let’s all raise a glass to the february finale.

cheers, skoal, l’chaim and salute! Or any other way you wanna say it. because in a few oh-so-short-but-still-of-usual-length hours, this loverly month will be O-V-E-R. thank goodness!

In an effort to be positive, I thought about writing 28 reasons that february isn’t that bad, but I decided it would require too much thinking. And then I thought about writing 28 reasons I hate february in order to get that dislike out—a catharsis, if you will—and decided it would be too depressing.

Instead? Some little factoids…

~if you dream of february it signifies ongoing ill health and gloom.
~february has Valentine’s Day. Thank you oh-so-much, Hallmark.
~its name comes from the Latin word for purification.
~it's spelled funny and its pronunciation is awkward and confusing at best.
~it is national lactose intolerance awareness month.
~february has disaster day (the 5^th), lame duck day (the 6^th) and toothache day (the 9^th).
~even the songs about February aren't chipper.
~and I hate it.

I use the word hate very carefully and about as much as I use the word “never.” I don’t like it, (you could say I hate the word hate, really…) but sometimes it’s appropriate. And this is one of those times. Usually it isn’t worth it to waste emotion on an inanimate object (such as a month) but this month is an exception. Because it is suck-tastic. Clearly, a month with holidays like that is bad news.

And I am super-dee-duper pleased that march begins tomorrow. And that february, while the most miserable month, is also the shortest. I am wearing cheery pink today in recognition of how freaking glad I am that the month-o-doom is coming to an end.

so here’s to us, for making it through february. cheers! high-fives all around! and dance a little jig in honor of the end of crap-ola month! yippee!

i like this.

saw it on a car on my way to the dermatologist. it made me nod my head. well, either that did or the death cab. one or the other. either way, I like it.

what do okies and texans have in common?

Well, apparently they often say what I say: “one, two, three, four, I declare a pinochle war.” You might’ve heard it’s a thumb war. And as far as I’m concerned, you’re mistaken. :)

I very much enjoyed Texas. It made me miss Oklahoma, actually. The people there are so freaking nice. And helpful. And although people in North Carolina are nice, the Okies and Texans put ‘em to shame.

I got to have Sonic, do tons of shopping (hello, Ross Dress for Less, this is Carrie calling. She hearts you.), consult answer-me-jesus (apparently I should be a patent lawyer, but when I asked if I'd go to hell for being a lawyer He said "have a nice afterlife" so I'm not sure how to take that...), have Scotty P’s, Blue Mesa (tex-mex at its finest, or texican, as Jessica called it), go to Hobby Lobby, eat sushi (twice!), go to outlet malls, take part in a dust storm and have some good ol’ Texas bbq ribs. (I don’t even like ribs, really, but these were awesome!)

And I saw A LOT of people—Renee and Jessica, of course. And Leanne. And Misha Baker. And Mark Turner. And my family (Candi, Randy, Jan, Chris and his girlfriend Brandy and her son Kaiden). And weirdest of all? Who did I run into in the Allen outlet mall JCrew? Saul Albom. It was like a mini-TU reunion this weekend. Weirdness.

I also came home with…counting here…three pairs of shoes, a jacket, sunglasses, a scarf, a purse, a necklace, five shirts, two pairs of socks, a dress, a skirt, two tank tops, five shirts, a pair of boxers (for sleeping in), a suit (with two different tops—jacket and another thing), a big bottle of shampoo and conditioner, a ball cap and two bottles of wine. Some of this I bought, others were gifts or hand-me-downs or things I left in Tulsa. But holy frigging moly was my luggage stuffed!

I have lots of pictures (duh!) but here’s a few for starters. My family and then the one Mark took of me, Misha, Jess and Renee (that's one of my cute new tops!). And me with the Bluebell (and the cute braids courtesy of Jessica!) Ooh, and that fountain is one of my fave pics from the trip.

And then there’s the picture of me driving a convertible for the first time ever—it’s my Aunt’s cute little Mercedes. I was so afraid I’d wreck it, but after driving I totally want a convertible. Well, I mean when I get my karmann ghia, which some day I will, I want it to be a convertible!

Happy Tuesday, peeps.

the stars at night are big and bright

[clap clap clap clap]

deep in the heart of texas!

which, uh, I'm not in--'cause Dallas sooooo isn't deep in the heart of texas. but it's a start.

and it's full of outlet malls, texican food and wonderful people that I love very much. lucky me.

:)

happy frienday folks--weird, 'cause I meant to say happy friday, but I typed happy frienday, and that's really a whole lot more accurate. okay, lunch and shopping are calling my name, ttfn.

sink or swim?

So, the more I read about them, the more credence I give to the meaning of dreams. Maybe this isn’t something done by all of the hoi polloi, but it’s done by me, and that’s what matters.

And my dream last night kind of makes me laugh. Because here I was, thinking I was over-thinking, when in fact, perhaps I'm not. odd, since I'm a chronic over-thinker.

~~~~

I was at an outdoor pool, or maybe one in a very very big room. There were bleachers on my right, and in the distance I could see a house, which I assumed was a frat house. And somehow, I ended up feeling like I had to do what I was told. There was a guy there, about my age, standing on the side at the other end of the pool.

He told me my task: to dive into the pool, swim to the other side, spin myself around(like a human screwdriver) and burrow through the half of a tomato on the other end. This tomato, by the way? Yeah, bigger than a bean bag chair.

I protested—I was worried I wouldn’t be able to spin fast enough to get through, and even if I could, what about the skin? I mean, who wants to die underwater, inside of a half of a giant tomato, near a frat house? that’s what I thought…

Well, he told me to do it anyway. And I protested—and he said “fine, then, it’s your choice,” threw a nickel in the air and told me to call it—“heads!” I said. And it landed tails. Which I understood meant that I’d have to do this, and that there’d be another task as well.

I calmed myself down, got poised and ready, and dove into the water.

~~~~

And then I woke up.

