for the love of

~all that is holy.
~the safety of those around me.
~my eardrums.
~and my sanity.

STOP!!!!

I am presently sitting at my desk with earplugs in my ears. At least they’re blue and yellow so they go ever-so-nicely with my Tulsa sweatshirt. But really, I shouldn’t have to wear ear protection at my desk. There’s positively no reason for that, none at all. I mean, I work in a cube and it gets loud, but this is o-o-c.

The man in the office across from my cube has been talking for nearly an hour and a half straight. Loudly. And he’s used the word “essentially” approximately eleventy hundred million billion fafillion times.

I have seriously considered removing my eardrums, robbing myself of all future music listening, just so I don’t have to listen to him speak anymore. And you all know how much I love music.

I am tired.
And my head hurt when I woke up.
And it hurts even more now that he won’t shut the eff up.
I am losing it.

and?

I can’t listen to my music ‘cause I’ve got to do this thing that involves lots of reading and understanding, and I find it difficult to read with music if the music has words. Which all of mine does.

So I just wish that just for a moment just maybe he would please please please shut his pie hole. Seriously. I mean, I’m sure that God wants him to, right? Otherwise it might drive me into a fit, and I’m not sure He wants that so much.

Goodness gracious I wish it were Friday. No, Saturday. And that I were sleeping.

Oh, and Renee? I just thought of “holy cow.” :)

ugh.

perkier post presently, once his Researchness stops uttering and I can remove these earplugs. I YEARN for the sound of silence. And not the simon and garfunkel kind.

le sigh.

fifteen songs...

...for the single ladies on vday.

honestly? these songs are good any day. because, well, I do my darnedest not to listen to *bad* songs, if I can help it. but yeah. perhaps all anyone needs today is a bubble bath, some bubbly and some tunes. me? until we moved our fondue day, I had a date with some sushi and Mr. Bubble. :)

without further ado...

~roshambo by the network
~single again by fiery furnaces
~back to me by kathleen edwards
~hollaback girl by gwenny gwen gwen
~i love you ‘cause I have to by dogs die in hot cars
~coin-operated boy by dresden dolls
~is this love by cake
~everyday I love you less and less by the kaiser chiefs
~hounds of love by the futureheads
~distraction #74 by the avett brothers
~to your love by fiona apple
~mr. brightside by the killers
~don’t let the world get in your way by the jayhawks
~don’t stop me now by queen
~I hate everyone by get set go

ps-not bitter. just a skosh annoyed. but I did wear pink today and i did send out valentines, so I'm not COMPLETELY boycotting it. maybe I'm just boycotting boys. you'll notice that the word "girlcott" does not exist--or at least, when it does (as slang), it's usually based on some kind of women-empowerment...perhaps there's a reason for that, eh?

i know my calculus

~2 gether

My what a loverly day…le sigh.

So, some funny/interesting things.

Urban dictionary’s word o’ the day is valentine’s day. The definition made me giggle. And then made me think how I’m an October baby. But I’m later in Oct and I’m pretty sure we were a few weeks early (twins often are). So anyway, yeah.

and I heard TWO funny songs on the radio—one last night and one this morning. Do you remember the U + Me=Us song? The played in on wknc and I just sat in my car, in the rain, and laughed at it. Especially since, um, well, that’s not really calculus, it’s more like algebra! (nerd alert!) my fave lyrics:

Your algebra and trigonometry
Could never equal up
To what you do to me
So lets integrate differentiate
If you were in my class
There ain't no way I could pass
I hate english, gym
And not to mention, I can't even afford to pay my attention
If philosophy should ever come between us
But we'll always have our calculus

the second one is by the Dresden dolls—it’s called Coin-Operated Boy. I mean, “made of plastic and elastic he is rugged and long-lasting who could ever ever ask for more?” Yeah. laugh-central. I’m really liking having a nice working radio in the AM—it means I can listen to wknc or npr in the morning while I get ready.

Oh, and? I assume y’all heard about this story but if not…guess the cold clammy hand of death didn’t part them, huh? Yowzers. There’s all this speculation about how they might both be girls, or was the wife slain and buried with her hubby, or what. Is it wrong that I find this kind of funny--I mean it's sweet that they're in an embrace, but there's a lot we don't know and it's all coming out at v-day, sooo...yeah. It’s in Italy, and I think it’s weird. I mean, their legs—who lays like that? Maybe I just missed the boat on that particular cuddle position. Yeah, skeletons on v-day, so shoot me.

It’s weird that this is the first v-day since I was in EIGHTH GRADE that I am single (and it’s all Sterling’s fault—not now, but in eighth grade, take my word for it). It’s a bit odd, but on the bright side at least there’s no way I’m going to be disappointed. My friend Betsy and I are having fondue, champagne and watching LOST (thanks for the spoilers, jackie!). I also have a lunch date with Susan—I’m such a two-timer! :) But I am a leeeetle concerned that Susan was my new year’s date and now she’s my V-Day lunch date, and then Betsy was my new year’s kiss (on the cheek, kids, on the cheek) and now she’ my Valentine. Hmmmm…

And have you heard of this?--Initiative #957, Washington State. It’s HILARIOUS. It pissed me off at first until I realized that the guy was making a huge political statement, and an amusing one at that...if the state is saying that one of the reasons gay marriage shouldn’t happen is because homosexual couples can’t procreate, then they should require married couples to do just that. I mean, sure, it’s preposterous, but he’s got a hell of a point, there…

Last, but not least, I brought a man to work today. A little man. He's about two inches tall, from target, comes in different colors (and in different positions) and he makes me giggle. I found my leftovers (we had some in Charleston AND in NYC), so I had to bring one to work. I’ve a hunch they’ll be seen at a bachelorette party near you (in June?)!

happy vday, everybody, from nataliedee.com

xoxo.

ew.

