Friday, December 31, 2004

learning how to tink

which is knit backwards. Get it? Ha.

So, my newest hobby is knitting. I like it entirely too much. But nobody gets knit presents (or crochet presents, for that matter) unless you can actually appreciate the work that goes into it.

This is going to have to be short. The library keyboard sucks. Yay for internet at libraries.

I have had a very good time in Tulsa, and it isn't over yet!!! Currently I'm looking forward to Sterling's (and mine, technically) New Year's Eve party and the fried chicken, mashed potatoes and corn I'm going to eat lots of on Saturday night. Mmm, mmm, mmm I L-O-V-E my mom's fried chicken. That's yet another thing on the list of things I vow/resolve to do more often; eat fried chicken. I love it, it's my favorite meal, and I never ever made it 'cause a certain assho--I mean someone--who will remain nameless did not care for said fried chicken. What an ass.

It's so awesome when people twist your words, by the way. And when they totally, completely suck. That's awesome too. I'm so very glad that the unhappy Carrie has let the old Carrie back out. She's been sorely missed.

Anyhow, enough dwelling.

I feel like I've done a lot this week. I've seen Sterling, Jessica, Renee, JR, Adrienne, Rayna, Natalie, Keith, BJ, Becky B, Kendra, Dustin, Aaron B, Kate, Amanda L, my family, Jess's family, Sterling's mom, David Henze, Katie V, Rob, Ryan, Brian, Nick, Purdy, Jessica and all sorts of other people. It's been nuts.

I've also
-had my hair hilighted and cut
-had a manicure
-had a pedicure
-learned how to knit, purl and bind
-gone to a party where I didn't really know a soul, I just kinda-sorta knew them from when I was younger (and apparently this takes balls, hmm.)

I feel like I've accomplished something or something. What, I don't know...

Here's to gin, my best friend for the evening... ;)

Thursday, December 23, 2004

a clarification

I must confess, I paraphrased. But judging from what happened last night, my original assessment was painfully, horribly, scarringly accurate.

Monday, December 20, 2004

who the f*ck does he think is?

oh, and I love my friends.

G-D he is awful. Who the hell says all that in one breath--or in one sentence? You - must - be - out - of - the - house - by - a - certain - date - because - i - say - so - since - i - will - feel - inconvenienced [and I deleted the rest of this because I don't think you wanted to know what it said and I most certainly didn't want to be reminded]....etc. Thanks. Asshole.

On a brighter note I did something really big today. I moved my bed, desk, shelves, sofa etc to my friend's house. It felt liberating and scary at the same time. As Collin put it "here's to good friends and new beginnings." Toasted to with two Busch lights, milk and a Dr Extreme. Mmm mmm good.

But seriously, they were great. We moved a ton of stuff. But there's so much left to do.

Maybe I'll just be gone after I pick him up from the airport. Drop him off and get the hell out of there. It would serve him right. And I'd only pick him up because afterwards it would piss the ever-living shit out of him that I didn't just leave him at the airport.

Man, I'm mean. But then again, sometimes an eye for an eye is worth it. Let's just hope we don't all go blind...

Sunday, December 19, 2004

laughter is the best medicine


Last night I went to party #2 of the weekend. We laughed and laughed and laughed. A lot. My friends are damn funny. It was pretty fun, even though I was tired. Tired from packing, that is. I spent the whole day packing up my stuff to move out. I have SOOOOO much stuff. SOOOOO much. I'm trying to give some of it away, or at least get a better handle on what I will and won't need in the next few months. But it's not working out so well.

Something else happened last night that made me sad. My friend Collin asked me if I'm going to come back from vacation--he wanted to know if I was moving back to Oklahoma. He said that after I saw my friends and family and loved ones I might not be able to leave.

There's merit to his concern, but the fact of the matter is that I'm not moving back.

I'm a big fan of the concept that everything happens for a reason. It seems that it does. I mean, honestly--how could I have all that I have here in NC if it wasn't where I was supposed to be? I have a dozen or more amazing friends living around here, and another ten that fall just under the amazing mark. I have a good job, a place to live and I get to see the beautiful North Carolina trees. I'm an Oklahoman at heart, but I don't need to live there to be one.

After all, as the work people put it when I wore my jean jacket for the umpteenth time--"you can take the girl out of Oklahoma, but you can't take the Oklahoma out of the girl."

Right. It's really kinda right.

But poor Collin. He was so worried that I was moving. And though I miss my OK-ee-ans something fierce, I need to continue on here.

time for church. I love Advent season. And spiced tea--I'm going to have some of that on the way there :)

Friday, December 17, 2004

a song from a movie that I've always loved...