I guess I’m trying to get to the root of things—what I want, my problems, my thoughts. I’m trying to break through, to reach a place of happiness and harmony instead of anxiousness and unrest and maybe even discomfort/embarrassment. But I’m letting my rational, aggressive, competitive side call the shots—and taking things too casually, too lightly.

huh, how weird. I’m gonna have to mull over this some more—perhaps it isn’t about what I think it’s about. [which, by the way, just made me think of the princess bride and vizzini:inconceivable! inigo montoya: you keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.--oh, how I love the princess bride. ]

anyway, check out dreammoods.com—you never know what you might find out about yourself.

It was [seven] years ago today, sgt. pepper taught the band to play…

~lennon and mccartney

Today is a big part of the reason why I don’t like February. Sometimes I wish that it would pass without me noticing, but it never ever does. Thank goodness a lot of it is only a fuzzy recollection. So I try to remember the good things about my dad, and that helps. But it makes my heart heavy, and my eyes water a little bit anyway.

so, onto happier topics. and listage. because I don't want to spend the day all mopey. :D

1. I am PUMPED about going to Dallas tomorrow. PUMPED, I tell you.
2. I had a guitar lesson yesterday. I thought I’d gotten over a lot of my perfectionist-ic tendencies, but alas, I have not. But now I have some finger exercises, and it hurts to type with my left pointer—but I kind of think it’s a good hurt.
3. The clouds were AWESOME this morning. It was sunny, but the clouds were grayish and kinda fluffy. It made me think of Oklahoma.
4. I am doing an experiment. It involves a guy who is a real, genuine player. And I am getting a lot of amusement out of it. Don’t worry, I’m not being mean or anything, just gauging responses.
5. My new apartmentie Michelle and I are getting along swimmingly. Last night we had salmon, couscous and mixed veggies for dinner. Mmmmmm.
6. Yesterday I got commissioned work as a photographer. A guy I kinda sorta know from my softball team saw my photos after he found me on myspace, and has asked me to photograph the 1965 mustang that his family owns. It’s his dad’s bday in April, and they may be selling the car soon, so he wants me to capture it for them. This is EXCITING! And I’m trying to decide if it qualifies for completing resolution #4 or not.
7. Tonight is LOST!!!

Also, I have decided to give up procrastination for Lent. I mean, it’s not that I’m going to be 100% efficient 100% of the time, BUT. I am going to be a non-procrastinator. Starting today. First step: register for the GRE. I just have to decide if I’d rather take it on a Friday or a Monday. Hmm hmm. Then, I’m going to place a follow-up phone call to find out about the JD/MS program. And then, who knows??? Maybe being a non-procrastinator will suit me! And I figure I'm going to be a lot more in tune with whatever I should be doing if I get moving on it!

oh, wednesday, why can’t you be over already? why, why, why? Tomorrow will be a much better day, I just know it.

does this tuesday make me look fat?

I learned something on sunday: fat tuesday is also shrove tuesday AND pancake day. I like it that they're having a pancake dinner at my church, which is tres fun, even if I don't get to go 'cause I have guitar lessons.

I'm not certain what I'm giving up for lent. I briefly considered blogging, and then decided that was dumb. :) I thought about giving up Gilmore Girls (because I'm addicted) and I may do that, but I'm thinking about giving up procrastinating, maybe. I'm very good at that. procrastinating, that is, not giving up things.

I do think I'll never come up with a better thing to give up for Lent than I did my sophomore year of college (at least I think it was then. I'm pretty sure it wasn't my freshman year. I think that year I gave up calculus.). For that forty days I decided to give up worrying. The amount of time I freed up by not worrying was INCREDIBLE. When people asked and I told them they gave me some pretty crazy looks when I said, "yeah, I'm giving up worrying for Lent." But seriously? Couldn't've asked for a better thing to do.

moving on.

so, my guitar playing? well, I now know three-point-five-ish chords. but I'm really annoyed. at my ring finger. "Ring Man" in the thumbkin song. That fourth one. (that's three in guitar-land) The one with that vein or whatever that goes to the heart. So, I'm having trouble with it--I can't press the strings right, and instead of changing the pitch I just end up muting the string. Oddly enough, my ring fingers have been a problem for every instrument I've played--the piano, the flute and now the guitar. I couldn't press the keys "pretty enough" in piano, I had to put the hole stops back in my open-hole-flute and now I cannot press the strings right. Apparently it's shaped funny, moves funny and kinda weak. hmmm....

I'm sure someone could make a huge metaphor about my problems with my ring finger, but I'm not gonna, coz that's not how I roll. but anyhoo.

happy fat tuesday, kiddos.

oooh, and. I am a skosh concerned about the admission stuff for the JD/MS program I'm interested in, but I'm thinking it might work out after all. I read the fine print. :)

one way or another [he's] gonna get ya', get ya', get ya', get ya'

~blondie

hey, what's up with the anon-comment jerk? anyone else experiencing this? I got a skosh of harshness on my photog blog, and then I saw that kat had somebody be a meanie, too. craptasticness, methinks. someone has TOO MUCH FREE TIME and prolly no friends, but I'm just guessing here.

also? on a wholly unrelated topic, I'm quite proud of myself. I had to have blood taken at the doctor's office today and I did not faint! That's two times in a row!

perhaps I should avoid commenting on how sad it is that part of my exciting things in life have to do with not fainting when blood is drawn from my arms...oops, now I've gone and done it.

well my heart knows me better than i know myself so i'm gonna let it do all the talking.

(woo-hoo,woo-hoo)
~ kt tunstall

I’m going to have to play this song each time a guy is yucky. Because, well, it’s a good reminder.

And, um, would it be annoying for me to keep up this whole quoting songs or people as titles forever? ‘cause I think for the most part I’m gonna. Moving on…

So, today I’ve already poked myself once in each eye—once with my mascara wand (which HURTS—I may have to rethink mascara being my fave kind of makeup, you can do FAR less damage with a blush brush!) and once with my cute pink wreath when I was hurriedly going back inside to fetch my coffee I’d mistakenly left inside my house. It was a bit painful, as I’m sure you can see. :D

Now, I find this particularly funny since I’ve been wearing makeup, mascara specifically, since, oh, my freshman year of high school? (I actually remember ‘cause Eddie Fairchild was like, “hey, you look different, what’s different?” And I was too embarrassed to admit it!) and also I’ve been walking up to my door with a wreath on it for, like, ever (okay, maybe a year and change?) and I’ve never before managed to poke any part of myself with it, much less my EYEBALL. What’s that about?