I'm all for sex-ed (and not just teaching abstinence) and I get it that kids need to understand STDs and all, but what?!?

I'm not sure which astounds me more--that someone thought this was a good idea, or that these kids actually did it.

ew.
ew.
ew.

iterations.

so, if you're an engineer, or you took lotsa math you prolly know what one is. an iteration. you get closer and closer and closer until you're close enough.

it makes me think of when you hang a big picture, maybe with a wire and two nails. and you see it's a little off one way, and then a little off the other way, and then you're slowly bringing it to center. slowly.

and it feels like that picture frame is my life, and the teetering is slooooowly coming to a balance. that picture is going to be straight--or at least as straight as I can make it.

(it also, for some reason, makes me think of trying to figure out how many licks to the center of a tootsie roll. which is kind of random. but that's okay 'cause the owl is cute.)

A while ago I thought about getting my MBA. Then my MS in ChE. Which changed to my MS in Materials Science and Engineering (MSE), then to my PhD in MSE, then back to my MS in MSE. But something still seems *off.* I haven't quite hit that point where I know for sure.

so, I am thinking about doing this. maybe not there, but so far all the other programs I've found haven't been MSE.

now, maybe I'm a little batty (or owly?). certainly possible. but the more I think about it, no matter how much I like being in a lab, the more I think about it, the more it ain't gonna work for me. I mean, I can do it, to be sure, but I either have to get my PhD or I've got to settle--and I'm not very good at that. (at least not anymore!)

and I'm maybe just maybe thinking that potentially patent law is where it's going to be for me. I mean, I'd go specifically to go into patent law--'cause technical (and maybe a little dorky at times), comes with opportunities to learn more things and most importantly, a serious challenge.

and I know I keep changing my mind, but, well, I keep changing my mind because I keep seeing that with every decision I think I've made my heart isn't in it.

I still don't know though. and I've got an awful lot to learn before I decide.

but something clicks a little here. and this may sound silly to you, but it makes sense to me, because from when I was about, oh eight, until I went to high school I wanted to be a scientist and a lawyer. little did I know that it's entirely possible to do both--perhaps eight-year-old, permed-hair, artsy, softball-rockstar Carrie was onto something...

just perhaps.

she's been right before, you know.

ps-gratia tibi, jackie, for your insight/knowledge/letting me pick your brain/asking your friends. :D

g-double-o-d!

I'm in a list mood, okay? well, come to think of it, I'm normally in a list mood. but today I'm in a funny list mood, as I'm feeling inclined to make a letter-list. just deal with it--it will all be over soon, I swear.

so, you already heard about friday's zany-crazy-fun. but my weekend just got mellower and better. (well, except for the lingering headache, but that's just details, people...)

:D

a) slept in on saturday--well, that sleeping in was facilitated by my 345am bedtime. oopsie. woke up to otto moving out! he's a good human being and all, but having him out of my space=glorious.

b) had a dinner-date with katie on saturday night. hi-larious that ben told her, "you know, you can hang out with carrie when I'm home too!" he's right, but our evenings in are splendid--steak salsa verde from dream dinners, red wine, the movie down with love (why does renee z. stand so funny, huh?) with the simply dee-vine costumes...and we finished cutting out my quilt--see how pretty the fabric is? I'm sooooooo excited! also, apparently I heart ewan mcgregor--big fish, down with love and moulin rouge are three of my favorite movies. no one else makes it into more than two.

c) bought a cute tv stand, and also got an amp/dvd player combo and a tv. me likey. my pocketbook not likey, but it will get over it (for the record, I was sans tv stand, tv (other than my 13 incher in my room) and had otto's amp but no speakers--and if I got speakers would be revisiting this issue again in 6 months or so--yeah, practical but over-spending=me in a nutshell)

d) a very nice friend of mine sent me some very nice tulips. turner=awesomeness. thanks for being a good friend to me!

e) jessica got her dresses in. persimmon-covered-carrie, here we come! I'm excited to see them in Dallas!

f) I took some pictures of the loverly $3.88 walmart daisies that I got to reward myself. very happy. I brought some to my office too!

g) my new apartmentie, Michelle, moved in yesterday. she is very nice, and I think we will get along swimmingly!

so, I feel like stopping at g/7, 'cause I like it. and 'cause it's note-worthy (did you catch that, music-o-philes? it's really dumb and a stretch, but it made me groan a little). also, I'd like to say that I appreciate it mucho that katie helped me pick the color order for my new crochet project, and that she understands my particular style of neuroticism-which is at a lower level than hers, mind you, but sometimes can almost rival it. (that wasn't an insult to her, she understands...) I will miss our little dates, yes I will.

oh, and, on more exciting piece o' news--Audrey and Ryanthe gender of their baby. so so so incredible!!! and the details of the ultrasound are simply amazing!

I'm quite certain this isn't the last time I'll say it, but I'm so glad for them and their little one--if you're interested, see for yourself! the pictures made me get a little watery-eyed, even.

I can't believe it's only Monday. Today feels like it should be a Wednesday...oh well. At least I get to have fondue tomorrow (how have I never had fondue, huh? how, I ask, how?!?)

and then jesus sucker-punched me.

