the thoughts in my head...

viva italia!

in 24 days I will be embarking upon what I hope will be the most amazing trip of my life to date. don't get me wrong, the engage-a-cation was incredible, and I saw the first view that literally rendered me unable to speak, and it was so.much.fun--BUT....it is no Italy. Today I am thinking about walking around Monterosso al Mare and seeing the Roman Forum. I keep thinking about the Via Appia and Romulus and Remus and the Tiber River.

and in a very strange way, part of me wants to not bring my camera all. to just drink it all in with my eyes and hear the sounds and smell the scents. logical carrie knows that I'd cry and cry and cry if I didn't have my camera. perhaps I'll just need to be careful that I don't constantly have my camera connected to my face. :)

loss

today I have received word of two friends of mine who are experiencing losses--one of a grandparent, the other of a dear friend who was fighting breast cancer. this gal was diagnosed when she was 24 and has been fighting for two years.

while talking about it with another friend, via text, she mentioned that she just hadn't had too much experience with death. which made me realize that, sadly, I have. since stacey in the third grade. two grandparents, two aunts, my dad, other relatives, close friend's parents and relatives, cousins, even a softball team member. it makes my heart heavy to think of it.

how my life might be different a year from now.

I've been contacted for an august 2012 wedding. I'm not sure if she wants one shooter or two, yet. But then I though about the potential factors that I just don't have to consider yet that I might then. What if we're pregnant? What if we have a little bitty baby? Will we live in a house or will we still be in a townhouse? Will I still be working full time? What, if, when, how, why?

crazy...

why am I suddenly very interested in cooking everything random under the sun?

right now I'd like to make homemade marshmallows, graham crackers, my pizza from scratch, fried chicken, a lemon meringue pie, beer rolls, brew more of our own beer (yes, we brewed our own!) and perhaps also make my own chips or crackers or something on which I can spread cheese. oh yeah, and make some chevre or another soft cheese. jennifer and I successfully made mozzarella (pictures soon, I promise!) and I am SO proud of us for that, although we do need to hone our technique. and I did make cadbury creme egg brownies, too. I guess I'm all for new, strange recipes.

along that line, I want to redecorate my entire house.

okay, only sort of. I want to repaint the kitchen in a muted color (which isn't totally crazy since we're considering considering (yes, that double word was intentional) putting our home on the market). I want to go with a pretty paler muted yellow. That whole yellow-kitchens-catch-on-fire-thing be damned. Remove the bright yellow and orange and get a muted yellow. We shall see. And I want to paint our living room in a muted version of the spinach color we used. the littlest green wall in this post.

hair.

I'm slowly taking my hair to a color that's less red and more brown. these new vitamins are making it grow like a weed! and in the process I *think* I'm growing it longer. Like, put-in-a-bun-or-braid longer. It'll go in a teeny tiny ponytail now. we shall see. opinions appreciated. unless your opinion is "dye it blonde again." if that's the case, please kindly keep your thoughts to yourself :) No offense to you blondes out there! Y'see,I was a blonde-blonde for some of the worst moments of my life, AND I learned that people are not always very respectful of blondes in the engineering-type-workplace (or at least that they're less disrespectful to brunettes and redheads, ha!) so I am going to stay far away from blonde. Plus, it washes me out. :)

fry family vacay, 2011

highlights of the trip (in no particular order!):

1. meeting little alexis rose, the newest of my nieces.

2. getting to see katlyn's personality and finding out how awesome it is. she is such a precious little girl.

3. a billion hugs and kisses from bridget, who made us this ADORABLE sign saying she loved us(I think we'll be framing it) and who told aunt tonya that it's totally okay that bridget loves matt & me just a liiiiiittle bit more than any of her other aunts and uncles because matt and I gave her the really important job of being a flower girl in our wedding. (nevermind that is wasn't possible for anyone else to do that!)

4. french braiding katlyn and bridget's hair. and then tonya's. and then mine :)

5. seeing these wonderful folks that I got as family 'cause I put up will silly old Matt. ha! okay, well, they've always treated me like family (and I LOVE them for that) but it just makes my heart feel good to know that being a part of it is officially official. AND when the people called from the front desk and asked for "Mrs. Fry" I got to say "well, technically I'm one of them, but there are two others, and I think you want one of them."

