire third of the attendees of this church are under eighteen. a THIRD. that's HUGE. wowzers.

last night after the meeting I made myself caesar salad, garlic bread and cheese tortellini and sat on my butt and finished watching 3:10 to Yuma. It was actually really good. and I had no idea it was a remake! Also, I was happy to see the dude from Six Feet Under (Claire's creepy stoner boyfriend with the blue blue eyes, Russell) and the dude from Firefly/Serenity, Alan Tudyk, Mister "I am a leaf on the wind - watch how I soar."

and today I broke down and contacted my doc--because I have this persistent tingly ache in my nose and the roof of my mouth, and tylenol doesn't make it go away. I sure hope there's a painkiller stronger than tylenol that still leaves you functional. And I'm quite certain that this problem isn't being helped by my trouble sleeping--because if I can't sleep I'm not doing that rejuvenating thing, and then I'm in a nice little stagnant cycle. I mean, I'm still improving a tiny bit each day, and I'm uber excited about taking vitamins on friday, but this is still pretty sucky and I don't like it. we'll see what he says.

tonight, panhellenic happy hour, which I imagine I'll be at for, oh, exactly an hour. I don't think I can handle much more! but I'm excited since 15-20 people will be there, and that's a good turnout for a panhell event. we shall see. I'm sure I'll take pictures. :)

feedback.

I, like Corrie, am a HUGE fan of providing feedback. I feel like if the experience is good or bad enough for me to share it with my friends/family, then I should let a manager know too.

I just called the hospital I had my sinus surgery in to let them know that
a)Rose and Kim, my pre-op nurses, were WONDERFUL and really made getting the IV and my waiting time the best it could be,
b)Judy, one of my post-op nurses, who helped me to the bathroom and helped me back when I was fainting was incredible, that her no-nonsense, no-more-apologizing attitude was perfect and that I really appreciated her help, and
c)that the nurse who gave me my ice and especially the nurse who was typing in the computer (the one with the sandpaper covered stick up her butt) really made an already miserable experience even worse.

I did admit that I am anxious about needles and faint rather easily, and that I understand that it can be frustrating on the post-op end 'cause everyone feels so crummy, and that I realize that the sandpaper nurse might've just been having a bad day.

but the woman on the phone was nice, said thanks for the feedback, that I am right I should not have been treated like that, even if Nurse Sandpaper was having a bad day, asked if she could pull my medical records and said that she would follow up with the appropriate supervisors to let them know my praises and concerns.

and that? that makes me a feel a little vindicated. I mean, I don't want anybody to get fired or anything, but I also don't want the post-op nurses to continue to treat others so rudely. And I want those who are going above and beyond to benefit from it too.

so yeah, feedback. I'm glad I gave it.

meh.

um, this is a kind of ramble-ee post, sorry...

I started this blog talking about the cat hair covering my fleece this morning, and how I had to change clothes after I tried to lint roller it three times. this is bor--ing! 'course, I'm not promising that the rest of it won't be...

I bought yogurt yesterday. yogurt, bananas, grapes and gatorade. I was waiting to do my "real" shopping until tonight or tomorrow 'cause I have this awesome $10 off a $50 purchase at Lowe's Foods thing (um, 20% off, hello?!?) but in my haste I bought the wrong kind of yogurt. i don't want or like the mix-the-fruit-in type. I mean, isn't eating yogurt kind of an accomplishment in itself? Don't get me wrong, I like yogurt. But I don't need to get such-and-such kind 'cause it's point oh-seven-three-one percent more healthy, am I right?

so, I'm still waaaaaaaaay tired. I get tired after drying my hair. Or playing a game of clue. Or after carrying clean laundry upstairs. Matt reminded me that the Carrie version of taking it easy isn't quite a normal person's version of taking it easy. That might have something to do with it.

oh yeah, Matt finished his Hundred Beers at Bub O'Malleys on Friday. We had some yummy McAlisters and then he drank his last four and started another card. I started a card too--though we've agreed that he'll likely finish TWO more cards before I finish my one! So here he is drinking his last of the 100, and the other picture shows you the name of it. It wasn't entirely on purpose, but the last time we were there, when he only had eight left, he saw that was one of his choices and decided it needed to be #100. and I can't say I blame him.

you already know that I went to try and buy the camera on Saturday, but what you don't know is that it's officially mine! I paid for it on Sunday afternoon after I got my "plumbing emergency" supplies (which, by the way, has been taken care of. nothing drano and a plunger couldn't fix). I also got a flash and a few other little things. My camera should arrive later this week. There's one bummer though--the other canon lenses I have aren't going to fit, I don't think. Or at least my new lens doesn't fit that camera body. It's a bit of a bummer, but it'll be okay. I will get a telephoto lens some day, and until then, I'm sure I'll be happy with what I've got. :)

sunday there was a little kd party, with good snacks, pleasant company and fun activities. I made two cards but was too tired to make the sack of chocolates for valentines. the one in this picture wasn't what she "wanted" us to make, but both cards were birthday cards and I like flowers better than balloons, so I improvised. :) I went home to nap, and then met Matt at the mall--we each needed to go to one store, and figured we'd then have dinner together.

*begin skin-care tangent*
and can I tell you, this stuff from origins is worth every single penny. I have been using it twice a week for, what, three weeks now, and it has made a huge difference. I use it like you do it you have "sensitive skin" but it works for all skin types.

also, for those of you who don't know, I had thick, disgusting, painful thirteen-year-old-boy-acne from when I was ten (when people would call me "pizza face" and say "look out for mount st. carrie, she's gonna blow!") until I was, oh, sixteen or seventeen, when I went on accutane for a bit. though it was a low dose I had to sign an agreement to abort if I became pregnant (just a formality since I wasn't having sex, but still), and the summer after high school, when I was 18, a woman who came through my line at stein mart told me what beautiful skin I had and kind of made my life.

anyway, the benefits of accutane eventually go away, and you can take it a second time and it's said you're good for life, but it's risky--especially considering that now all I have is very sensitive, very oily skin, large pores and the occasional breakout. like seriously sometimes I've looked at my face and thought "when did I get little freckles on my nose? oooooooh. " so for the past two years i've been trying prescription stuff, most of which is $70 a pop plus the $35 office visit, and it just hasn't cut the mustard. anyway, decided to try origins. and this stuff alone is the cost of an office visit, and I've loved this stuff since Claire Danes said she used it in a magazine.

long story short, I bought this modern friction stuff after my trial run since it's done so awesome the past three weeks, and I'm trying two other face products to see if they cause improvement, too. but I am STOKED because this stuff is cheaper than prescription stuff AND it's working AND it doesn't expire after two months like quite a few of the acne prescription products do. yay!