Also, my dreams are freaking me out. Two nights in a row I dreamt about being dismembered and paralyzed. Which, in and of itself, is damn creepy. And then I looked it up, and I don’t like what it says. Often times when I look up dreams I’m like “oh, okay…I get it.” But not this time. What is falling apart? If anything, I thought I was getting it all together…

Eh, whatev.

Happy Tuesday people—well, at least, it’s already Tuesday for me!!!

some boys kiss me, some boys hug me I think they're o.k. If they don't give me proper credit I just walk away

~madonna

okay, so, I'm not so sure that you could legitimately call me a *material girl,* but I've been thinking about that song--especially those lyrics. I'm having fun with the not-playing games, y'know? I'd prefer the lyrics say "guys"--thank you, danny austria--but otherwise I like 'em. anyhoo.

so holy hell, friday night was CRAZY. see pictures below. it doesn't matter if they're old or new, krugerites + alcohol = yowza.

funny pictures, no? yikes.

man, oh, man. I don't eeeeeeveeeeennnnn wanna tell you what all happened, except that it involved a wiffle bat, lots of beer, a cake and a guy from myspace seeing me in the bar and saying hello. yeah, random. fun, but random. also, who knew that chemical engineers could party oh so hard? enjoy the craziness. seriously.

and, while I was in the car running by a mickey d's (food for the guy I drove home, water and a few stolen fries for me, thanks) I got asked and interesting question by the two employees--did I think women were stronger than men?

I said, "you mean physically? on average, no...plus our bodies aren't built like that."

then they wanted to know well what about mentally, and not like smarter, necessarily, but more like what they can do--the things of which they are capable? I said, well, I'd like to say women are stronger, yes. Mentally strong. Facing more adversities, more drama and, ultimately having babies. That's some mentally tough sh!t, methinks. And the other guy in the car, a fellow ChE chimed in too, actually agreeing, which was a TOTAL SURPRISE that I'm sure he'd rather I not repeat to his friends!

as a final resort, the anti-women-being-stronger guy brought up how we tend to be "emotional." which, honestly, we do. I explained that it was a strength though, and how men oftentimes hide it, which is unhealthy, and blah blah blah.

good thing there wasn't a line, eh? guess that's what you get for going through the drive through at 235 in the morning. turns out my entire evening was one big sociology lesson--which was awesome since my freshman sociology block class was my very fave class of all in college. but yeah, a little odd to be waxing profound about social norms et al while eating fries from the bane of most american's waist lines. but then again, perhaps there's no better place.

a b c it's easy as 1 2 3 as simple as do re mi

some jackson five for your friday.

I’ve got a headache and I spent last night watching an awesome but almost-tear-inducing musical (a light in the piazza) and then after some salsa music and strawberry stoli with sprite came home and watched a rather-tear-inducing grey’s.

You’d think the weepy night and the headache would lend themselves to a less-chipper song playing through my head, but you, m’dear, would be mistaken.

I’m finding out more and more about this whole JD/patent lawyer thing, and I like it. Like, the more I find out the more I think it’s what I would want to do. Hmm hmmmm hmmmmm.

I am So. Relieved. It’s. Friday.

And tonight I get to celebrate the induction of the newest member of the “I No Longer Work for Our Old Crappy Company.” I’d name it, but then it’s google-able. (and sorry if you still work there-‘cause a few of you have it good. but for the rest of us, yeah, we’d only like it there if we were keen on being a doormat, which, um, few people, especially engineering women, are. but I ramble…). Anyhoo, welcome, Erica, to the club!!!

Also, this exchange basically sums up last night: “is that ice?!?—yeah—or rocks?!?—um, oh my god they really are rocks.” [insert copious laughter here]

easy as 1 2 3
it's like counting up to 3
or simple as do re mi
sing a simple melody

"if there are going to be pictures I'm going to have to fluff."

~betsy pearce

the talking has ceased, at least for now, and I, for one, am completely enthusiastic about no longer wedging foam and plastic into my ear holes. :)

I believe that yesterday constitutes the best VDay I've had in a while, since there was no crying, no fighting, no gift or lack-of-card disappoinment and I enjoyed yummy food, excellent company, good tv and booze.

things that were good, recently:

(okay seriously, this is an attack of the killer li-ists--to be said like attack of the killer tomatoes. maybe there's something in the water. in tulsa. and north carolina. and arkansas. and who knows where else. anyhoo.)

!>getting to use a new appliance. the makeshift double boiler was kinda scary, and I'm not sure how I feel about its elevated center of gravity, however...
@>talking about british thermal units while celebrating vday. when else will I ever get to do that, I ask.
#>champagne in melting pot glasses, how appropriate
$>dahlia agreeing to do glamour shots for us (that's betsy's kitty cat!)
%>LOST--it was good, it was good!
^>watching desperate housewives from sunday night!
&>betsy and i took a huge step in our relationship--she gave me a key!
*>my tulips are opening bigger and bigger, see?

yeah, sundry pictures below.

and I really like this one of the tulips. yes, it is blurry. which usually equals bad. but I like the little ray-age of the sunshine. it warms my heart, okay? so sue me.

and this kid is pret-to-the-ty.

also-news alert-what is the DEAL with these series of coins that we keep printing? I mean, we overhaul the dollars and do the state quarters (when does OK's come out again? 2008, methinks. and check out these potential designs--I personally vote for #2) and the do the nickels and NOW?!? they're putting out dollar coins for the presidents--but only ones who are deceased because of some act in like 2005 or whatever. okay, fine.

'cept, you remember susan b. and sacagawea? yeah, their dollars didn't really GO anywhere. the only place you get/use 'em is when you buy stamps from the vending machine at the post office and it gives you the change in dollar coins instead of buckaroos.

and people get all up in arms about how women are only on coins, but at least it's ONLY women on the dollar coins, and now they're going to up and ruin that as well.