6. playing outside with bridget and katlyn. pushing them on the swing, taking pictures of them playing and getting lots of hugs.

7. (this is possibly the most amazing part of all) successfully going to the beach for half an hour. I wore my spf50 cover-up the WHOLE time, and I put on spf110 sunblock (which does make a difference if you've got a complexion & allergy like mine!) and I wore my hat. But I actually helped build a sandcastle and somehow did not actually burn! WOOHOO!

ahem.

anyway, let's see some pictures, shall we?


love them. all of them. we missed trevor, but otherwise everyone was there, and it was splendidly splendid. :) I'm already looking forward to seeing many of these wonderful people at Christmas!

"she moves in such a way, I still fall in love with her every single day"

~sk6ers

We danced to that song in the kitchen last night for our anniversary. And we drank spumante from hillside winery, which we visited on our honeymoon. And we ate little cupcakes, too.

We went to eat at a local fancy-schmancy mexican restaurant, M3z (that 3 is an e!) and I love it. They have this unreal corn soup that I would gladly eat every day of my life. And delicious everything. And and and--on our reservation on 0pen t@ble, I noted that it was our anniversary. THREE of their staff members wished us happy anniversary and they brought us complimentary champagne! Super-full glasses, even. And when I asked the name of the champagne ('cause I liked it!) they actually brought us more--one of the mini-bottles that was about half full because it wouldn't fit in our glasses. It wasn't super-ritzy of course, but it was totally unnecessary and very generous of them!


After that, we drove to see if Mad Hatter's was open, but alas, no. So we got cupcakes at Whole Foods, and headed home. That's when we had the spumante, danced, ate the cupcakes and watched a show. Can you guess what it is? A hint: we watched it on the night we got engaged, on our honeymoon and when we got back to town after we got married. Second hint: it's in its last season. Third hint: it airs on fridays. :)


Please pardon the photos. I heart my iphone, but sometimes its picture quality is only so-so.

Oh and last but not least--the gifts :) I did three things for Matt, all written on pieces of paper. 1. I'm taking him to a movie on Saturday (he loves movies only slightly less than he loves soccer, which is only slightly less than he loves me. I call soccer his mistress.), 2. a new, nice watch ('cause the modern gift is clocks!) and 3. the very best one--I designed our wedding album! Okay, honestly I'm only through the ceremony, but I'm getting there and I'll be finishing it up this week!

And Matt? He knew all about the paper/clocks thing, but totally disregarded it because he wanted this first anniversary to be extra-special. He bought me something I've wanted for a long time--diamond earrings. He says there was tissue paper in the bag, so that counts! :) I was VERY surprised and totally impressed :) And I like that many moons from now I can tell people how my husband got them for me for our first wedding anniversary!

More about the weekend soon (yes, there's more!) but I had to share this today. Matt's definitely a keeper. :)

this time, a year ago....

I was on my way to Oklahoma. For our wedding.

And here we are, 361ish days later...and it has gone by so very, very fast.

For your first anniversary, the customary "traditional" gift is paper. And since it mimics the gift I got him a while ago that he loved so very, very much, I think I'm going to get him (slash us) a wedding album. We don't have one yet. (sidebar--the album I gave him for our two years of dating-iversary is his very favorite present I've ever given him, according to the questions fabulous renee and jessica asked before my bachelorette)

So, since he's out of town this weekend (and yes, that probably makes me the very most awesome wife in the universe for permitting my husband to go on a boy's trip the weekend of our first anniversary) I figure that's a splendid time for me to design it.

I have the photos and the design all picked out. I just have to DO it. But I think it will be a gift that he will love! Sadly, I won't be giving him the printed version on Sunday. I thought about it, but then decided that if I am shelling out for one of those really nice albums, then I need to let him see it before it goes to press.