*end skin-care tangent*

I want it to be time to go home. And I don't know that I'm going to feel up to going to my church meeting tonight, where we'll discuss the plans for our new church building, but I really really wanna go. we shall see.

also, I may be re-opening the possibilities for grad school. NC State has environmental engineering as a separate degree (it's still not something you can do online though unless you want the masters of engineering instead of masters of science, which I don't). but anyway, there are one, two, three different options. unfortch this is under the civil engineering umbrella, not chemical engineering, so I need to place some phone calls or send some emails and find out how much "catch up" I'd need to do...but it's got me thinking.

like someone punched me in the face.

so, I keep forgetting to take my tylenol on time. I've also switched to regular strength instead of extra strength, so that's probably not helping. and sometimes the tylenol helps for six hours, and sometimes only three or four...it varies.

but yesterday afternoon, once I FINALLY woke up (I must've been exhausted--I slept until 130, though admittedly I did go to bed kind of late, which I'll tell you about when I have my pictures downloaded) and had something to eat I took my tylenol, and it felt like it did. not. kick. in. for. ev. er.

also, apparently, if I DO get to buy my camera, it will be the very last one in the entire company of wolf camera. yeah. I want to buy the body by itself, and buy the lens that comes standard, except buy it with image stabilization. which costs exactly the same. however, canon/wolf camera is only going to offer the "kits"--body plus same lens w/o image stabilization--and those kits cost EXACTLY the same as what I want, which is an upgrade, so of course that's what I want to get.

anyway, I can't believe that there is ONLY ONE of what I want left. what the hell?

okay, time to go buy some draino and a plunger. I love indoor plumbing, but I hate indoor plumbing problems. ick.

dear february.

dear february--

mister february, that is. (you see, i've decided that your relentless cold and your likely-inadvertent crummy ways indicate you're probably male. because only a male would put a hallmark holiday in the middle of an otherwise icky month thinking it would make it better. no offense to the male half(ish) of the race in general, or even to you, really, but sometimes y'all are clueless and totally unaware. but i digress...)

so anyway, dear sir, i'd like to request a truce, please. a deal. an arrangement. an agreement. i know it's a week until you begin, but i'm tired of harboring resentment, and i'm tired from the last six months of stomach/nose drama and sad family stuff and money weirdness, and i think i'd like to make a deal.

i won't say anything bad about you anymore if you'll let me *enjoy* you, the shortest month of the year, instead of counting down the days until you're over. i realize that's asking a lot--what with you having an extra day this year and all--but i've got a fun trip planned, and i get to give people girl scout cookies, and my nose should be all better and i've organized a panty exchange and i get to go to a place called "mad hatter's" which automatically gets props because of my favorite book and there's the youth dinner theater and PLEASE.

please.

here's hoping we have have reached an accord...

with sincerest gratitude (in advance),
carrie

"i [solve equations] in my sleep, baby--what's my sin?"

~rent (sort of!)

so yeah, I didn't mean for this to happen, but today's post? totally brought to you by the letter b.

better off dead.
watched it wednesday night. it had been a loooooong time. and I sure do love john cusack. and i had some pei wei for dinner. and I took gobi for a ride. he looooooves the car. we went to pick up my dinner and then made a deposit at the bank. it was great! by the way, that's him on my shoulder just before we left the bank. you can see my hair on the left side of the picture. and last night matt and I watched good luck chuck, which is TOTALLY funny and well worth the rent. if you haven't seen it, watch it. there's a scene that implies something really really disgusting, but other than that, it's terribly hilarious. and um, not for the shy. at least not the unrated version. ps? i love my boyfriend. he is wonderful, and he makes me laugh, and he gives the best hugs in the world. for the record, I'm not the only girl who says that, either.

bright.
I finally brought my coffee cup to my desk. the one from renee and jess that was full of lowers and has a HUGE yellow smiley face on it. and I brought the pringles can cupholder I decorated with star beads when I was fourteen while on the phone with sterling. and I've had the tea tin for a while. that plus my orange polkadot coffee cup (from big lots) and my orange and yellow nalgene bottle and my mango tango naked juice (also yellow and orange) are making for a cheery desk. which was unintentional, but I NEED it.

bubbles.
I took a bath again wednesday night. and read. and had a glass of wine. and my nose is so thankful. it likes baths waaaaaaaay better than showers. speaking of which...

blowing my nose.
I feel like I'm doing that every five minutes and you could set a clock by it. I'm definitely feeling run down and I'm having A LOT of trouble getting up in the morning. even when I've gotten nine hours of sleep. and my cheekbones hurt. but one day, some day it will all be worth it. oh and this stuff? (the sinus rinse) makes my life better.

blue, no green.
nc greenpower. it's this organization, right? and donating money to it results in well, more greenpower in NC. If I gave $28 a month I could environmentally offset the carbon footprint contribution from driving my car every day. I'm not going to do that, but I think I might have to give something. even $4 a month is like planting 150 trees. I need to do more research, but this seems promising.

bed.
night before last both of my wonderful kitties cuddled with me--it was fantastic. and at one point in the evening, I realized through my groggy sleepiness that in my dream I was working out some complex equation. I haven't had math in YEARS, so this was a little strange, but not entirely unprecedented. you kds remember skiles? she liked to remind me of how, in days of yore, I was naming organic compounds in my sleep. oh, oh, how I loved living in the ghetto. my suitemates ruled. oh, college. don't wanna go back, but I miss it sometimes anyway.

boy-oh-boy-oh-boy.
♥I'm buying my camera tomorrow. I found out that canon is coming out with an even spiffier model, the xsi, in april, but I don't think it's worth the wait. I mean, this is my "beginner" SLR, which could totally last me for the whole rest of my life OR which I can replace at some point and just keep my lenses. and 10.1 megapixels is a plenty for now. as melissa pointed out, sure, I'd notice the difference between the 12.2 and the 10.1--except I'm not gonna have 'em side by side for comparison, so I won't know the difference.
♥tomorrow I get to meet nicole and dave's newborn, lucas.
♥I may have found coffee tables. we'll see if they're still available and if they look good, but if they do? I'm totally buying them. and perhaps I'll be buying some other ones for upstairs soon, too. from ikea. y'know, when I'M IN DC WITH JACKIE! Can I TELL you how excited I am?!?
♥in one week I am allowed to take vitamins. I've never been looking forward to taking vitamins so much ever before. and I can have ibuprofen. and exercise however much I can handle. (right now only "light exercise." you know, like walking. yeesh.
♥tonight I will get to have a fajita spud from McAlister's, and then Matt and I are going to Bub's so he can finish his "card." I'm a skosh nervous about the potential smokiness of the bar, but I think I can handle it for the duration of four beers. And if I'm getting miserable? I'll just step outside for some cold fresh air. :)

happy friday y'all.

i find it kind of amusing/ironic...

that I am totally okay with not having a really clear vision/path/whatever for my life (as a matter of fact it's a list of wants and do-not-wants, all nebulous and imprecise) but it's really important for me to know everything that's on my schedule already. like even until july.

i guess this way it's already set(ish) and I don't have to think about it? yeah, maybe.

things that begin with the letter "a"

acetaminophen.
holy crap this stuff is REALLY important right now. I forgot to take it right when I got up, which was already past the six hour mark, and I ended up not realizing what was going on until about 10am. I was just "dude, why do I feel so awful? I felt better yesterday!?!" yeah. take your tylenol, carrie, take your tylenol.