Fiscally, it makes sense (or rather saves them!) to get the US to use the coin dollar instead of the paper dollar. Over the course of 30 years, the life of the coin dollar, it costs 80 cents for all the dollars that had to go into circulation and only 20 cents for that coin that only needed to be minted once. I see it's a good thing. (not like we're going to put that savings to good use towards, y'know, not owing lots and lots of mulah to peeps, but whatev)

y'see, I couldn't care less about whether we use dollar bills or dollar coins as long as everyone accepts them. what I don't like is the hullabaloo about it. I mean, there's a WAR going on. And people are hungry and/or homeless. We are gigantic energy wasters/users and we still don't have a solution to that problem. And some people in the world STILL haven't heard of the Shins. And we, the people of the United States, in order to form a more perfect union, are getting our panties in a bunch over the cost of money. "Let's do away with the penny!", we cry. "Let's develop a long series of time-released dollar coins that will require new presses for each that's released and let's make that huge deal!", we say.

if I only had a dollar for every dumb thing the US did...er, um...yeah. now I'm going to have a whole smattering of dollars from which to choose. I'd better start being more specific! I think I'll start for asking for the Kennedy dollar. he was a cutie.

for the love of

~all that is holy.
~the safety of those around me.
~my eardrums.
~and my sanity.

STOP!!!!

I am presently sitting at my desk with earplugs in my ears. At least they’re blue and yellow so they go ever-so-nicely with my Tulsa sweatshirt. But really, I shouldn’t have to wear ear protection at my desk. There’s positively no reason for that, none at all. I mean, I work in a cube and it gets loud, but this is o-o-c.

The man in the office across from my cube has been talking for nearly an hour and a half straight. Loudly. And he’s used the word “essentially” approximately eleventy hundred million billion fafillion times.

I have seriously considered removing my eardrums, robbing myself of all future music listening, just so I don’t have to listen to him speak anymore. And you all know how much I love music.

I am tired.
And my head hurt when I woke up.
And it hurts even more now that he won’t shut the eff up.
I am losing it.

and?

I can’t listen to my music ‘cause I’ve got to do this thing that involves lots of reading and understanding, and I find it difficult to read with music if the music has words. Which all of mine does.

So I just wish that just for a moment just maybe he would please please please shut his pie hole. Seriously. I mean, I’m sure that God wants him to, right? Otherwise it might drive me into a fit, and I’m not sure He wants that so much.

Goodness gracious I wish it were Friday. No, Saturday. And that I were sleeping.

Oh, and Renee? I just thought of “holy cow.” :)

ugh.

perkier post presently, once his Researchness stops uttering and I can remove these earplugs. I YEARN for the sound of silence. And not the simon and garfunkel kind.

le sigh.

fifteen songs...

...for the single ladies on vday.

honestly? these songs are good any day. because, well, I do my darnedest not to listen to *bad* songs, if I can help it. but yeah. perhaps all anyone needs today is a bubble bath, some bubbly and some tunes. me? until we moved our fondue day, I had a date with some sushi and Mr. Bubble. :)

without further ado...

~roshambo by the network
~single again by fiery furnaces
~back to me by kathleen edwards
~hollaback girl by gwenny gwen gwen
~i love you ‘cause I have to by dogs die in hot cars
~coin-operated boy by dresden dolls
~is this love by cake
~everyday I love you less and less by the kaiser chiefs
~hounds of love by the futureheads
~distraction #74 by the avett brothers
~to your love by fiona apple
~mr. brightside by the killers
~don’t let the world get in your way by the jayhawks
~don’t stop me now by queen
~I hate everyone by get set go

ps-not bitter. just a skosh annoyed. but I did wear pink today and i did send out valentines, so I'm not COMPLETELY boycotting it. maybe I'm just boycotting boys. you'll notice that the word "girlcott" does not exist--or at least, when it does (as slang), it's usually based on some kind of women-empowerment...perhaps there's a reason for that, eh?

i know my calculus

~2 gether

My what a loverly day…le sigh.

So, some funny/interesting things.

Urban dictionary’s word o’ the day is valentine’s day. The definition made me giggle. And then made me think how I’m an October baby. But I’m later in Oct and I’m pretty sure we were a few weeks early (twins often are). So anyway, yeah.

and I heard TWO funny songs on the radio—one last night and one this morning. Do you remember the U + Me=Us song? The played in on wknc and I just sat in my car, in the rain, and laughed at it. Especially since, um, well, that’s not really calculus, it’s more like algebra! (nerd alert!) my fave lyrics:

Your algebra and trigonometry
Could never equal up
To what you do to me
So lets integrate differentiate
If you were in my class
There ain't no way I could pass
I hate english, gym
And not to mention, I can't even afford to pay my attention
If philosophy should ever come between us
But we'll always have our calculus

the second one is by the Dresden dolls—it’s called Coin-Operated Boy. I mean, “made of plastic and elastic he is rugged and long-lasting who could ever ever ask for more?” Yeah. laugh-central. I’m really liking having a nice working radio in the AM—it means I can listen to wknc or npr in the morning while I get ready.

Oh, and? I assume y’all heard about this story but if not…guess the cold clammy hand of death didn’t part them, huh? Yowzers. There’s all this speculation about how they might both be girls, or was the wife slain and buried with her hubby, or what. Is it wrong that I find this kind of funny--I mean it's sweet that they're in an embrace, but there's a lot we don't know and it's all coming out at v-day, sooo...yeah. It’s in Italy, and I think it’s weird. I mean, their legs—who lays like that? Maybe I just missed the boat on that particular cuddle position. Yeah, skeletons on v-day, so shoot me.