~reverend jay minnick

so, I really dig my church. really really. it's good stuff. I like the people, the building and the pastor--and what he has to say. (anybody else humming "I am the church?" well I am. anyhoo, moving on) So, I imagine y'all ('specially you bible-belters) are familiar with the beatitudes (which is in the Gospel of Matthew)--but are you familiar with Luke's version-- Luke 6:20-26? (and include 27-45 for good measure.)

well, yesterday at church our pastor preached on this--and how Jesus sucker-punched him. How there's a hook in this--how He gets you.

and you know something? He does.

it's all happy and intriguing in the beginning. you find yourself thinking, "hey, I'm poor/hungry/weeping." He's talking about me. You're in, you're caught, your attention is rapt. And then you hear the rest of it--and whoa.

So I'm going to go out on a limb here and say if you're reading this blog, chances are that in the beginning it's not you or me He's talking about. (not to say it's all been decided for us. because I don't believe it has. but you and me? we're doing a-o-k, methinks. I mean, seriously...)

sometimes it's very helpful to be reminded that our troubles aren't nearly as big or awful as we tend to make them. we often need a good healthy dose of perspective. and as I'm in this february funk (well-coined, kat--and the spring IS teasing us...good thing it's near!) I needed to hear this.

by most of the world's standards I'm an over-fed, privileged wealthy gal with a plush life, and though my trials and tribulations (if you can even call them that) may have been a bit more--let's go with varied and intense--than some of my friends/acquaintances, and even though I feel like I'm pretty much broke right now, all in all things are good for me. Realistically, all of my things to complain about are pretty superficial (as in surface, not as in ohmygosh, like totally). I'm having to suppress the urge to make another things-I'm-lucky-for list, really. Because I know that if I did I'd have a longer list than any of you are willing to read--and that just proves my point.

and, too--I have NEVER been persecuted for my beliefs. Ever. I've been questioned. Or people have teased me. Or I've been frustrated. Or limited. Or whatever. But never persecuted. That word is WAY stronger than anything I've ever experienced. Ever.

and while on one hand this revelation/wake-up call stings, on the other hand, it's refreshing to realize that there's so much I can do, and so much I have and so many ways I can help. it hurts to have this reality displayed so candidly, so honestly, but I think it's one of those good hurts. a healthy hurt. a cleansing one, even.

and I like it.

a second chance at first impression...

no, really. it's totally possible to get that. i know because I, Ms. I-Get-A-Good-Feeling-For-Who-You-Are-On-The-Spot, let somebody have a re-do.

remember THIS GUY? Mr. I-Stole-Your-Beer?

well, Susan and I saw him in downtown Raleigh, which is a good, oh, thirty minutes or more from where I saw him before. his friend wanted to use our barrel-space (they function as tables) and we agreed. and then I noticed it was HIM, and I said, "Your name is _____, and you stole my beer." Hoo buddy. The look on his face, let me tell you. yowza.

By the end of the night:
~he or his friend had bought us, oh, I'm going to guess (counting...) five or six drinks, altogether. and they'd paid our cover into another bar.
~we'd all danced. especially to michael jackson songs (billie jean, thriller, maybe something else, not sure. lots of spinning around made it a skosh fuzzy--I was paying too much attention to not spilling my drink or running into anybody). I felt very uma-thurman/john-travolta in pulp fiction.
~susan and beer-guy's friend had made a mess! they were drinking water--LOTS of it--and had begun to do the following: (1) fill shotglass with water from bigger glass, (2) throw water out of shotglass over their shoulder, (3) fill up their shotglass again very quickly, (4) pound the H2O. tres funny. meanwhile, beer-guy and I enjoyed our gin and tonics, thanks.
~we'd laughed a lot.
~and the kicker? beer-guy's friend did a backflip. in the middle of a crowded bar. but only after susan and I agreed to buy a round of shots for the four of us. it was CRAZY funny. made me think of oh-so-long-ago when I broke into who's that spartan in my teepee in Richbrou. 'cause he made a scene and everybody watched and it was funny.

We had a REALLY whole lot of fun, and it was just what I needed. Pity I missed chilling with my Durham friends. :( But I hope to see them soon enough!

lesson learned? go out with Susan more often! And keep an open mind. Because although as soon as I saw that guy I felt inclined to pour my drink on him, by the end of the night that was the farthest idea from my mind. It's a hard thing to accomplish, undoing such a bad first impression...but he managed it!

more about today later. good things, good things, coming to you soonish.

if you were meant to be my lover I wouldn't have to.

~no doubt.

And speaking of no doubt….I have smart friends, people. SMART. Wise beyond their years, really. And I like it. No doubt. Y’see, falling in love is the easy part. It’s EASY to fall in love. Even if you have issues. The relationship itself is supposed to be the hard part. And that, my friends, makes me feel A LOT better about my present situation.

So, I’m not exactly an ex-girlfriend, as Ms. Stefani sings about. But I’m now another guy’s girl-he-used-to-date. And though it stings a little, I’m good with it. I initiated, we agreed. But I’d be lying if I told you I wasn’t disappointed. And anyone who tells you differently is selling something.

We talked a lot less than you would have expected me to, and suddenly I really understood the meaning of the phrase flash in the pan. because that’s what we were—a flash in the pan. (on a happier note, though, this discussion showed me that I'm waaay more together than I even realized. waaaay. it's ALWAYS good to realize you've got a strong hold on who you are and what you think. anyhoo.)