ARTIST: Harry Nilsson
TITLE: Think About Your Troubles

[Point, The]
Sit beside the breakfast table
Think about your troubles
Pour yourself a cup of tea
Then think about the bubbles
You can take your teardrops
And drop 'em in a teacup
Take them down to the riverside

And throw them over the side
To be swept up by a current
Then taken to the ocean
To be eaten by some fishes
Who were eaten by some fishes
And swallowed by a whale
Who grew so old
He decomposed, doo, doo, doo

He died and left his body
To the bottom of the ocean
Now everybody knows
That when a body decomposes
The basic elements
Are given back to the ocean
And the sea does what it oughta
And soon there's salty water
Not too good for drinking
'Cause it tastes just like a teardrop
So they run it through a filter
And it comes out from a faucet
And it pours into a teapot
Which is just about to bubble
Now think about your troubles, now

Thursday, December 16, 2004

to wear pants, or not to wear pants, that is the question...

Pants on—pants off? Pants on--pants off?

What a weird comment. Intriguing, but odd. Wonder if he’s kidding. Hmm. Maybe I should make a point of wearing a skirt instead. Foiled again, Batman!


I keep wondering if other people feel the way I sometime do. Does anybody else feel like their body and mind and soul are kinda at war with themselves? I keep having to do all of these things that “aren’t like me” in order to do “what’s best for me.” It’s so strange. It’s like I’m even arguing with myself on a molecular level. I feel like I have internal conflict.

I hate complications. Why does every damn thing have to be so damn complicated? Sometimes I wonder if it’s all some colossal joke. I just wish that ONCE something wouldn’t be so friggin’ involved. I mean, I know that all people have problems and complications and issue, but DAMN. Nothing is easy. And I’m tired of it.

I’m also tired of lies. Of telling and receiving. And I wish he hadn’t been IMing his future roommate while he was working on his take home test. That one stung. You never have time for me, never help me, never support me, never acknowledge me and never ever go even a teensy step out of your way to accommodate me, yet you have the audacity (not to mention the time, which is not as point-making as the word audacity) to IM her while taking this “big super important take home test.” You and Oscar Meyer have something in common. B-o-l-o-g-n-a. But you’re not even reading this.

And anyhow, apparently I’m not good enough to be worth the attention or the effort.

Of course, I don’t mean that. And I know it’s not true. But why-oh-why if I’m so fan-damn-tastic and amazing do people think they can treat me like this? And even more onerous is the fact that I’ve been willing to put up with it. There’s a big difference between being selfish and doing what’s in your own best interest. I must remind myself not to mistake one for the other.

I feel like this was very whiney. But it’s what I’m thinking right now. Maybe it will serve as some kind of catharsis. And I’ve got to take a catch-as-catch-can attitude with this one and take what I can get.
I keep thinking about how I really want to paint a series of paintings. Of I don’t know what. Not people—I’m not good at people. But I’m afraid it’s just a castle in the air. Maybe I need to put the foundations under it….

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

counting my blessings

I think I'll get this blog started on a positive note.

Today I was reminded once again about how fortunate I am.

I have lots of real, true, genuine friends. Far more than my fair share. Friends who go out of their way to be truly kind and supportive. Who are thoughtful and helpful and wow.

Today had the potential to be really craptastic. We lost a project at work. I think that I've dedicated roughly eleventy billion hours of my life to this damn project, which correlates into over 200 hours of my life, give or take. Do you know how many books I could have read in that time? Or how many seasons of Desperate Housewives or 24 I could have watched? Or how many great things I could have done in that time? But nooooo, I had to work on calgary--which I call cat-turtle-with-love-bones. It's a long story.

Anywho, we lost it to Aqua, who's stuff is inferior at best. But alas, it wasn't meant to be.

But here's the good news. My boys--the guys in the Kiki (my nickname) Admiration Society (the KAS)--got me a card saying how I'd worked so hard and they were sorry to hear about our losing the project. How many boys do you know who think to give girls cards like that? It was so sweet! Wow.

And then I have my now-work friends. My KayDee friends. My two best friends. My I've-known-since-first-grade friend. My family. I'm so lucky.

So, I have to wonder what crazy cosmic force is letting me have SO MANY amazing people in my life. It's like karma or something. I'm not sure if since I have always had such a drama-filled life I get to have friends, or if it is the other way around.

Do friends beget drama, or does drama beget friends? Chicken-egg or egg-chicken? Or does it even matter.

Whether or not I have an explanation, I must say that I'm so glad to be so fortunate. Especially in times like these

ah, the joys of "not being together." It's for the best, but it's damn hard anyway.
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