It’s weird that this is the first v-day since I was in EIGHTH GRADE that I am single (and it’s all Sterling’s fault—not now, but in eighth grade, take my word for it). It’s a bit odd, but on the bright side at least there’s no way I’m going to be disappointed. My friend Betsy and I are having fondue, champagne and watching LOST (thanks for the spoilers, jackie!). I also have a lunch date with Susan—I’m such a two-timer! :) But I am a leeeetle concerned that Susan was my new year’s date and now she’s my V-Day lunch date, and then Betsy was my new year’s kiss (on the cheek, kids, on the cheek) and now she’ my Valentine. Hmmmm…

And have you heard of this?--Initiative #957, Washington State. It’s HILARIOUS. It pissed me off at first until I realized that the guy was making a huge political statement, and an amusing one at that...if the state is saying that one of the reasons gay marriage shouldn’t happen is because homosexual couples can’t procreate, then they should require married couples to do just that. I mean, sure, it’s preposterous, but he’s got a hell of a point, there…

Last, but not least, I brought a man to work today. A little man. He's about two inches tall, from target, comes in different colors (and in different positions) and he makes me giggle. I found my leftovers (we had some in Charleston AND in NYC), so I had to bring one to work. I’ve a hunch they’ll be seen at a bachelorette party near you (in June?)!

happy vday, everybody, from nataliedee.com

xoxo.

ew.

I'm all for sex-ed (and not just teaching abstinence) and I get it that kids need to understand STDs and all, but what?!?

I'm not sure which astounds me more--that someone thought this was a good idea, or that these kids actually did it.

ew.
ew.
ew.

iterations.

so, if you're an engineer, or you took lotsa math you prolly know what one is. an iteration. you get closer and closer and closer until you're close enough.

it makes me think of when you hang a big picture, maybe with a wire and two nails. and you see it's a little off one way, and then a little off the other way, and then you're slowly bringing it to center. slowly.

and it feels like that picture frame is my life, and the teetering is slooooowly coming to a balance. that picture is going to be straight--or at least as straight as I can make it.

(it also, for some reason, makes me think of trying to figure out how many licks to the center of a tootsie roll. which is kind of random. but that's okay 'cause the owl is cute.)

A while ago I thought about getting my MBA. Then my MS in ChE. Which changed to my MS in Materials Science and Engineering (MSE), then to my PhD in MSE, then back to my MS in MSE. But something still seems *off.* I haven't quite hit that point where I know for sure.

so, I am thinking about doing this. maybe not there, but so far all the other programs I've found haven't been MSE.

now, maybe I'm a little batty (or owly?). certainly possible. but the more I think about it, no matter how much I like being in a lab, the more I think about it, the more it ain't gonna work for me. I mean, I can do it, to be sure, but I either have to get my PhD or I've got to settle--and I'm not very good at that. (at least not anymore!)

and I'm maybe just maybe thinking that potentially patent law is where it's going to be for me. I mean, I'd go specifically to go into patent law--'cause technical (and maybe a little dorky at times), comes with opportunities to learn more things and most importantly, a serious challenge.

and I know I keep changing my mind, but, well, I keep changing my mind because I keep seeing that with every decision I think I've made my heart isn't in it.

I still don't know though. and I've got an awful lot to learn before I decide.

but something clicks a little here. and this may sound silly to you, but it makes sense to me, because from when I was about, oh eight, until I went to high school I wanted to be a scientist and a lawyer. little did I know that it's entirely possible to do both--perhaps eight-year-old, permed-hair, artsy, softball-rockstar Carrie was onto something...

just perhaps.

she's been right before, you know.

ps-gratia tibi, jackie, for your insight/knowledge/letting me pick your brain/asking your friends. :D

g-double-o-d!

I'm in a list mood, okay? well, come to think of it, I'm normally in a list mood. but today I'm in a funny list mood, as I'm feeling inclined to make a letter-list. just deal with it--it will all be over soon, I swear.

so, you already heard about friday's zany-crazy-fun. but my weekend just got mellower and better. (well, except for the lingering headache, but that's just details, people...)

:D

a) slept in on saturday--well, that sleeping in was facilitated by my 345am bedtime. oopsie. woke up to otto moving out! he's a good human being and all, but having him out of my space=glorious.

b) had a dinner-date with katie on saturday night. hi-larious that ben told her, "you know, you can hang out with carrie when I'm home too!" he's right, but our evenings in are splendid--steak salsa verde from dream dinners, red wine, the movie down with love (why does renee z. stand so funny, huh?) with the simply dee-vine costumes...and we finished cutting out my quilt--see how pretty the fabric is? I'm sooooooo excited! also, apparently I heart ewan mcgregor--big fish, down with love and moulin rouge are three of my favorite movies. no one else makes it into more than two.

c) bought a cute tv stand, and also got an amp/dvd player combo and a tv. me likey. my pocketbook not likey, but it will get over it (for the record, I was sans tv stand, tv (other than my 13 incher in my room) and had otto's amp but no speakers--and if I got speakers would be revisiting this issue again in 6 months or so--yeah, practical but over-spending=me in a nutshell)

d) a very nice friend of mine sent me some very nice tulips. turner=awesomeness. thanks for being a good friend to me!

e) jessica got her dresses in. persimmon-covered-carrie, here we come! I'm excited to see them in Dallas!

f) I took some pictures of the loverly $3.88 walmart daisies that I got to reward myself. very happy. I brought some to my office too!

g) my new apartmentie, Michelle, moved in yesterday. she is very nice, and I think we will get along swimmingly!

so, I feel like stopping at g/7, 'cause I like it. and 'cause it's note-worthy (did you catch that, music-o-philes? it's really dumb and a stretch, but it made me groan a little). also, I'd like to say that I appreciate it mucho that katie helped me pick the color order for my new crochet project, and that she understands my particular style of neuroticism-which is at a lower level than hers, mind you, but sometimes can almost rival it. (that wasn't an insult to her, she understands...) I will miss our little dates, yes I will.

oh, and, on more exciting piece o' news--Audrey and Ryanthe gender of their baby. so so so incredible!!! and the details of the ultrasound are simply amazing!

I'm quite certain this isn't the last time I'll say it, but I'm so glad for them and their little one--if you're interested, see for yourself! the pictures made me get a little watery-eyed, even.

I can't believe it's only Monday. Today feels like it should be a Wednesday...oh well. At least I get to have fondue tomorrow (how have I never had fondue, huh? how, I ask, how?!?)

and then jesus sucker-punched me.