I still have to return the books he loaned me, but he says I can read them first. They’re this and this. I’m definitely intrigued by the second one, that’s for sure. And my mom said she used to read books like the first one at my softball games—but she’d cover the books (y’know, like you did in school with brown paper bags, and like I still do with wrapping paper?) so that people couldn’t see what she was reading. It should be interesting returning them.

And today’s just a downer of a day. I kind of feel like I need to go rent a sappy movie or go read another Nicholas Sparks novel—so I can have a good cry. My photos didn’t get selected for the juried show. Oh well, Que Sera, Sera. I guess. I mean, after all, I am an amateur and I was competing against pros so I can’t get toooo upset. But man, I feel like a bad country song. Except I *think* that they don’t normally write them about art shows…just a hunch.

so I’m going to counter the wallowing wandas and negative nellies and downer debbies with some uppity ursulas and positive petunias!

ready? [deep breath] go!

~thirteen days from today I will be with my two bestests, renee and jess. in texas. I will get to see them, my aunts candi and jan, my uncle randy, my cousin chris and his girlfriend (I haven’t seen this side of my fam since my grandma la la’s funeral two years ago) AND I get to see Turner and also Misha (and maybe her hubby) who I’ve not seen since May 2003!
~tonight I’m going out on the town with the girls. always a good way to make a day better! mmmm…cocktails.
~Otto (finally!) moves out this weekend and my new apartmentie (like roomie!) moves in! Otto and I did have a good convo yesterday though, and he told me some funny stuff about my boy sitch. It was weird. And nice.
~I am going to take a nap after work!
~there is a hot water tap on the coffee pot in the break room—which means I can fill my pink(!) thermos and have tea any time I want! (it’s the little things, people)
~I get to play my extra super very pretty guitar a lot this weekend!
~my good friend Del is coming to town the first weekend in March! We are going to have so much fun!
~I have more of Gilmore Girls season 6 calling my name at home—I want to finish it before the end of this season—the 7^th—so I can watch the last episode on time if it ends up being the series finale.
~it is deliciously cold outside. deliciously. and no, I’m not crazy. much.
~tomorrow Katie and I are enjoying quilting, wine and food. all good things. all.
~I leave work in just over an hour. me likey.

Did I leave any positives off the list? I’m positive I did. But hopefully I’ll think of ‘em later and they can cheer me up then…

and the funk that I'm in, post positive list = not as funky. thank the good lord for friday!

open up my eager eyes ‘cause I’m [Ms.] Brightside

~ the killers

I think I’m definitely getting annoyed here. I just am. It’s annoying. The only games I like to play are ones like Scrabble or Pente or Monopoly. But the cards I’m being dealt right now are more than a little iffy, and I think maybe the best thing to do is fold. I'm tired of always finding the positive or giving the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes I need to pull the switch and turn this part of my personality OFF. Or at least dim the light a little. 'cause I'm getting tired o' the crap, really.

And it makes me think of a little quote Jackie used a while ago. It’s a tinge too profound/deep/meaningful for my particular situation, but it works.

~Giving up doesn't always mean you are weak; sometimes it means that you are strong enough to let go ~

It’s kind of just a reminder that maybe I should pay a little more attention to myself. And excise the drama. ‘cause, well, I’m not down with drama, dig?

eh. anyhoo. guess I've got some figuring out to do.

Went to my first geee-tar lesson last night. The guy was nice. And FINALLY all of those high-school guitar-playing boyfriends (Fred in particular—can you believe I dated a guy named Fred? I mean, what craziness. But back to your regularly scheduled programming…) paid off—I knew parts of the guitar and how to hold the pick right and stuff like that, so that was good.

He asked me what my “goal” was, though. It was totally out of the blue, but I guess that my goal is to be able to play the guitar. I don’t want to be a soloist or anything. But I want to be able to jam with people and play at church or whatever. That’s like 99.5% of why. The other part is for when Susan and I are the next Indigo Girls, without that whole lesbian aspect. :)

anyhoo, working on that resolution—yee-haw!

ooooh and I need to tell y’all about dream dinners. It’s not so awesome for singletons (unless you're down with eating leftovers), but it’s a factoid to stash away for later in life or for couples or if you like to have dinner parties. They have all the ingredients prepped for you, you just follow the recipe, put ‘em in ziplock baggies and take ‘em home to freeze. There are suggestions for sides and everything!

The kaydees went on Monday and invited our friends. wine + snacks + friends + free food=awesome! We had a really good turn out and since we did a “sneak peek” we all came home with six servings of food for free!

But now I have more food than I know what to do with (poor me, I know--area folks, get ready to come eat at my place!) I went there a few weeks ago and made 18 servings with my friend Patty—18 each. So I have those, all bagged up in three-serving sizes. And then I brought home the two sets of three on Monday (that’s 8 meals total). Plus since I was hostess I got another set of 6 that they made for me ahead of time (now we’re up to 10). AND ‘cause people bought dinners I *think* I’m getting another 3 sets of 6 servings (so now that’s a total of 16 3-serving meals! and I only paid $50 for the whole lot 'cause I got so many free!) That plus the two containers of leftover meatballs from last Thursday’s ladies’ night, plus the bottle of champagne Olivia told me to take, plus the bottle and a half of wine that people didn’t take home.

Anybody wanna come eat at my house? Just don’t bring anything that needs to go to the freezer, ‘cause it’s completely full and I’ve still got a credit of 18 servings to prepare!