address labels.
um, how many of these do I really need? really? because off the top of my head I can think of...one, two, three, four, five...six...seven, at least seven sets of address labels I've gotten in the past three months. I've never gotten this many before. how did I end up on all these mailing lists? at least these ones are cute and spring like. and since they're here? I'm using them. And I'd send 'em five bucks since I like them, but then the amount of mail I'll get from them will quadruple. le sigh.

activity.
this is still kind of at a minimum. I'm skipping girl scouts today and doing as little as possible. hooray for shirking responsibility! :) seriously though. last night matt and I watched two movies and put the remaining four pieces in our puzzle. that's how lame I'm being. of course, he loved it, since he's such an avid movie watcher. we saw A Scanner Darkly and Sunshine. Neither were amazing, but they were both worth seeing once.

acquisitions.
I am buying my camera on saturday and I am suuuuuper excited. I think I'm going to get the backpack that melissa recommended for my "case"--not positive, but pretty sure. I wish I could find a place to try it on instead of buying online, but maybe amazon will be reasonable if I want to return it? It just seems well suited to having more than the camera in it, and I figure if I use both straps (remember when that was dorky? and now that I'm older it seems like the practical thing to do?) it will keep whatever I'm not using out of my way while I take the photos. we shall see.

advance planning.
I have started to look for flights for the summer for the two weddings I'm in. It's cracking me up because everything to everywhere is $250 on northwest. I keep having to double check that I'm not doing the same search over and over.

accomplishment.
like I said, we finished the puzzle. and I'm getting things off of my list of "to-do's." and I'm making other lists--like things I want to purchase and topics I need to research and things like that. and apparently I'm being considered for one of those who's who things, which is lame but it doesn't cost anything and it's another thing on my resume, so I might do it. and I finally sent in that photo of me against the brick wall. I chose the horizontal one. I bet I'll take a picture of the page when I get in the KD magazine. :)

art.
I need to do some. I miss it. I want to paint something with lots of yellow and green and orange because I want some springtime. Perhaps I will make myself paint whenever the february funk shows up. :)

appetite.
I don't have one. It went away. I sure wish it would come back.

attention span.
yeah, that's pretty much non-existent too. eh, whatev. better than apathy. :)

huh.

so, in addition to the like, oh $70 I spent on medical stuff like saline and gauze and bacitracin, I just saw that my surgery cost $22,352.45. wait, that looks more impressive if I type it out.

twenty-two thousand, three hundred fifty-two dollars and forty-five cents.

geez louise. glad I'm not paying that much!!!! can you imagine? I mean, that's more than my brand new car cost. for realz.

I've started doing My Coke Rewards. If you find you have codes laying around and don't want them, please pass them my way. I doubt this is the case, but that's okay. :) and do y'all remember the pepsi points of yesteryear? I remember getting a towel or something. and looking at a little catalog. weird.

I'm having a panty exchange party in february. You email me your size, and I'll tell you the sizes of the pairs you need to buy. Then we all get together and exchange. It's random and fun and an idea I TOTALLY stole borrowed from my friend Jessica. It should be fun. If you're interested and I neglected to invite you, please email me. My bad for the oversight!

Also, girl scout cookies are for sale, right? Did you know that the Oklahoma cookies are different than the North Carolina cookies? weird.

AND they're trying to say the Chalet cookies are brand new, but I'm here to tell you, they ARE NOT. I sold them as a little girl and they were one of my faves 'cause you could squish the filling through the holes in the cookies and make the sun rise and it was totally yum too. They were a lemon/vanilla combo, but still, these aren't new, they're retro. Like carebears and strawberry shortcake and transformers. Got it?

However, I must admit that our Lemonades are pretty stellar too. You get to try the cookies ahead of time when you're a leader or a scout. :) But yeah.

nose is improving every day. I got some good sleep last night and now it's the time that reminds me to take more tylenol, not the pain. I like this. A LOT. so yeah, that's positive, right?

oh AND I got to talk to Mary Alise last night. I sure do miss her. pee-oh-you-tee.

alright, I'm having a vision now. it's of me doing more data work. betcha it'll come true like now.

toodles. :)

i cried in the shower this morning -or- i think i might invest in a football helmet.

okay, so it wasn't exactly crying. more like got all teary and started to cry and then regained control. i was (pretty much) crying due to a) being tired, b)the ickyness o' my nose and c)frustration.

somehow, some way, I am operating on approximately two and a half hours of sleep, and I'm honestly not doing too shabby. it's probably a good thing I'm currently doing all I can to minimize the amount of time I spend in the lab.

but yeah. so after watching greenbay lose, much to the disappointment of matt and me (though more matt than me) we came to my place, worked on the puzzle and watched a little dvr'd tv. and I waited to get sleepy. and waited. and waited. so I took one of the valiums I had left from the surgery. and waited. and nothing. and took some melatonin, got in bed, and was finally able to sleep around 130.

matt stayed up working on the puzzle, since teachers don't have school today, and came to sleep at 4am. (ps, there are four pieces left to put in--it's clear where they go, but we agreed that we'd finish it together.) and I happened to wake up then.

and Never. Got. Back. To. Sleep.

le sigh.

I sat in the bathroom for a while and read Real Simple. I blew my nose A LOT. I tried and tried to sleep. I thought about coming to work real real early, but decided against it in hopes that I'd catch some more z's. Nada. yeesh.

I am SO taking a nap when I get home. Or at least going to bed really early.

and speaking of my nose, I'm going to have to get something to protect it for when I play flag football and softball and any other sport with potential to re-injure my nose. Especially since I'm a catcher, and the likelihood of nose injury must quintuple or something if you're in that position.

I think I might have to invest in a helmet though. maybe. or perhapsI could do the one that ISN'T plastic and doesn't remind me of what my friends looked like when they were wearing headgear or of the sports version of birth control glasses. yikes.

oh, and if you enjoy taking baths on occasion, I highly recommend you trot out to your friendly neighborhood wally world and go pick up some of the village naturals bath salts. I have them in two flavors--the allergy/congestion one I got a while ago and the aches and pains that I got yesterday since it smelled the most menthol-ee. they smell very nice but aren't overwhelming, and I personally like them paired with some fragrance free mr. bubbles. the scents also come in a liquid bubble bath, if that better suits your fancy. and they're about $5 a pop. and I am WAY appreciative of them since hanging out in a bathtub is doing wonders for my nose.

oh and speaking of wally world? in general, not a fan. but since I'm going through bottle after bottle of saline, it's worth going there--this stuff is $5 a bottle at wally world and $9 at cvs. what?!? I mean, I know that they get a discount, but c'mon, that's robbery, cvs. boo on you. I wish they sold simply saline at target, but alas, no.

anyhoo, thank goodness it's almost one. which means the day is halfway over. I think it's just about time to eat my chili, which will be particularly delish since it's chilly outside (seriously, it felt like 10 degrees (F) this morning. that's COLD for raleighwood.)

slugs.

consider yourself warned, this is kind of gross.

so yeah, slugs. and yes, in january.

i'm getting a little better everyday and a LOT of stuff is coming out of my body, which I take as a good thing. I mean, at least it's out, right? That's what I've been saying for days, and it pleased me when my granny said on the phone today too.

however, I'll have fits where I'm coughing and hacking and loogey-ing and blowing my nose a lot, and usually at some point during this process or shortly after it, I see it. I look in my tissue to see the aftermath (which I'm actually supposed to do), or sometimes even feel it as it works its way out of my nose.

a bloody snotty combo with a side of packing--that looks disgustingly similar to a skinny slug.

ew. ew. EW.

and if you think that this mental image is gross and it's totally icking you out? yeah, imagine having that puppy comin' outta YOUR nose.

