Thursday, May 19, 2011

all my bags [aren't] packed and I'm ready to go!

fo rizzle.

I keep looking at my calendar of italy and the names of the cities we're visiting that are written on it for every day we are there.

I keep talking about the trip, and every time someone asks me about my ventures out of the states (a two day trip to vancouver when I was 14 doesn't count) I almost tear up thinking about how long I've wanted to go to italy. (interesting sidenote--it was about, oh, 4 months after my little family trip to vancouver that I first wanted to see ancient rome)

I keep thinking I need to pinch myself.

I keep making lists. And learning words. And preparing the best I can. Oh, and I keep having crazy dreams. Like, last night I had a dream I felt like I was pregnant, and I wanted to take a pregnancy test, but things kept keeping me from it. One bathroom had no toilets. Another time I had to hide the pee-stick and it snapped in half. And then I had to steal another pregnancy test because I had ruined the other one and had no cash. It was all very weird.

The night before I dreamed I was jumping/flying up things. Like, crouching and lifting off. There was a building and I think I was trying to sneak into a room. Weird too.

right. I'm crazy, I know.

back to list making... :)

I feel a little like a messed up dr. seuss rhyme.

I have misplaced some earrings. I have been looking for them everywhere. It is making me crazy.

but it seems they are nowhere to be found. I'm sure they're hiding out somewhere, and one fine day they'll glimmer and shine at me to let me know they're there. but now? I keep thinking of green eggs and ham.

I did not find them in their box.
I did not find them with a fox.
I did not find them in a house
I did not find them with a mouse
I did not find them here or there.
I did not find them anywhere.

sigh. I've made a list of everywhere I've gone since the last time I had them in my hot little hands. They were in my wallet, y'see. Along with another pair of earrings and some change that I found safely in my purse. (The zipper to my wallet came un-zipped). So, the laws of physics are definitely not happy with this, methinks.

so yeah.

I do not like green eggs and ham.
I do not like them, Sam-I-am.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

alright alright, hey-hey, alright alright, yeah.

I wish I could remember what that's from. I don't. Oh well!

I am having an "I hate money" kind of day. I always hate money. There's never enough of it, it seems, and even when you make your mind up to be thankful for what you have, something happens to make you feel all brokedy-broke again.

case in point:

we have been saving for italy. planning for italy. thinking, breathing, sleeping, reading, learning for italy. so what happens less than a week before the italy trip?

a) a $270 convention that I want to go to but I'll be late to it, I'll have to take PTO to go to it AND I am supposed to pay for it by tomorrow night or the cost goes to $300,

b) a trip to Tulsa over the 4th of July (which we were also planning for, but not quite yet, but then realized we only had two weekends could go), accompanied by a credit card fiasco (long story) that means that instead of getting to take advantage of spending after the due date, thereby delaying that expense, we owe it sooner and

c) owing for the next session of the CSA already.

Now, I'm sure you're thinking: "But, Carrie, you've got a roof over your head and you eat well and you aren't, like, poor or anything, buck up!" And I know this. But I think I can explain.

Y'see, in my neck of the woods, money isn't something I think about eeeeevery day. I don't figure and analyze and add and subtract and take money out of savings all in one day. I don't obsess. I think about it, I try to be mindful, I pay my bills and I use what's left over to pay off debt/flights/etc. But because this Italy trip is costing quite a few more clams than we expected (our hotel costs were higher than anticipated by ~$50 a night, which is another long story, but is what it is), and because we don't want to be overly frugal the whole time we are there (why bother traveling to Italy if we're going to obsess over every penny and, like, choose mickey d's over pasta because of the $5 we'd save or whatever), money has been on my mind.

And it's making me crazy.

annnnd, full disclosure, I also feel a little sheepish because I just posted on my arch nemesis, aka FB, that I wish the $270 wouldn't've had the increase in price deadline happen in the middle of the month. If it were the 1st of the month? golden. but it's not. so, now I weigh the value of delayed paying v. paying $30 more. UGH. but now I feel like whiney-mc-whinersons because of it.

I mean, I'm going to friggin' ITALY. I should be rolling in the money, yes? Um, no. We saved. We shopped around. And we're gonna owe some after this (sorry for anyone who is a D.R@msey fan who just shuddered at that notion). We are going now not because we're rife with cash, which for the record, we're not--but because we can manage, and because we know we won't be going once there's a bambino in the picture--not on a 10 day overseas excursion. So we're making it work now because that makes the most sense to us. Capisce?