~reverend jay minnick

so, I really dig my church. really really. it's good stuff. I like the people, the building and the pastor--and what he has to say. (anybody else humming "I am the church?" well I am. anyhoo, moving on) So, I imagine y'all ('specially you bible-belters) are familiar with the beatitudes (which is in the Gospel of Matthew)--but are you familiar with Luke's version-- Luke 6:20-26? (and include 27-45 for good measure.)

well, yesterday at church our pastor preached on this--and how Jesus sucker-punched him. How there's a hook in this--how He gets you.

and you know something? He does.

it's all happy and intriguing in the beginning. you find yourself thinking, "hey, I'm poor/hungry/weeping." He's talking about me. You're in, you're caught, your attention is rapt. And then you hear the rest of it--and whoa.

So I'm going to go out on a limb here and say if you're reading this blog, chances are that in the beginning it's not you or me He's talking about. (not to say it's all been decided for us. because I don't believe it has. but you and me? we're doing a-o-k, methinks. I mean, seriously...)

sometimes it's very helpful to be reminded that our troubles aren't nearly as big or awful as we tend to make them. we often need a good healthy dose of perspective. and as I'm in this february funk (well-coined, kat--and the spring IS teasing us...good thing it's near!) I needed to hear this.

by most of the world's standards I'm an over-fed, privileged wealthy gal with a plush life, and though my trials and tribulations (if you can even call them that) may have been a bit more--let's go with varied and intense--than some of my friends/acquaintances, and even though I feel like I'm pretty much broke right now, all in all things are good for me. Realistically, all of my things to complain about are pretty superficial (as in surface, not as in ohmygosh, like totally). I'm having to suppress the urge to make another things-I'm-lucky-for list, really. Because I know that if I did I'd have a longer list than any of you are willing to read--and that just proves my point.

and, too--I have NEVER been persecuted for my beliefs. Ever. I've been questioned. Or people have teased me. Or I've been frustrated. Or limited. Or whatever. But never persecuted. That word is WAY stronger than anything I've ever experienced. Ever.

and while on one hand this revelation/wake-up call stings, on the other hand, it's refreshing to realize that there's so much I can do, and so much I have and so many ways I can help. it hurts to have this reality displayed so candidly, so honestly, but I think it's one of those good hurts. a healthy hurt. a cleansing one, even.

and I like it.

a second chance at first impression...

no, really. it's totally possible to get that. i know because I, Ms. I-Get-A-Good-Feeling-For-Who-You-Are-On-The-Spot, let somebody have a re-do.

remember THIS GUY? Mr. I-Stole-Your-Beer?

well, Susan and I saw him in downtown Raleigh, which is a good, oh, thirty minutes or more from where I saw him before. his friend wanted to use our barrel-space (they function as tables) and we agreed. and then I noticed it was HIM, and I said, "Your name is _____, and you stole my beer." Hoo buddy. The look on his face, let me tell you. yowza.

By the end of the night:
~he or his friend had bought us, oh, I'm going to guess (counting...) five or six drinks, altogether. and they'd paid our cover into another bar.
~we'd all danced. especially to michael jackson songs (billie jean, thriller, maybe something else, not sure. lots of spinning around made it a skosh fuzzy--I was paying too much attention to not spilling my drink or running into anybody). I felt very uma-thurman/john-travolta in pulp fiction.
~susan and beer-guy's friend had made a mess! they were drinking water--LOTS of it--and had begun to do the following: (1) fill shotglass with water from bigger glass, (2) throw water out of shotglass over their shoulder, (3) fill up their shotglass again very quickly, (4) pound the H2O. tres funny. meanwhile, beer-guy and I enjoyed our gin and tonics, thanks.
~we'd laughed a lot.
~and the kicker? beer-guy's friend did a backflip. in the middle of a crowded bar. but only after susan and I agreed to buy a round of shots for the four of us. it was CRAZY funny. made me think of oh-so-long-ago when I broke into who's that spartan in my teepee in Richbrou. 'cause he made a scene and everybody watched and it was funny.

We had a REALLY whole lot of fun, and it was just what I needed. Pity I missed chilling with my Durham friends. :( But I hope to see them soon enough!

lesson learned? go out with Susan more often! And keep an open mind. Because although as soon as I saw that guy I felt inclined to pour my drink on him, by the end of the night that was the farthest idea from my mind. It's a hard thing to accomplish, undoing such a bad first impression...but he managed it!

more about today later. good things, good things, coming to you soonish.

if you were meant to be my lover I wouldn't have to.

~no doubt.

And speaking of no doubt….I have smart friends, people. SMART. Wise beyond their years, really. And I like it. No doubt. Y’see, falling in love is the easy part. It’s EASY to fall in love. Even if you have issues. The relationship itself is supposed to be the hard part. And that, my friends, makes me feel A LOT better about my present situation.

So, I’m not exactly an ex-girlfriend, as Ms. Stefani sings about. But I’m now another guy’s girl-he-used-to-date. And though it stings a little, I’m good with it. I initiated, we agreed. But I’d be lying if I told you I wasn’t disappointed. And anyone who tells you differently is selling something.

We talked a lot less than you would have expected me to, and suddenly I really understood the meaning of the phrase flash in the pan. because that’s what we were—a flash in the pan. (on a happier note, though, this discussion showed me that I'm waaay more together than I even realized. waaaay. it's ALWAYS good to realize you've got a strong hold on who you are and what you think. anyhoo.)

I still have to return the books he loaned me, but he says I can read them first. They’re this and this. I’m definitely intrigued by the second one, that’s for sure. And my mom said she used to read books like the first one at my softball games—but she’d cover the books (y’know, like you did in school with brown paper bags, and like I still do with wrapping paper?) so that people couldn’t see what she was reading. It should be interesting returning them.

And today’s just a downer of a day. I kind of feel like I need to go rent a sappy movie or go read another Nicholas Sparks novel—so I can have a good cry. My photos didn’t get selected for the juried show. Oh well, Que Sera, Sera. I guess. I mean, after all, I am an amateur and I was competing against pros so I can’t get toooo upset. But man, I feel like a bad country song. Except I *think* that they don’t normally write them about art shows…just a hunch.

so I’m going to counter the wallowing wandas and negative nellies and downer debbies with some uppity ursulas and positive petunias!

ready? [deep breath] go!