[shudder].

ps-I think I shall never salt a slug again. I never thought about the fact that you're killing them via dehydration and that all that goo you see oozing out is their blood-type stuff. methinks I'll start to always relocate them. I'd hate to be dehydrated to death, I'm not sure I have the heart to do it to something else now that I know what's happening!

sorry for the grossness.

and on a happier note, I'm going to go take a shower and use one of those menthol-ee vaporizer thingies that you set on the floor.

this is totally not worth the read.

hi.

I know some people are prolly going to be upset by my saying this, but I don't like this book. Oh, I liked bits and pieces. and parts. and phrases. Actually, I think I was fairly okay with it until like the last five pages. And then it made me want to punch the author in the face. Ariel and I talked about it earlier this week, and I agree with her. I can't remember exactly how she phrased it, but it feels like they "force" you to be emotional.

there's a love story in here, and it's sweet but realistic, and I appreciate that. but all in all this book gets two thumbs down from me. I mean, I like the idea that your purpose gets confirmed/explained in heaven (that totally didn't ruin the story for you, you learn that on the cover or within the first twenty pages), but I am really glad that this was a short book and a quick read.

not to be harsh. just my opinion. and if you liked it? I still like you. :)

so, I don't have a sinus infection, exactly. I have the aftermath of surgery. and pain in locations in my face that usually indicate a sinus infection. but right now I've just got to grin and bear it unless it doesn't occasionally subside, because really I'm just ultra swollen.

he gave me some nasal steroids (nasonex) to help with the swelling a little, which I normally wouldn't use because it gives me nosebleeds, but hey, it's bleeding anyway, so why not, right?

today I am tired and I feel really gross. I did not go to my youth dinner theatre planning meeting because I didn't feel like it, and I think that was a super duper smart decision.

because you see, well, last night we hung out with Adam, Kristin and Taylor. The boys made dinner (this baked chicken deliciousness (with only 2/3 of the butter the recipe suggested, per yours truly's advice) with roasted potatoes and salad and bread) while the girls sat on the couch, drank wine and watched TV. including part of Center Stage. which is totally worth the watch just for this part. though we all agreed that the hairdos were unrealistic and the lingerie part was weird. especially since her parents were watching!




but anyway.

and we watched a very funny comedian, demetri martin. check him out.

over the course of the evening we laughed A LOT. (which hurt my nose but was totally worth it) uncontrollable laughter is hard to come by. and it was great to see matt laugh so hard, too. and then we came home and went to sleep a little after midnight.

I woke up at 3 to take more tylenol, but only managed to turn off my phone alarm. and then I woke up again at 430 in pain, and actually took the tylenol. and did not manage to sleep again until 630. I read, I had tea, I tried to will myself to sleep, etc.

and at 815, guess what happened? yep, I was awake again. I kept getting hotandcoldandhotandcoldandhot all night long, so I added a long sleeved shirt to my attire. that seemed help. and I slept again until 11 when I got a phone call.

and since then I've been trying to sleep some more and reading. and I finished the book. and when I came downstairs, my furry nurses were here to cheer me up again. normally, gobi is the one who gets scared easily, and when he does, his tail puffs up HUGE.

but today, for the first time ever, I saw hazel's tail balloon up. and it was precious and wonderful and made me laugh again. :) and then she played fetch with me, too.

and it's like they stayed up all night waiting for me, and now that I'm downstairs they're zonked out again. hazel is in an amazon box that I don't yet have the heart to throw away because she fits just perfectly inside it, and gobi is on the back of the couch in a ball. too cute, too cute.

happy saturday y'all. I think I might spend the majority of this one in my pajamas. it's almost 2 now and I haven't even had breakfast! matt has talked about sushi for dinner if I'm up to it, but other than that, I think it's a laaaaaazy day. maybe we'll watch movies. he's still asleep, so I think I'm going to make him some french toast. :)

this is totally worth the read.

so, this is a little long. but it's worth it. if you want to see it/hear it set to music, go here.

I go today to find out about my nose. And to see whether this really is a sinus infection. And then I plan on taking a little afternoon siesta with Gobi and Hazel. Nevermind that I got my eight and a half hours of sleep last night in addition to all of my other sleeping--I am still tired. I was tired after I showered. And after I dried my hair. And after I took my lunch to the breakroom. But I am at work, and I'm managing okay. I won't even set foot in a lab today (on purpose) and I'm a little worried about wearing safety glasses when I do, but it's all going to be okay...

it's nothing that some more r&r and some time can't take care of. :)

anyway, read. enjoy. and happy friday!

EVERBODY'S FREE (TO WEAR SUNSCREEN)
12/06/1999 - 1 week at #1 - 16 weeks on chart

Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of ’97
Wear Sunscreen

If I could offer you only one tip for the future,
sunscreen would be it.
The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists,
whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience
I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth, oh nevermind,
you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded.
But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself
and recall in a way you can’t grasp now, how much possibility lay before you
and how fabulous you really looked,
you are not as fat as you imagine.

Don’t worry about the future, or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum.
The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing everyday that scares you

Sing

Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts,
don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss

Don’t waste your time on jealousy, sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind,
the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself.

Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults,
if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch

Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life,
the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22
what they wanted to do with their lives,
some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t.

Get plenty of calcium.

Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone.

Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children, maybe you won’t,
Maybe you’ll divorce at 40,
Maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary
What ever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either
Your choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s.
Enjoy your body, use it every way you can, don’t be afraid of it,
or what other people think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own

Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.

Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.

Do not read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for good.

Be nice to your siblings, they are the best link to your past
and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few you should hold on.
Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because the older you get,
the more you need the people you knew when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard,
Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will philander,
you too will get old, and when you do you’ll fantasize that when you were young
prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund,
Maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out.

Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it.
Advice is a form of nostalgia,
dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off,
painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen

a little sweet with the tart.

i've been a little negative recently. which isn't at all surprising considering that I've been healing from surgery and been in a vicodin-induced haze for the past week and spending a lot of time removing icky stuff from my body either with qtips or by coughing it up. that plus the lack of the ability to smell things and my iffy sense of balance has made for quite a week.

plus, I believe I am developing my first post-op sinus infection. which I knew was coming, but still.

however.