It makes me stuffed just thinking about it!

oh and a wediquette question. When do I get to be a Ms. (or Ms without a period, depending) as opposed to a Miss? It makes me a little wacko when I get anything addressed to "Miss." Okay, well that's not true actually. It makes me a little wacko when I get something addressed to "Miss" and I know it's a you-aren't-married kind of a thing. (and I'm talking about mail here, not saying my name, and if you've sent me a letter and you're reading this blog I'm quite certain that I knew that you didn't mean anything that would make me wacko by it, k? maybe dot, 'cause she's cute, but not wacko. now that we've got that covered) But really, if I'm 30 and not married and a successful engineer will manners still dictate that I'm a Miss? I prefer Ms. myself. and not just 'cause it's more professional sounding--it makes my name sound kinda funny if you call me Miss. my friend Jeff actually calls me Madam Carrie for this very reason.

and at some point, this will matter. because right now (if the statistic I heard at sunday school was correct) 51% of households in this nation are run by single women (w/ or w/o families or roommates or whatever). anyhoo.

(ps, hope no one's bothered by the picture. but you're all smiling and your eyes are all open and I think that means it's a good picture for a group. so um, yeah. just roll with it.)

clothes-minded with naughty tresses

so, I’ve been trying to get my life in order. figure out things I want, things I need and where those two ways of thinking mesh. I’m trying to do things, to be things, to start things. And as you learn in feng shui (which it’s totally my mom’s fault that I’m interested in), cleaning up and organizing your home is a big part of cleaning up and organizing your life.

now, I’m a messy person...

(man, those thoughts/nods/sighs/yelps of agreement were almost tangible!) Anyone who has ever lived with me or gotten close enough to me that I’ll let you see me with my cleaning-guard down knows this. But I’ve got some of you swindled though, and let me come clean—I’m a messy person. Not filthy messy. Just clutter—sometimes extreme amounts of clutter—messy. I try not to be, but to some extent it cannot be helped. I mean, if you’ve seen my mom’s house or my sister’s little house, you KNOW I’m doing awesome at being a clean person, comparatively speaking. Guess it’s another part of my upbringing that I’m trying to undo?

anyhoo.

so, I’ve decided that my closet (which, by the way, occupies part of my “love/marriage,” “creativity/child” and “helpful people/travel” areas) is a disaster and it must be taken care of. I need to organize and expunge—but not in that order. And a good way to begin was by getting rid of some clothes.

I tried to use the Audrey method—if you haven’t worn it in a year it gets donated—but I couldn’t bring myself to part with some of my dresses. And I am still trying to talk myself into getting rid of some pants that will never fit me ever again. I’m making an effort though. And hopefully when/if I move in—yikes!—six months it will make the process easier. Hopefully.

[step back from thinking the scary planning-ahead thought, carrie. waaaaay back.]

tonight? leave work at 630 or before. eat food. GO TO MY FIRST GUITAR LESSON. and then put on some eminem, ‘cause “tonight I’m cleaning out my closet.”

Oh, and the bad hair day part. Ha! You know how sometimes in movies ||:something funny happens, and then something else happens that makes the first thing even funnier:|| and they just keep building? Yeah, that. (man, using the musical double bars and two dots is helpful. Or if I could use a D.S. al coda…yeah, that’s the ticket, I think... Ooh, but hard to do with blogger. Yeah, nebbermind.)

So, I’m doing my hair, per usual. Wash, wear towel on head, put volumizing product in my hair—not ‘cause it works, but because it makes me feel like I made an effort!—blowdry hair, put top part and bangs in Velcro rollers, let sit while I put on makeup and then remove and pretend it’s done. That’s is NOT how it went.

I felt like the girl in the garnier commercials that someone comes along and forces hair help upon. Like a dee-zaster. And like everything I tried to do to my bangs made it worse—they were somehow flipped out at one point, then all going the wrong directions, then HUGE. I even resorted to trying a headband, but that succeeded in creating a little row of hair spikes at the edge of the headband. It was bad, I tell you bad. And not in the put-in-a-ponytail kind of way. because that wouldn’t take care of my bangs.

this hair disaster was ALMOST as bad, ALMOST, as the GHD1989ish ( the Great Hair Disaster of 1989ish--you knew that, right?), when I did my own hair for my school picture. I wore this hideously trendy turquoise button-up shirt-dress, complete with an angled, ruffled bottom, leggings and chucks—with the alternating socks of course! And my hair. Oh, god, the hair. Parted on the side with the middle top part pulled into a little side ponytail. This part, I crimped. The rest? Shirley Temple curls brought to me by the lesser gods known as sponge rollers. This, by the way, was when I had a perm, so the curls would stay. Oh dear. When I go home next I may have to abscond with that yearbook so I can scan it for your laughing pleasure. Yeah. If my hair today made me think of THAT fateful day, you know it was intense.

final thing on this very-long-for-a-tuesday blog:

I’m like 97% on getting the very dorky license plate. That’s avogadro’s number on it. (if you don’t know—here’s the sum-up, it's a nerdy chemistry number-- 6.02*10^23 another way to write it is 6.02E23) So, because of this number, at 6:02 on 10/23 you celebrate National Mole Day. Know what else is on 10/23? Kappa Delta’s founding AND my birthday! cool, huh?

yeah, I think maybe, just maybe, this is the license plate for me. It’s not like I can hide my nerdiness anyway—you talk to me for five minutes and it rears its cute head. And besides, you’ve got to be at least a little nerdy to know it’s nerdy in the first place, right? Right? RiGhT?!?

that’s what I though.

there's so much that we share, that it's time we're aware...