~thirteen days from today I will be with my two bestests, renee and jess. in texas. I will get to see them, my aunts candi and jan, my uncle randy, my cousin chris and his girlfriend (I haven’t seen this side of my fam since my grandma la la’s funeral two years ago) AND I get to see Turner and also Misha (and maybe her hubby) who I’ve not seen since May 2003!
~tonight I’m going out on the town with the girls. always a good way to make a day better! mmmm…cocktails.
~Otto (finally!) moves out this weekend and my new apartmentie (like roomie!) moves in! Otto and I did have a good convo yesterday though, and he told me some funny stuff about my boy sitch. It was weird. And nice.
~I am going to take a nap after work!
~there is a hot water tap on the coffee pot in the break room—which means I can fill my pink(!) thermos and have tea any time I want! (it’s the little things, people)
~I get to play my extra super very pretty guitar a lot this weekend!
~my good friend Del is coming to town the first weekend in March! We are going to have so much fun!
~I have more of Gilmore Girls season 6 calling my name at home—I want to finish it before the end of this season—the 7^th—so I can watch the last episode on time if it ends up being the series finale.
~it is deliciously cold outside. deliciously. and no, I’m not crazy. much.
~tomorrow Katie and I are enjoying quilting, wine and food. all good things. all.
~I leave work in just over an hour. me likey.

Did I leave any positives off the list? I’m positive I did. But hopefully I’ll think of ‘em later and they can cheer me up then…

and the funk that I'm in, post positive list = not as funky. thank the good lord for friday!

open up my eager eyes ‘cause I’m [Ms.] Brightside

~ the killers

I think I’m definitely getting annoyed here. I just am. It’s annoying. The only games I like to play are ones like Scrabble or Pente or Monopoly. But the cards I’m being dealt right now are more than a little iffy, and I think maybe the best thing to do is fold. I'm tired of always finding the positive or giving the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes I need to pull the switch and turn this part of my personality OFF. Or at least dim the light a little. 'cause I'm getting tired o' the crap, really.

And it makes me think of a little quote Jackie used a while ago. It’s a tinge too profound/deep/meaningful for my particular situation, but it works.

~Giving up doesn't always mean you are weak; sometimes it means that you are strong enough to let go ~

It’s kind of just a reminder that maybe I should pay a little more attention to myself. And excise the drama. ‘cause, well, I’m not down with drama, dig?

eh. anyhoo. guess I've got some figuring out to do.

Went to my first geee-tar lesson last night. The guy was nice. And FINALLY all of those high-school guitar-playing boyfriends (Fred in particular—can you believe I dated a guy named Fred? I mean, what craziness. But back to your regularly scheduled programming…) paid off—I knew parts of the guitar and how to hold the pick right and stuff like that, so that was good.

He asked me what my “goal” was, though. It was totally out of the blue, but I guess that my goal is to be able to play the guitar. I don’t want to be a soloist or anything. But I want to be able to jam with people and play at church or whatever. That’s like 99.5% of why. The other part is for when Susan and I are the next Indigo Girls, without that whole lesbian aspect. :)

anyhoo, working on that resolution—yee-haw!

ooooh and I need to tell y’all about dream dinners. It’s not so awesome for singletons (unless you're down with eating leftovers), but it’s a factoid to stash away for later in life or for couples or if you like to have dinner parties. They have all the ingredients prepped for you, you just follow the recipe, put ‘em in ziplock baggies and take ‘em home to freeze. There are suggestions for sides and everything!

The kaydees went on Monday and invited our friends. wine + snacks + friends + free food=awesome! We had a really good turn out and since we did a “sneak peek” we all came home with six servings of food for free!

But now I have more food than I know what to do with (poor me, I know--area folks, get ready to come eat at my place!) I went there a few weeks ago and made 18 servings with my friend Patty—18 each. So I have those, all bagged up in three-serving sizes. And then I brought home the two sets of three on Monday (that’s 8 meals total). Plus since I was hostess I got another set of 6 that they made for me ahead of time (now we’re up to 10). AND ‘cause people bought dinners I *think* I’m getting another 3 sets of 6 servings (so now that’s a total of 16 3-serving meals! and I only paid $50 for the whole lot 'cause I got so many free!) That plus the two containers of leftover meatballs from last Thursday’s ladies’ night, plus the bottle of champagne Olivia told me to take, plus the bottle and a half of wine that people didn’t take home.

Anybody wanna come eat at my house? Just don’t bring anything that needs to go to the freezer, ‘cause it’s completely full and I’ve still got a credit of 18 servings to prepare!

It makes me stuffed just thinking about it!

oh and a wediquette question. When do I get to be a Ms. (or Ms without a period, depending) as opposed to a Miss? It makes me a little wacko when I get anything addressed to "Miss." Okay, well that's not true actually. It makes me a little wacko when I get something addressed to "Miss" and I know it's a you-aren't-married kind of a thing. (and I'm talking about mail here, not saying my name, and if you've sent me a letter and you're reading this blog I'm quite certain that I knew that you didn't mean anything that would make me wacko by it, k? maybe dot, 'cause she's cute, but not wacko. now that we've got that covered) But really, if I'm 30 and not married and a successful engineer will manners still dictate that I'm a Miss? I prefer Ms. myself. and not just 'cause it's more professional sounding--it makes my name sound kinda funny if you call me Miss. my friend Jeff actually calls me Madam Carrie for this very reason.

and at some point, this will matter. because right now (if the statistic I heard at sunday school was correct) 51% of households in this nation are run by single women (w/ or w/o families or roommates or whatever). anyhoo.

(ps, hope no one's bothered by the picture. but you're all smiling and your eyes are all open and I think that means it's a good picture for a group. so um, yeah. just roll with it.)

clothes-minded with naughty tresses

so, I’ve been trying to get my life in order. figure out things I want, things I need and where those two ways of thinking mesh. I’m trying to do things, to be things, to start things. And as you learn in feng shui (which it’s totally my mom’s fault that I’m interested in), cleaning up and organizing your home is a big part of cleaning up and organizing your life.

now, I’m a messy person...