I need more positives.

positives like right now, as I type, my kitty cats are flanking me--gobi's up here on "his" pillow on the right side of me and hazel is down by my feed. they have certainly been annoying at moments when they meow and meow and meow wanting nothing at all, but on the whole they're adorable and warm and cuddly. and I love them.

and they love their mommie too. matt even commented on it--from friday when I got home until sunday when I started to move around a little more there was a cat with me or near me at all times--gobi on the corner of the bed, hazel at my feet or on the head of the recliner, one of them in my lap or on the arm of the chair. right there. cuddling. watching. and I imagine worrying, too. they can tell when something is wrong.

it's funny because neither cat was what I wanted at first--Gobi almost didn't come home with me--an orange tabby nearly did instead. and hazel, well, honestly I wanted a gray cat, but after having someone tell me I was being "kitty racist" (jokingly, but still) and meeting her and having her at my home, I couldn't help but want to keep her.

anyway, other good things...

~tomorrow I get to blow my nose.
~my wonderful friends the sullivans brought me dinner tonight AND they brought me a present--tea and coffee mugs
~I got my new paste magazine in the mail
~today is matt and my ten monthiversary
~and I was able to shower today. again. and take a nap. and this is all good.

oh and? you oklahoma folk need to go buy yourselves some cheatwood honey--or any oklahoma honey. I used the rest of it up on the copious amount of tea I've been drinking, but it is yummy and good for you and yeah. go get some. for me. thanks.

eco friendly? eco fabulous? eco eh?

so, I'm a skosh confused. there are two things I've thought about submitting entries to recently--one is a contest where you're supposed to tell what makes you "eco-fabulous" and the winner gets a trip and the runners up get various things from origins. the other is a real simple magazine letter-to-the-editor type thing. they want to know what eco-friendly changes you've made in your life.

now, as you know, I'm trying--I switched to CFLs, I made sure my water heater temp was lower, I use less water (shorter showers, letting it mellow if it's yellow, more efficient plant watering), I use less energy (lowering my phantom load, reducing the brightness on my laptop, turning off lights, et al), when possible I grow my own herbs and some veggies too, I recycle everything I can, I drive responsibly, etc., etc., etc.

but does this make me eco fabulous? I don't think so.
does this make me eco friendly? sure. Or at least more-so than the average bear.

but I was reading some of the entires for the eco-fab contest, and I really couldn't help but think--what? changing out your lightbulbs makes your eco-fab? seriously? not to judge or anything, but you and I must have seriously different definitions of the word "fabulous." because to me eco-fab is more along the lines of doing all the things I'm doing plus composting and buying local and having solar panels and using wind powers and using natural light to heat your home and re-using everything and not ever using a car unless it's a hybrid electric that you modified to run on biodiesel which you make yourself and all that kind of jazz.

but I set my standards high. ;)

oh, and in both cases, for the record the thing that makes me the most friendly/fab? it's KNOWING. and learning. and doing wat I can. I mean, I figure the people are just trying to win the contest, but it struck me as odd.

that might've come out as a little mean. I didn't intend that. oh well.

anyway, moving on.

my nose is getting better, it's improving every day. I'll spare you the gory details. I'm still getting tired very easily and I am still having drainage and icky-ness, but my goal is to go to work on friday for a half day before I have my one-week-after checkup (after which I can blow my nose, which will be a HUGE relief. a painful one, but a nice option to have) anyhoo, we'll see how it all pans out.

and my biggest accomplishments today were: going to get the mail and taking a shower without needing someone to hang out nearby incase I fell. after I took a little spill yesterday (not in the shower, on the stairs) I was a little nervous, but it all worked out okay. oh, and yesterday's fall wasn't that big of a deal, but I did have to jump backwards down three stairs and I bruised my knee pretty badly and rice went EVERYWHERE. I just had too much in my hands and was talking to gobi and lost my balance. I'm sure I looked ridiculous. The worst part was having to clean up the mess after I fell--I REALLY wanted someone to be home with me then. oh well. i'm fine today, so we're good to go.

tonight matt and I had dinner (me, leftover chicken, peas and wild rice from yesterday, him leftover pizza from lunch, man, my church people are WONDERFUL) and watched Queen of the Damned. Today I also watched most of a movie called Joshua and played around on the computer and napped. and I've had a whole whole lot of this super yummy tea. It's deeeelish!

and other things because I ended up looking them up and I think they're neato...
matchstick gardens.
this little tool that looks like a key.

oh and gobi and hazel? friggin adorable. today it was like they took turns watching me--they were on a rotation. gobi waited right outside the door while I was in the shower, hazel slept with me in the morning, gobi hung out this evening, and now they're both curled up with me on the couch. too precious! I'm hoping they'll migrate to the bed, too. :)

also, anybody remember this movie?

I can only recall little pieces of it...it's a movie I watched as a kid. There's something about an amusement/fun park that's closed/abandoned, and a scary man who turns out to not be scary at all (I think maybe he's the owner?) and there's a bunch of kids/teenagers in it. There's something they have to steal and they make a mock-up of where they're sneaking in out of legos. I know that they black out security cameras and they all wear black.

and that's all I can remember. any ideas?

it was the mock-up of their heist in oceans twelve that made me think of the movie in the first place...

tuckered out.

I started this yesterday, but I got too tired to finish! It said "I have only been awake for five hours, and already I am worn out. I was even a good girl--I took things slow, I didn't stand up too quickly, I sat around as much as possible. but I. Am. Pooped."

right. so right after I typed that michelle got home and came to check on me, and then I decided to nap. when I woke up matt was on his way to my place and chelsea was coming over to bring me food. hooray! she made me veggie sandwiches (the first non-potato veggies I'd had in days), turkey noodle soup and cookies. yum! matt took me to target to refill my pain med prescription (much to my disappointment, I'd hoped to not have to keep taking it!) and we also bought another thermos for me since I'm going through, oh 4L of tea a day, a fruit tea sampler from celestial seasons and some more fruit snacks.

did you know they make lego fruit snacks? well, they do. they're actually probably a TERRIBLE idea since they're meant to be eaten and resemble actual legos, which are NOT meant to be eaten...but we bought them anyway, just to try. and take my word for it, the target market pantry ones are better.

and after going to get me another baked potato (I'm really enjoying eating them) we came home, ate and watched Oceans Twelve. And then I read until I finished my book while Matt worked on stuff for school. He stayed up SO late, the poor thing. I've told him that tonight that he'll be eating chicken and going to bed early. We *might* watch Oceans Thirteen, but not if it's going to keep him up late again.

so yeah, finished The Book of Fate. It's good. It's not incredible. But if you like books that are kind of mysteries of sorts, and that are maybe a little political and rooted in some type of history, you might enjoy it. Plus, it's an easy read. Maybe it gets a B or B- in the Carrie-book-scale.

and speaking of books, be my friend on shelfari, okay? it's pretty neato. go here.