~r. m. sherman and r. b. sherman

so, just last friday I found my old friend Molly on myspace. I know her from the summer before 7th grade. Over the course of our friendship she convinced me that I could wear a bikini [you guys can thank her later ;) ], told me how to "flirt" and was the probably one of the first people to make me feel "cool." (Meaning that up until that point I often felt like many insecure teenagers do, that my friends were the cool ones, and they were hanging out with me for any number of not-that-carrie-was-super-cool reasons. Don't worry, I wasn't depressed or anything like that, I just thought that I wasn't the coolest cube in the freezer. But at leastI was still in the freezer. :) this was probably the result of 1)going to school and being friends with rich kids and 2)having acne and 3)that my mom stopped dressing me when I went to first grade and just let me wear whatever I wanted as long as it was cleanish, warm enough and all of the appropriate areas were covered...but I digress...) and she was my first friend to ask me to be in their wedding. We were insta-friends, and I liked it. (and it's because of her, sort-of, that I know one of my very bestest friends, renee! yip-to-the-ee!)

so, anyway, today I go to look at Molly's pictures. And I see her "top friends" and I think, hey, that person looks familiar. I open her page, and I have no idea who she is. But I see that one of her friends has a picture that keeps changing, and it's listing off verses in leviticus regarding tattoos, homosexuality, working on sunday--basically all of those no piercings, only eat this type of food, be fruitful and multiply shalls/shall nots. And each verse has pictures--of mickey d's, or a huge tattoo or whatever.

I find their picture intriguing, so I go to their page to check out whether or not they're for real--is their mind seriously so closed and do they actually present their viewpoint so blatantly? the answer, by the way, seems to be no.

so then (I'm almost done here) I see that one of this leviticus-guy's friends has a weird picture. and I click to see their profile. And guess who's staring back at me on their top friends? Sterling, Christal and Jonathan Tanner. Who I've known since 1st grade, 2000ish and 5th grade, respectively. my. goodness.

though the mountains divide and the oceans are wide, it's a small world after all...

"mary alise, I thought of a positive about the vomiting..." ...or... wiggler!

sorry for the icky title, but it had to be done. because, well, I actually said it around nine o'clock this morning. i think that tequila doesn't go well with creme brulee, even if you've only had two margaritas. ick ick ick. I guess I missed out on a lot of the holding-someone's-hair-back thing in college, and now I'm getting my comeuppances?

plus, I spend the whole weekend feeling icky anyway. me and the pepto were getting friendly. and then today? because my tummy was still hurty I didn't feel like eating much, but needed some sustenance--and since my mom suggested it, I learned how to poach an egg.

so, the superbowl is over and I have no idea who won 'cause I haven't finished watching it yet. and by watching, I mean that I dvr'd it, and I'm fast-forwarding through the football and just watching the commercials. it's a good game, I know, I know, but I just don't enjoy football enough to watch hours and hours of it when my tummy hurts and I've got my review to work on. I'm sure this makes me unamerican or something...

but seriously, I love me some dvr. I want to meet the person who came up with the brilliance so I can kiss them. It'sa luxury, yes, and it's not free, but it's sooooooo worth it. kisses. for. the. inventor. seriously.

oh, and something fun. so, I like regina spektor, right? and I've also started digging the avett brothers. and know what? regina wrote a song with the avett bros in mind--how cool that two artists I like are gonna combo!!!

ps: the positive was that I didn't get ill on my new sweater, and the wiggler is a girl with an unfortunate name who I honestly don't even know. It's like people who name their children Sam Samson or something all rhyme-ee. ugh.

rules to live by

1. don't go to bed angry.
2. don't call people when you've got a case of thinking crazy sh*t.

this is the diagnosis after I considered making a phone call last night. thanks renee, jess and sterling for your intervention. also, it's okay to have crazy sh*t. everyone does. (yes, even you!) but you've just gotta be careful about with whom you elect to share it...

I am soooo buying some of these kids today--they make me happy. I heart Oklahoma, really I do.
And mucho thankage goes to Katie for being the photographer last night. I'm quite pleased because yesterday I got to use my creme brulee torch for the first time! (thanks, Tuck!) I got it at the end of college but I was made to leave the butane in Owasso and I hadn't been able to find a refill cartidge (williams sonoma sells the torch but not replacement cartridges--what is that?!?). But the one from Target worked just fine, and now I have it! I'm going to start using more of the light brown sugar though. The tops didn't crack enough. Have you seen Amelie? It cracks right in that movie. I'm a bit picky about it.

Also, thanks to Ariel for teaching us how to play Bourre! If you like spades I think you'd like this game, too. And I got to use my cute new deck of pink cards. I love them!

nataliedee.com made me giggle today. I very rarely have diet soda (I usually take mine leaded if I have it, but I'm much more likely to drink an Izze), but I'd totally drink it out of a clean erlynmeyer flask--which, by the way, this is. it's not a beaker like the title says. oh my goodness I'm a gigantissimus nerd. anyhoo, here's the funnies.


and I totally copied Kat. If you take your little mousee and put it over one of my links a little window will pop up that shows you what the page looks like--so you can tell if it's been updated! how fun is that?!?

also, I am SERIOUSLY considering getting a personalized license plate. I've always wanted one even though they cost more--Anna and I thought about getting DBLTRBL for our '65 Impala, and Justin and I talked about getting license plates one day that said--1Kita, 2Kita, RedKita, BluKita. And now? I really think I might get one that says this:

there are three reasons. can you guess them?

i bet you'd have a lot more time to play if you'd let yourself go...