(man, those thoughts/nods/sighs/yelps of agreement were almost tangible!) Anyone who has ever lived with me or gotten close enough to me that I’ll let you see me with my cleaning-guard down knows this. But I’ve got some of you swindled though, and let me come clean—I’m a messy person. Not filthy messy. Just clutter—sometimes extreme amounts of clutter—messy. I try not to be, but to some extent it cannot be helped. I mean, if you’ve seen my mom’s house or my sister’s little house, you KNOW I’m doing awesome at being a clean person, comparatively speaking. Guess it’s another part of my upbringing that I’m trying to undo?

anyhoo.

so, I’ve decided that my closet (which, by the way, occupies part of my “love/marriage,” “creativity/child” and “helpful people/travel” areas) is a disaster and it must be taken care of. I need to organize and expunge—but not in that order. And a good way to begin was by getting rid of some clothes.

I tried to use the Audrey method—if you haven’t worn it in a year it gets donated—but I couldn’t bring myself to part with some of my dresses. And I am still trying to talk myself into getting rid of some pants that will never fit me ever again. I’m making an effort though. And hopefully when/if I move in—yikes!—six months it will make the process easier. Hopefully.

[step back from thinking the scary planning-ahead thought, carrie. waaaaay back.]

tonight? leave work at 630 or before. eat food. GO TO MY FIRST GUITAR LESSON. and then put on some eminem, ‘cause “tonight I’m cleaning out my closet.”

Oh, and the bad hair day part. Ha! You know how sometimes in movies ||:something funny happens, and then something else happens that makes the first thing even funnier:|| and they just keep building? Yeah, that. (man, using the musical double bars and two dots is helpful. Or if I could use a D.S. al coda…yeah, that’s the ticket, I think... Ooh, but hard to do with blogger. Yeah, nebbermind.)

So, I’m doing my hair, per usual. Wash, wear towel on head, put volumizing product in my hair—not ‘cause it works, but because it makes me feel like I made an effort!—blowdry hair, put top part and bangs in Velcro rollers, let sit while I put on makeup and then remove and pretend it’s done. That’s is NOT how it went.

I felt like the girl in the garnier commercials that someone comes along and forces hair help upon. Like a dee-zaster. And like everything I tried to do to my bangs made it worse—they were somehow flipped out at one point, then all going the wrong directions, then HUGE. I even resorted to trying a headband, but that succeeded in creating a little row of hair spikes at the edge of the headband. It was bad, I tell you bad. And not in the put-in-a-ponytail kind of way. because that wouldn’t take care of my bangs.

this hair disaster was ALMOST as bad, ALMOST, as the GHD1989ish ( the Great Hair Disaster of 1989ish--you knew that, right?), when I did my own hair for my school picture. I wore this hideously trendy turquoise button-up shirt-dress, complete with an angled, ruffled bottom, leggings and chucks—with the alternating socks of course! And my hair. Oh, god, the hair. Parted on the side with the middle top part pulled into a little side ponytail. This part, I crimped. The rest? Shirley Temple curls brought to me by the lesser gods known as sponge rollers. This, by the way, was when I had a perm, so the curls would stay. Oh dear. When I go home next I may have to abscond with that yearbook so I can scan it for your laughing pleasure. Yeah. If my hair today made me think of THAT fateful day, you know it was intense.

final thing on this very-long-for-a-tuesday blog:

I’m like 97% on getting the very dorky license plate. That’s avogadro’s number on it. (if you don’t know—here’s the sum-up, it's a nerdy chemistry number-- 6.02*10^23 another way to write it is 6.02E23) So, because of this number, at 6:02 on 10/23 you celebrate National Mole Day. Know what else is on 10/23? Kappa Delta’s founding AND my birthday! cool, huh?

yeah, I think maybe, just maybe, this is the license plate for me. It’s not like I can hide my nerdiness anyway—you talk to me for five minutes and it rears its cute head. And besides, you’ve got to be at least a little nerdy to know it’s nerdy in the first place, right? Right? RiGhT?!?

that’s what I though.

there's so much that we share, that it's time we're aware...

~r. m. sherman and r. b. sherman

so, just last friday I found my old friend Molly on myspace. I know her from the summer before 7th grade. Over the course of our friendship she convinced me that I could wear a bikini [you guys can thank her later ;) ], told me how to "flirt" and was the probably one of the first people to make me feel "cool." (Meaning that up until that point I often felt like many insecure teenagers do, that my friends were the cool ones, and they were hanging out with me for any number of not-that-carrie-was-super-cool reasons. Don't worry, I wasn't depressed or anything like that, I just thought that I wasn't the coolest cube in the freezer. But at leastI was still in the freezer. :) this was probably the result of 1)going to school and being friends with rich kids and 2)having acne and 3)that my mom stopped dressing me when I went to first grade and just let me wear whatever I wanted as long as it was cleanish, warm enough and all of the appropriate areas were covered...but I digress...) and she was my first friend to ask me to be in their wedding. We were insta-friends, and I liked it. (and it's because of her, sort-of, that I know one of my very bestest friends, renee! yip-to-the-ee!)

so, anyway, today I go to look at Molly's pictures. And I see her "top friends" and I think, hey, that person looks familiar. I open her page, and I have no idea who she is. But I see that one of her friends has a picture that keeps changing, and it's listing off verses in leviticus regarding tattoos, homosexuality, working on sunday--basically all of those no piercings, only eat this type of food, be fruitful and multiply shalls/shall nots. And each verse has pictures--of mickey d's, or a huge tattoo or whatever.

I find their picture intriguing, so I go to their page to check out whether or not they're for real--is their mind seriously so closed and do they actually present their viewpoint so blatantly? the answer, by the way, seems to be no.

so then (I'm almost done here) I see that one of this leviticus-guy's friends has a weird picture. and I click to see their profile. And guess who's staring back at me on their top friends? Sterling, Christal and Jonathan Tanner. Who I've known since 1st grade, 2000ish and 5th grade, respectively. my. goodness.

though the mountains divide and the oceans are wide, it's a small world after all...