I'm also thinking about getting him movie tickets for Friday night. Maybe for a late show, so I can go get a tattoo beforehand. Well, I *think* I'm getting a tattoo beforehand. I know I want a little little sunflower. What I don't know for sure is where...

I am seriously considering getting it on my left side, right below where my bra sits. Alternatively, I'm also thinking about above the elbow on the inside of my left arm. I want it to be somewhere that I can cover pretty easily, and I don't want it to show when I wear dresses or tank tops. And in case you just did the math--I only get tattoos on Good Friday. It's a thing. Good Friday 2003 and Good Friday 2007. And since I like odd numbers, perhaps it's fitting that I might get my final tattoo on Good Friday 2011.

ps: it is kind of hilarious to me when people look all shocked and amazed when they see my little nautilus shell poking out of my flat and say "you have a TATTOO????!?" I enjoy saying "yes, two." and I think I'll get an even bigger kick out of saying "yes, three!"

any suggestions? and any other ideas to add to the anniversary gift?

when I grow up.

little girl Carrie would have told you that she wanted to be a lawyer or an artist or a scientist when she grew up. She would have imagined a house with lots of rooms, pretty (but not fancy) things, a handsome husband, kitty cats, kiddos and a fruit bowl on the table. She would have told me I'd have lots of nice friends, that I'd go to church and that I would think bagels, fried chicken w/ mashed potatoes and corn and pumpkin pie were there best foods ever. And she would have told you that you should be nice to the world, nice to each other and that nothing was better than beating someone at Scrabble.

I suppose, to seven year old-ish me, I am all of those things. Not yet a mother (y'all know bring pregnant in Italy is soooooo off the table), but to her, I think I am, as my neighbor would say, "livin' the dream."

And it's funny because, well, I think I am. I was talking to my Granny last night (you know this can either be amazing or a total disaster ending in tears and super-analyzing a conversation, yes) and we ended up talking about money. About not spending $250/night on a hotel room in Italy because it was foolish, and because I'm not taking the kind of vacation where you spend money like that. We talked a little about how wealth is all in your mindset--Matt and I have plenty. We pay the bills every month, we have some savings, we indulge and scrimp depending on the time, and we though sometimes we fail at this, we try not to complain about our lot in life. Because, well, we've got it good.

But it also got me thinking about how little Carrie would be blown away by my paycheck today, and how I should remember to be thankful even when I'm not feeling so thankful. When my stepdad was the breadwinner for six people, he made less money per year, after having worked for decades, than I got at my first job out of college. And although I vividly remember crying hysterically when my mom couldn't buy the beautiful box set of prang art supplies, and I often loaned my parents my babysitting savings the three or four days before his next paycheck came in, I never felt like I was lacking. We always had the air conditioning on somewhere in the house (usually in the living room only), and we didn't have central heat until I was in high school, but some days I secretly hope our next house has floor vents, only so I can stand over them to warm up.

Anyway, this all brings me to the title of the post...because I don't feel like a grown up. I mean, yeah, I pay for my financial obligations and dental work and clothe and feed myself and all--but I don't feel like a grown up. I look at other people who are in their early/mid thirties and some of them I totally regard as a grown up, and some of them I don't. And I can't quite put my finger on it--I mean, mom jeans are totally a tell--but barring that, what makes one 30 year-old a grown up and the other not?

Maybe one day I'll wake up and feel like a grown up. Maybe I need a yard or a baby or a promotion or to not be in a workstation. Maybe it's something else. Maybe I'll never feel like a grown up (and in a way, how wonderful might that be?). I'll keep you posted. :)

Anyone else feel this way? Or have they had the moment that made them realize they were a grown up? And I'm not talking about too loud of music or whatever--that's just getting older, ha!

flash back to november 2006

I was in need of a couch. I was in a sad place in life. (relatively for me, I should say. clearly my level of sad doesn't even compare to many other horrible things going on in the world. but anyway...)

And my fabulous amazing friend, my dear Mary Alise, took me to Richmond. You can read about the full encounter here. It was during this trip that I bought my most favoritest-est-est shoes I own (see their cameo in my October is Awesome series?) and, even more importantly, found the couch of my dreams.