~the ditty bops.

things that make me pleased today.

1. it is snowing outside and (for now) I'm not going into work. (though I do have to do some work at home...)
2. I'm wearing my I heart NY shirt.

3. I noticed that I put my cereal in my oj glass before I poured my silk or my orange juice in it. (think I was distracted this morning? naaaah)

4. I made creme brulee last night.


5. I booked my first guitar lesson for next Tuesday evening.
6. I have a pretty pink wreath on my door.


7. The ladies are coming over tonight (weather permitting)

humor the cavewoman!

who has two thumbs and is cool as all get out?

this kid.

thanks for laughing at my really dumb jokes, for introducing me to tequila at the ripe age of (illegal to put here) and for always giving me artsy input. (or, um, at least pretending to laugh. can't always tell on gmail chat.) you make me giggle. (either that or it's the dementia I seem to be exhibiting presently...never can tell!)

tired of tires.

so, again, I was all working on this post about "need." I'm quoting Helen Keller AND Steven Tyler in it, just you wait. and then, mid-musing, I call to check on my Mattie. She's at Atlantic tire, y'see, and she's getting her inspection and oil changed. and two new effing tires.

so instead, let me quote Andie MacDowell...and you name that movie, k? see: label.

now, I just gave myself a little crash course on tires. what the state of nc requires (tread depth of 2/32 of an inch or more--and no, they don't reduce that fraction, the dummies), how to properly care for your tires (I mean, I knew about checking the pressure and rotating) and also watched a silly animated video about what to do in the event of a blowout. I learned how to measure your tread depth at home (with a lincoln penny), too. And the nice man on the telephone making me spend a gazillion dollars on some cord and rubber that's inflatable told me about tread life ratings and traction ratings.

and while I'm glad, nay, THRILLED, to know about these particulars in the rubber that goes round-and-round, round-and-round, round-and-round department, what I really want to know is why my car, which I haven't even been driving for TWO YEARS yet, already needs new tires. This baby's got 27,358 miles on her, give or take a fortnight. And she needs new tires.

sigh.

really, if I was either
1) terribly responsible,
2) terribly motivated or
3) terribly rich
I'd spring for the quad. A quad of tires to go with my love quadrilateral? nah. But apparently Mattie's rear is a little less ample than her front, or maybe those tires just lucked out, but I've still got 2 or 3 additional thirty-seconds before I need new ones for those. Maybe I'll think of it like she's getting a manicure now and she'll get a pedicure this summer, just in time for flip flops and swimming suits. :)

bad news: tires cost mucho mulah, 'specially when you sprung for the leather seats which came with fancy rims for which they only make performance tires, all 'cause you didn't want hot pink polka dots on your upholstery
good news: at least these new tires have ratings that are almost twice as good, so they *should* last a lot longer...maybe even until I pay off the car!

I was so excited about my tax return yesterday. SO excited. And now, I think I'll be using it to buy me some tires. yip-to-the-ee. At least I love love love my car. And that's all the silver lining I got.

me: I know, maybe I’ll get him lumps of coal... mary alise: ...and switches! …but not the erotic kind!

Saturday night was so much fun! Girls nights out should be required by law!

After a long nap and a church meeting and dinner, I headed to meet the ladies out and about. I had to change clothes in the car—going out clothes are NOT appropriate for church meetings—but I did so without showing everyone my wobbly bits, and even found a good parking spot!

By some miracle we got a table at Kanki and gorged ourselves on sushi, which is always an excellent thing to do. And I ordered a drink called a saketini—nice to try, and pretty to look at, but kind of weird. It was vodka, sake and ginger… We took some silly pictures of the “big drinks,” but alas those are all on Mary Alise’s camera. Maybe I’ll add it in later. It was fun that my friends (only two of whom knew each other) all got along very very well!

We got to carpool, and full car=fun! That's L-to-R, Susan, Marla, Kim, Mary Alise and me!!! We made the parking attendant guy take our picture before heading to The Dirty. Which was FULL of guys. There was a bachelor party going on, and that made it well exceed the girl-to-guy ratio you normally see in Raleigh. Typically, it’s a “sausage fest” (think about it…ew, I know), but this was crazy. It was really like 3 or 4 guys per girl. Most of whom were HAMMERED.

And in The Dirty there’s a VIP section upstairs, which was also all guys leaning on the balcony, smoking and watching the handful of girls in the place. What’s that about? Anyhoo.

Also, for the record, Mary Alise is NOT a *BAD* influence. She’s a *FUN* influence. The kind of fun that goes like this—suck down that strawberry stoli and sprite real quick so you can go order another one and talk to that guy. Ha! And oopsie…

When we went to The Red Room we got stamps on the inside of our wrists, which just screamed “take a picture of me!” Or was it that I was um…one, two, three…yeah, four drinks in?

We managed to score the leather loveseat and chair at one point, and told this one guy how we liked his shirt—it said “Hi. You’ll Do.” Fun. Nee. When I stopped him and told him his shirt was funny, that’s exactly what he said—gave me the gun finger point and said, “You’ll Do.” To which I responded “You’ll do, too.” We laughed, he left, the end…

Until we went to Bogarts and were reminded of what a small town Raleigh can be. Thank goodness it wasn’t one of mine—I’d had enough boy-related drama this weekend, ifit’sallthesametoyou. It was still pretty uncomfy though.