Right. Anyway. When it rains it pours or whatever. It will all be fine. I am sure that this is just the way I'm focusing my crazy right now since I've already made enough lists, done enough searches and learned enough words in Italian to make anyone a little nuts. :D Please do excuse my ranting. I'll return you to your regularly scheduled programming...

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

crazy insane or insane crazy?

(when I say husse!n you say shady)


I have been wondering if I am crazy insane or super-dee-duper-practical. y'see, in not long at all (cough*cough*less*than*two*weeks*cough) Matt and I head to Italy. And I am getting annnxious.

I mean, okay, so I just told the blogiverse when we leave. But most of my readers are people I know, friends of people I know, or people who don't live in my general vicinity. And a few random visitors and/or lurkers (hi there!). And the beauty of this blog is that you don't find it using g00gle, at least not if you're trying to find *me.*

right. so.

I am WAY worried about the whole random-folks-knowing-I'm-gone thing. Like, we have someone taking care of our cats and our neighbors are gonna keep an eye out. And that's just amazing! But I'm still nervous. Yesterday, this thing we do that I can't talk about unless you come watch television at my house (seriously!) told me they wanted to know the exact dates we were gonna be gone and a local contact who could let them in if necessary. Um, nope. Not letting a stranger into my home while we're gone, for one, and for two I'm not asking any friends to do that--don't want to put them in that position.

I wondered if I was being a bit paranoid. Or very practical. Or both. And then...

then I started contemplating a temporary change on FB so that no one could write on my wall. Because I don't want a lot of "have so much fun in Italy! hope today's flight goes smoothly" all over the place. 'Cause if you can find me on FB, you can find my home address. And not just because I have a business. But is that too extreme? I mean, on one hand, FB posts have caused actual real drama in my life. Oh the other hand, who is really going to break into a piddly little townhome, and what's the actual value of the things they could take (honestly, it's not like it's nothing, but it's also not like it's 100k or anything).

So, yeah. I dunno. I'm either crazy insane or insane crazy. Or totally practical. Or both.

Where's the extreme? I really think not letting repair folks in my house (with someone I designate) makes sense--whatever it is, it can likely wait. Or it's so bad that there won't be any second thought and I have no control of it. (e.g., fire, plague of locusts, flooding, acts of God, etc) (ps, the phrase "acts of God" makes me want to add "no tag-backs!") I dunno. Is taking away my FB wall too much? Is it too little? Should I have pretended we were going in, like, July and then surprised everyone when we left and came back? What do you think?

Friday, May 06, 2011

chiedo scusa per il mio stupido amico ubriaco americano

I've been brushing up on my Italian. AKA memorizing phrases and numbers because, well, that's all I've got. I have had aspirations of actually learning to speak Italian for a looooong time, but that's just not in the cards. And I don't think I really want to put forth that level of effort.

I have been in a very contemplative mood recently. I've been thinking a lot about choices. And change. And money. And decisions. And life. I've been wondering about a final foray into grad school, and if I'm ready for that again. Or if I even want it. Or if I'm prepared for what might happen if I don't get in. I've been thinking about whether or not we should try to move into a house this summer. It's a lot to consider.

And I've been trying to decide where I want my photography business to go. I'm getting a little burnt out already and the busy season is just beginning--and I'm once again considering limiting my clients to only couples, weddings and children over X age. Little kids are super cute and I love them, but it's much harder work and I find that the majority of the unreasonable requests I get come from parents with, like, a 3 month old. And I always have the most fun working with couples. But then sometimes the kiddos are amazing! I just dunno.

I've also started translating expenses (such as a flight to Tulsa, or that dress I want, or a new lens) into their equivalent in travel. e.g., when looking for flights to Tulsa last night I realized that for two plane tickets to Tulsa + a month of cable and internet we could fly to Italy again. (well, at the deal we got) That's insane, friends. Insane.


In exciting news:
-My work will be featured on a wedding blog next week.
-It's not too long until we head to Italy!
-Delicious, amazing, beautiful strawberries are in season.
-Softball is happening SOON!
-and I'm alllllllmost free of the evil clutches of TAP. Next Tuesday I am OUT. And I'm thrilled.

the end.

except, oh yeah. the title is "please excuse my stupid, drunk, American friend." just thought that would be a good one to keep in my back pocket, just in case we have another round of ridiculous hand gestures while saying names of cheeses and pastas. :)
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