oh, and here are a few pictures--of where I'm spending ALL my time (and yes, it's a mess, and no, I don't care. everything I need is nearby and I can't lift anything heavy, so it doesn't matter a lick to me--and if it matters to you, please consider this your invitation to come clean it for me! ha!) and of my furry nurses. :) and I want to show you the one of the inside of my nose, but I'm not sure how many of you are queasy. so maybe tomorrow I'll upload it elsewhere and link to it. you can even see the scar tissue that was blocking my nasal passage!

and here's the card from my youth group. aren't the cute? and inventive!!!

and finally, a mini-rant. although you probably realize this if you're reading my blog, I'd like to make sure you know something--sinus surgery is a BIG deal. yes, some people have deviated septums and then are back to work in three days, and yes, it varies from person to person, but for those of you who are unaware, it is a big deal. it hurts and it wears you out and you have to be put totally under and it's a surgery.

anyway, so I am annoyed because...so, remember last week when I watched that video and had the realization about my lack of interest in/desire for rich people knick-knacks and lavish, extravagant homes? well, the video was for one of those companies where they have you "change your buying habits" and it's a pyramid scheme of sorts--you buy from this website and make a small percentage, and you have your friends buy from here too, and they have their friends, etc.

so on friday night, approximately 10 hours after my surgery began, I get a call from this dude who left a message saying "Hey Carrie, it's B_____, 930 on Friday, I wanted to touch base with you, I know you just had sinus surgery, you're probably not feeling like talking, but when you get this message you GOTTA give me a call back. " what? WHAT?!? b*tch, please. if you have to say "I know you just had sinus surgery, you're probably not feeling like talking," shouldn't that be a sign that you shouldn't've called at all? I mean, unless you were calling to CHECK on the person? grrr!

(I also hate it when people tell you what you've GOTTA do. Like a "thanks in advance." This only usually bothers me when it's something I didn't want to do in the first place!)

and then it got worse! because on sunday night, when matt went to get things for me, the dude called AGAIN. And I was typing out a text message and accidentally answered (damn any-key answer!) and actually said "f*ck." into the phone when I answered. It probably offended Mr. Unbelievably Appallingly Conservative (by the way, pretty much no one I know other than like, him, falls into that category, it's a VERY difficult one to be placed in!) but I kind of don't care. Because now it's 48 hours later, and he's calling again, and I've told him that if he wants to tell me things he needs to email AND--here's the kicker--all he's calling about is to tell me that he doesn't have all the info and he is supposed to talk to the guy from the video later this week to find out more! I ask him "why are you telling me?" And he says he had told the guy about me, that he thought I'd be a good fit for the company.

what?!? dude, you don't even KNOW me. you hardly knew me in college, and we're going on five years out of that. yeesh. I mean, I'm trying to be polite, but for reals.

I ended up telling him in the politest most matter-of-fact was possible that I actually didn't mean to answer the phone, that sinus surgery is serious business and between the painkillers, the icepacks and the blood I'm coughing up I really don't feel like talking on the phone, that as a matter of fact I'm a very busy person and I'd prefer it if he communicated via email, otherwise I wasn't really interested in what he had to say, and that I hope he had a good rest of his weekend.

yikes.

anyway, yeah. between that and then checking my work email and having two people think that they'd see me yesterday, I was kind of like "clearly, people don't understand that this surgery can be kind of intense."

whatever...done ranting.

now time to read. and maybe play with my new box of 120 different colors of crayons. and take a nap. and read. and heal. definitely heal.

and this was a long rambly post. sorry about that.

what does matt think about this surgery? it blows!

ha!

well today is better than yesterday, so that's a start. No nausea today, and no need for Matt to try to distract me from it. And I've been drinking A LOT of tea, and that's been helping.

I've had A LOT of carbs...rice. a baked potato. an entire sleeve of saltines. goldfish--which apparently Gobi LOVES. and we've watched more movies--Paycheck, If Only and Once. I'd seen Paycheck (and still don't understand why people hate on it, though I'll admit the very very end is a skosh cheesy), If Only was good but a little sad, and Once, which was recommended by two people, was a good movie with good music.

next in the line-up: City of Angels, Oceans Twelve and Casino Royale. Right now I see at least twenty-seven others to choose from--plus what netflix is sending, plus what I actually own. I'm spending quite a bit more time awake this go-around, so the movies are helping me not move around a lot--because let me tell you what, if I move around too much? I can tell. And it ain't pretty.

oh and I finally bathed. and it was glorious. I washed my hair in the shower and then switched to taking a bath. I know, I know, shame on me in the drought, but I've had surgery so cut me a teensy bit of slack. besides, I didn't shower yesterday! but yeah, bubbles and candles and aaaah, soooooooo nice. I feel much better, and like I should continue to hang out in this recliner and take a little siesta.

and then I shall eat some of the potluck dinner from church today--the pastor's wife brought it over, and has also organized meals for me for the next few days. I'd tried to avoid that because I didn't want to impose, but I am SO glad I agreed to it, it will be a huge help.

it's now been 48 hours-ish since I got home from the hospital. let's hope I've had my only bout of worse before better! fingers crossed!

or more like a local celebrity...

today isn't so good. the doc told matt I was going to get worse before I got better. I think he was right. but at least I got some good sleep last night.

and I've agreed to let people from church bring me food. I was trying to avoid that, because I'm not a fan of imposing, but it seems like a good idea now...

oh and two things. did I tell you that my skin is yellow? it is. it's getting a bit better. when the doctor's office called to check on me they were a bit concerned when they found out my arms were yellow too, and I'm supposed to call tomorrow if they still are. and, my doctor didn't have to use stints. apparently he uses them about 95% of the time, but for some reason it seemed like they were unnecessary. so that's good. having them taken out didn't feel so awesome last time.

time for more movies, some hot tea and some sleep. and if anyone has suggestions for what to do for my throat--it's getting sore from my having to breathe through my mouth--I'd really appreciate them!

i am a rockstar.

so, the title says it all. thanks for the suggestion, jax.

I got a little freaked out at the beginning--we'd checked in and i was in my hospital gown (and just my hospital gown) and all by myself, hearing the horrible noises of the construction of the next floor. while I was alone. in a curtained room. practically naked. with booties on my feet. listening to a lot of people list their allergies and hearing people talk about IVs and health histories from their respective curtain areas, and I really really wanted them to bring me matt.

which they did, once I assured them that he wasn't going to faint when I got my IV. I had the IV done without too much trouble--this nice nurse named rose did it for me. I was told I couldn't take the valium the doc had prescribed until I had the IV, which kinda defeated the purpose...but having matt there to talk to me and hold my hand made all the difference in the world.

oh and the lady likened the numbing stuff to feeling like a bee sting. which, um, is no help, as I have never been stung by a bee.

and they gave me a steroid that was icky icky icky. it made everywhere itch and burn--first my groin, but then EVERYWHERE. and then it felt like the painful part of your legs going numb/ to sleep where it's all pins and needles. I actually cried and sweet sweet matt held my hand the whole time. he's swell. and vicodin makes me mushy.