And my friends were excellent wingmen—for a guy I wasn’t even really interested in other than as entertainment for the next thirty minutes. (though, oddly enough, guess what his name started with? that's right, another K name. ) Marla was heroic, even though his friends got bored with her—HOW is that POSSIBLE?!? She’s funny stuff. And good to go out with—we kept making “loops” around the bar. The crowded crowded bar. And then we took amusing pictures, ‘cause that’s what cameras are for when you’re drinking…

When I finally rolled home I fell into bed and woke up at SEVEN FORTY FIVE to go to church and sing in the choir. Ugh. But I made it in time to hear the anthem, give my offering and sing with the choir AND I was super good and went to Sunday school, where we talked about social justice. We learned about this group, and it has inspired another post that’s rolling around in my head, and which would be entirely inappropriate to add to a post that’s about drunkenness…so it will be here soonish. I took a looooong nap (I was running on less than five hours of post-drinking sleep, and I didn't sleep very well on Friday night due to 1) a headache and 2) being upset, (though 2 might have caused 1) so I was drained!) And after napping enjoyed errands, returning things, dinner and grocery shopping at Kroger. boy-oh-boy, do I love grocery shopping, especially at Kroger. how weird am I, huh? :)

also, I'm sending a special thanks to jessica, sterling and mark for talking to me this weekend, and one to the gals for going out on Saturday. fun fun fun fun fun.

love quadrilateral

so, I feel like I don't usually have *normal* issues--well, not issues, exactly, 'cause those have negative connotations, but you get the idea. anyhoo.

I think I'm in a love quadrilateral (and thank you, jessica, for coining that term!)

of course I looked up quadrilateral on wikipedia, and I'm pretty sure mine's "complex," which is sooooo appropriate. (see diagram below!) it's not all connected, y'see...there's some parts that don't go together (and mine, for the record, doesn't all connect--it has that center to it.) and, ironically enough, seeing as how I saw some abriged bard last night, the term "love quadrilateral" is oft used to describe the characters in "A Midsummer Night's Dream."


speaking of which, the play was HYSTERICAL. It started off slow, but by the time they did hamlet for the second time I was laughing so hard I was crying. and the part with Ophelia's scream was AWESOME-did y'all have that happen too? all in all? all good.

anyhoo, love triangle and quadrilaterals and rhombi and dodecahedrons and whatever make me think of another thing I've been meaning to blog about. what the hell is up with this "modernization" of Archie comics? There's kind of a love triangle/quadrilateral going on with them too...depending on Reggie's involvement.

but what? Betty as Britney? say it ain't so, say it ain't so!!!

they look so much better like this. even if it's not "good," at least it's classic...
That just makes me sad. Because I read a GAZILLION Archie comics when I was little (and I still have a huge box of them at my mom's house in Tulsa) and I used to always always want to be Betty. She was my hero, of sorts--she was your girl-next-door, cute but a brain, a blonde, crafty and friendly and could play musix--AND she was mechanically inclined. I wanted to BE Betty Cooper. Y'know, maybe I will be for Halloween...anybody wanna be my Veronica? Or my Archie?

but anyway, what's with this new image for the comics thing, eh? no good, methinks. no good at all.

ooh, and, for all you word-o-philes out there...did you know that the love triangle, when depicted in a movie or whatever, is actually called Betty and Veronica Syndrome? Bet they never knew the impact they'd have when they started that comic, huh? and although in the archie comics veronica was always picked, maybe this time it will be the Betty? If she even decides that's what she wants...guess only time will tell. And good news is I've got time in spades...

eh, enough waxing un-profound for Carrie today. It's time to take a little tiny nap, exercise and get ready for dinner at church, followed by sushi and drinking with the girls. :D

your mother is always right.

um. yeah, that's a lie. not only because I don't necessarily know your mother (okay, well actually I have met quite a few of your mothers, but that's beside the point) but also because some day, if/when I'm a mother, I sure as heck hope that I'm not expected to be right all the time.

but my mom is right. and if my granny is PLEASED that I'm going to drop my class, and I know it's the right thing to do, then I should just do it. and I have. and I'll give back the scholarship money easy-as-pie (which, apparently, is a British phrase) , as long as I don't have to take this stinking class.

because I don't want to, it makes me stressed and unhappy, I'm not learning the material and I have a gut feeling about it. please see resolution number 6. technically I just withdrew from the university, which is extra super odd for me, but it's soooo the right thing. soooo.

instead? focus on photography and the GRE. which I STILL need to take. but I will be much much happier plastering my walls with notecards of vocab words than I will be if I keep taking this class.

weight.
off.
of.
shoulders.
and.
I.
like.
it.

tonight I'm seeing The Complete Works of Shakespeare (abridged). I think it's supposed to be good and funny--and I hope they're right!

ooh, and, the title makes me think of something REAL dumb I did when I was, oh, let's say eight? I saw a button, a little button like the ones indie rock bands like to give out, about the size of a quarter and it said, "I'm the mommy, that's why." Despite the fact that "mommy" wasn't spelled right (my mom is a Mommie. I, too, will be a Mommie someday, should I have kids. It's a thing--"ie" is more fun than "y," wethinks.) I bought my mom the button. Let me tell you, the next few weeks would have made for a few good punchlines in Gilmore Girls--because ALL THE TIME I heard, "I'm the mommy, that's why." Good. Freaking. Ness.

anyhoo. funny memory. AND? I found a picture that makes me think of the pin I gave her. yikes.



happy weekending, dears.