additionally, I must've told my name and birth date and doctor's name and described the procedure and told them my allergies eleven thousand million gazillion times. I mean, I am glad they're thorough, but for real. twice to the same nurse, even.

and there was an hour delay in getting started, so I ended up taking the valium anyway, especially since it meant I could drink a little water. :)

the surgery went well, and quite honestly I am doing WAY better than I could've hoped. it's the day of and I can type complete sentences, and last time three days later all I could manage to type was this...

however, I think I might've woken up a little during the removal of the breathing tube. I have a hazy recollection of someone telling me I just needed to stay still, and that it would only hurt for a second, and of having my arms strapped down. and I think maybe I cried some because I had crusty tear stains on my face.

when I finally woke up (which took waaaay longer than they expected) the nurse was kinda rude--my throat hurt and she offered me ice, which is normal. I asked for more, and then more, because it helped. and after the third time she said "you know, you can do that yourself." I had been awake for FIVE minutes, people!!! I asked if she could do it for a little while longer, and she did, but she was NOT pleased.

the only non rockstar part was in phase 2 of recovery--when I almost fainted. a very polite nurse came to help me get dressed, and once I'd gotten halfway dressed I asked if I could please go to the bathroom--I'd already been TWICE since the IV was started--and by this point three hours lated I'd had almost four liters of fluid. so we go the bathroom and I go to wash my hands, and I adjusted the gauze support thingy and started feeling faint.

I was a)on all sorts of drugs, b)walking for the first time and c)in pain. After attempting smelling salts, which totally didn't work (hello people, my nose is SWOLLEN on the inside) they got me back to my room and had me sit in the recliner, and I got some color back after a while.

there was another nurse in my area--typing into a computer and seeming like she had gigantic sandpaper-covered coated-with-itching-powder stick up her ass. she was SO annoyed that I was faint, insisting that I shouldn't've moved my dressing (despite my having gotten permission from the nice nurse) and basically chastising me. when she asked if I wanted a pain pill and I said yes, she was pissy becauseI have her a .5 number. and then upset when I asked her to please not pour my mini can of sprite into my remaining half melted ice.

I mean, what, I wanted the sprite in the can with the small opening, and NOT in a styrofoam cup full of water and ice. and I'd already been drinking from the can directly. what gives?!? she was quite pleased to see me go.

le sigh.

so now I am at home. we're experimenting with various gauze sizes and types for my drainage catcher thing, and I'm eating food and watching movies. so far Aeon Flux and Explorers. and we're trying to stay ahead of the pain so I'm waking up every four hours to take more. yeehaw. but at least it's working. and none of it has been excruciating, just mild or gross, because I've been seeing quite a bit of blood. yucko.

but the kitties have been taking good care of me, staying nearby, and matt is a fabulous nurse, who even bought me presents at the gift shop. and gave me my first card from him ever. he's not a card person, so it kinda made my day. :)

and now the meds are kicking in, and I'm getting a skosh dizzy, so your update is complete.

thanks much for the flowers, candy, texts, emails and calls. I feel loved. and it's making me feel better. :)

panic! (don't panic!) panic! (don't panic!)

I feel like I'm on a see-saw. Or a teeter-totter. Whichever it is you say.

I'm trying to remain cucumber-like, and I'm doing that for the most part, because I'm refusing to talk or think about the surgery for any longer than like a minute at a time. Yes, yes, I will be fine. That doesn't mean it isn't scary. And I honestly believe it's scarier knowing what to expect.

so I'm trying to be all planner-ee and making lists and getting my work done and doing my timesheet and stuff like that. and I'm trying not to think of it. but I'm honestly freaked a bit. well, a lot. I'm just nervous is all. And yes, it will be okay.

Three good things. Number uno--this stuff. It's from Arm and Hammer and I got it at Target. Mary Alise told me about it and I could never find it--until I checked the aisle that's for dogs AND cats. I vacuumed my whole upstairs with this stuff yesterday and, not to be disgusting, but I have never vacuumed up so much cat hair in my whole life. I'm going to buy another couple of boxes and attack the downstairs and the rest of the stairs as soon as I feel up to it. TOTALLY worth the $5 or whatever.

Also, I went to hold *my* camera at Wolf Camera last night, and I think I'm going to buy it there. The price ends up pretty comparable, even with the IS lens, but the best part is the classes--I get 18 of 'em for buying my camera there. I mean, I don't know how many I'll want to go to, and some of their classes are on wednesday nights which will be very hard for me, but it seems like it's totally worth it. AND there are no problems with shipping. AND I'm excited.

I'm debating about getting a warranty plan though...if I do it will only be for the first year. That's one free cleaning and it covers everything. Like even the LCD screen. Thing is it's like $100 a year, and my granddaddy hated hated hated buying warranties, so I feel like any longer than a year is a waste of my money. And also, I will be careful with it, duh!

And (drumroll please) I get to sleep for a whole extra half an hour tomorrow morning--because they moved my surgery back to 10am. Now I have to be there at 8. Which still means leaving my apt at 730. But I'll take all the sleep I can get! non-drugged sleep, that is...

anyway, I'm still feeling a little Jessie Spano (I'm so excited, I'm so SCARED--except I should clarify that my excitement is pizza related) but I'm sure it'll all go away by tomorrow...or the drugs will make it do so. :)

I don't know when I'll let y'all know I did fine, but it'll happen at some point. Maybe I'll have Matt blog for me--he'd LOVE that! ha!

...corresponding shapes like puzzle pieces...

~the postal service/iron and wine

hi. we're 70% done with the puzzle now. we've got everything but the sky, and even some of that is done. since matt had a bit of a crazy night, we're hoping to finish it tonight/tomorrow.

how was his night crazy? short version, his neighbor is more than slightly whack. not violent or anything, but needed help the other day when he locked himself out, so matt gave him a ride and a couple bucks, and now the guy is pestering him. something about seeing his wife talking to another man, etc. he woke matt up THREE times last night. and while I live 25 minutes farther from his school than he does, he's coming over tonight and sleeping at my place, because he doesn't want to have that guy knocking on his door at all hours.

and by the way, it's not the kind of thing you a)ignore or b)call the cops about. it's a nuisance not an issue. anyway...

so, I'm buying a camera. a new one. a digital slr. it's a gift from my granddad, of sorts. I'm getting this guy. I've found all of the parts--body, lens (with image stabilization), memory card, extra batteries, lens cleaner, etc.--and I'm going to go "hold" one today after girl scouts, if I can. And then next week, while I have to sit on my duff for many an hour, I will do a little more looking-into on the pricing, and see where I can get the best deal from a reputable supplier!

and I. Am. Pumped. !.

also, I *think* the lenses from one of film cameras I was given will fit on this one too! I need to check it out for sure, but it should, so that's even more exciting!

also, I need a little help. I need movie recommendations for while I'm at home hanging out. I've already got Explorers (you know, the one where they turn a tilt-a-whirl car into a spaceship?) and Aeon Flux (which I hear is crappy but I want to see anyway) coming, and Matt is bringing over pretty much every movie he owns! (the poor guy is also bringing over his recliner so I can try to sleep in it for the first night! and a tv! yowza!) but I can always use more...

so yeah, recommend movies. I either need have a)likely seen them already or b)not have to think a lot to watch it/have it make sense, as I will be on painkillers. :) so no uber complicated flicks, pretty please. oh, and no crying, please, also, as my face will already be undergoing enough trauma...so thanks, friends!

and one more thing. a guy I know from college just had me watch a video of a testimony about this company he's involved with. and as I saw these people in their expensive clothes (like $80 tshirts) with their fancy house, with "rich people knick knacks" as Otto would call them, I couldn't help but think "you know, that's not even something I want." I mean, do I wish I made more money or had some extra cash flow? Sure. Do I wish I owned a house--with wood floors and lots of windows and a big bathtub and a great kitchen and energy efficient appliances and an on-demand water heater and front load washer and dryer and a garden in the back and solar panels on the roof? Yep. Would I like to be more financially stable? Mmm-hmm. But do I want an extravagant and lavish home with a huge pool and my own lighted tennis and basketball courts and ten plasma tvs and a chandelier?

nope. not even a little. and it was kind of weird to find myself thinking that the whole time.

and? I also kept thinking about how wasteful they were. not that I'm judging you if you happen to be reading my blog and happen to possess all those goodies. but seriously? a multi-bedroom mansion in the middle of lots of land with all sorts of seldom-used amenities? for two people and a baby? certainly not what you need, you know? and likely not green. just being literal here. anyhoo, rambling.

more spreadsheets, folks. more spreadsheets. toodles.

at least it's mine.

~stephen kellogg and the sixers

so, I'm not letting february creep in early. if I'm lucky it won't creep in at all! only time will tell on that one. and really, I realized that all I needed was a little perspective and a deep breath. :)

so, some fun things.

I own far far too many magazines--Scientific American, Real Simple, some old Cosmos and Glamours, Mary Engelbreit ones and sundry craft/knitting/crochet/quilting ones too. As I've yet to a) read them all or b) decide I am willing to part with them, they are cluttering up my space. I have my next project now--to sort and organize them. Other files can go in these too. But imagine--shelves of magazines or shelves of magazines hanging out in these guys, such as below? I realize it's more "stuff," but it makes my things appear more organized, not slouch, allows me to separate by magazine better AND it will look cute. Should you find any a) cheap and b) cute magazine/literature holders, please pass the info along to me! I'm thinking I'd prefer a pattern to plain, but we'll just see what pops up. The Container Store has some cool colors, but I don't want to shell out $10 a piece...and I need to go with something rather unassuming or the calm organization-ee feel will be taken away.

next, I want one of these. half of my concern about biking to work is the ride uphill on the way home. I know there are granny gears, but for real, it's a three mile hill with no breaks. in traffic. yeah. think I might need a leeeeetle help. 'course, there are other options too. it's always something I keep in the back of my mind--but this is the first option that doesn't involve gasoline.

and another thing on my list of "green" wants...more baggu bags. I got one for Christmas from Renee and it's super super super handy. and cute. And I really like it. It was actually disappointing to only be able to put SOME of my groceries in the reusable bag. I have other bags, but they're WAY bigger, and this one's ultra handy since it folds up compactly and can fit in your purse or back pocket or jacket pocket or whatever.

I bought a Christmas tree at Target. It was on clearance for $10. And here's how I picked it--one was pre-lit, one was not. You'd think that means I picked the pre-lit one, but no...the plan is to invest in LED lights next year (or maybe take advantage of the post-holiday sales), and use them to decorate my tree. I'm pretty excited about this--I haven't had a tree since Katie put one up in college and refused to let me help decorate it.

other things...perhaps I need a cactus? and I'm glad I only wash my whites in hot water--90% of the energy going into that washer is for heating that water, yikes!

and I think that these are fun. semi-useless and frivolous, but fun. they're coffee mugs, and they leave behind a cool design instead of a watermark. not that you want ANYTHING left on your table, and not that anyone needs these, but still. kind of neat, in an odd way. maybe something kitschy for a cute cafe? I dunno...

So last night, after I finally left work around 720 and got my stuff together, Matt and I had a late dinner of cheap Mexican food (and I had a margarita, which surely made my day not so icky) and went to Bub's, where he's now only four beers from finishing his card. We're both pretty excited about that. And we had fun talking--about wood floors and money and sports and commercials and movies we want to watch and my concerns about surgery and us. And we played the photo hunt game, and maxed at a score of 241000ish. :)

and tonight we're going to work on the puzzle, watch some of season 2 of big love and for the first time he's going to have my fried rice, which I base loosely off this recipe. (ps, the lady is right, you should TOTALLY try the peas in it) and I'm making chicken, trying a new recipe--this guy, but I've marinated the chicken in orange juice and soy sauce, and I'm adding a little ginger and maybe a dash of cayenne, and using boneless skinless chicken breasts. this will be delicious or a disaster. I'll let you know!

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh-jigsaw!

so, matt and I are gigantissimus nerds, incase you didn't know. we spent a good portion of this weekend watching movies, drinking beer and working on a puzzle of peggy's cove in nova scotia. I'd say we're about forty-two percent of the way finished. :)

and what all did we watch???

Santa Claus is Comin' to Town (I loved loved loved this when I was younger. And Winter becomes not mean?!? It warms the very cockles of my heart, it does!)
Little Shop of Horrors (I sang along to most of this--now, spit!)
Oceans Eleven (mmmm hot men.)
Pirates of the Caribbean (it was a filler, but I still enjoyed what I watched of it.)

yes, really, that many in one weekend! that, and we slept. and slept. we went to bed kinda late on friday night, and matt got up early, but I think by that evening Matt and I had 11.5 and 10 hours of sleep, respectively. We went to Kara's and enjoyed the passing of the blonde moments--with Kara thinking people sometimes called Bandaids Q-Tips, and me thinking they had talked about forcing the six-year-old to enlist in this story. pretty darn funny, I tell you.

after another late-but-not-as-late puzzle night, complete with some punny jokes I'm soooo not going to share, we went to sleep. I got up and went to church, only to come home and find Matt STILL asleep! So I put my pjs back on and we napped for another THREE hours. what in the world? I soooo didn't want to get up, but I had to, because I had to get to youth...

I waited a really long time to post today on purpose. I've got a lot on my mind. I went to the dmv to get my license replaced due to THEIR error (faulty materials--why can't they just issue me a new one online?!?) and found out that their system was down. I got up early for that, people. And then I went to my pre-op appointment, which was oodles of fun. Thankfully, no needles involved.

And now I'm at work, contemplating a major financial decision and waiting for things to heat and filter. I am excited about my plans tonight (hanging out with matt and taking him to potentially finish off his hundred beers) but I gotta tell you, rightthissecond is a skosh annoying.

I am afraid that the dreaded february has infiltrated january and has already brought its funk. I'll know for sure tomorrow. Say it ain't so, say it ain't so!