Okay, that miiiiight be a bit much. I mean, I know I sound doubtful in the post--but it was doubtful about spending the cash, not doubtful about the couch.

But now? Now, four years and four months later, that couch resides in our humble abode. Officially. We registered for it and asked for gift cards for our wedding. In July we actually went to sit on it when we visited Renee and Mike in Atlanta (and Jessica and Cody were there too!) and Matt fully gave the thumbs up.

We got swatches. We waited. And waited. And used our C&B registry coupon to lower the price of set couch when we finally ordered it in November.


And now? It's here! And it's Hazel approved, see? :)

I love love LOVE it. I was so worried I wouldn't like it in that space, but it is GORGEOUS there. I love how it's leggy. I love how you can see more of our adorably cute rug from the dining area and the kitchen. That really makes me happy.

And it is SO much better than our old couch. It's great that the fabric is darker, that it looks better in the room, that it's wider so we could even fit four people on it if we wanted, and, for me, the best part is that it means you can see our rug from the back side too! (excuse the turned up corner!)

Some time I will also have to show you our couch that we bought from Nicole and Dave--it's light blue microsuede and a sleeper and totally cute. It's in our "basement" along with two other couches that will soon be departing from our home--one is a 7+-year-old Ike@ Klipp@n loveseat that was used when I got it, and the other Michelle and I got for $85 from one of our neighbors many years ago.

They both did their job, but neither is in great shape and we have definitely gone from the hand-me-down/used/will-do-for-now look to a much better, more grown up look. Our house is starting to look like we are actual grownups. Hurrah! :)

Now I must decide--do I recover my accent chairs? Do I buy new ones? I think I need to start looking at fabrics. And I think I need to make some accent pillows!

operation: decide to eat mushrooms.

is, so far, marginally successful. as in, I have not yet decided that I won't ever eat them again.

on monday night I made myself a mushroom frittata. I only had red onions so I used those instead of white or yellow. and I also made myself some mushroom crostinis. I got to use the delicious cheese from the farmer's market (whose name I cannot currently recall) and it was pretty good.

I also tried a bite of the mushroom raw--and though the flavor and texture of a shiitake is far superior to whatever it is that comes on frozen pizzas, I've got to say I'm still not totally convinced. Let's just say I still won't be ordering anything "marsala" anytime soon. :)

BUT because I know mushrooms are very good for you, and your immune system, and because I think that they can save the world (hello, mushrooms for bioremediation--e.g. cleaning oil fields!), I am going to try again. And, to further commit myself to trying (even if it means cooking the mushrooms and breaking out ye old m@gic bullet and making them into a paste so the texture doesn't plague me so) I am going to grow my own.

I will be purchasing one of these bad boys. When we get a real house perhaps I will even incorporate some of these into my gardening. We shall see.

Any mushroom recipes y'all want to share?

"I'm gonna run right up this hill..."

"summer sky or winter chill." ~mindy gledhill

let's be clear--that running thing is a metaphor. I'm not going to actually be running. because, as you may know, I don't run unless there's a ball involved. or, I suppose, someone is chasing me. :)

anyhoo, my dear friend renee introduced me to this song. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=URR_4i5gIFU&feature=player_embedded and I love it.

so, let's do a "1.5 weeks after lent began" update.

the good: I've been very very good about avoiding the word "busy."

the bad: I haven't been so good about that whole exercising thing. I was SO GOOD for three consecutive days. but then I had a weekend with a fabulous bridal shower followed by a one year old's bday party followed by a St Patty's night out. And the next day I had three photoshoots. And the last thing I wanted to do was exercise.

and then? well, then I got lazy. I actually did exercise on St Patty's Day (don't judge!)--I think that dancing to 4 (or was it 5) wii dance song things totally counts. I broke a sweat and I was a little sore the next day. :)

And then we walked yesterday. So....that brings me to 5 times of exercising. We have, what, 34 days left. I need to exercise 25 of those 34 days. Looks like I'll be walking or visiting the gym when we're in Ohio and Florida!

on the positive side: I'm exercising tonight and I already have plans to go to the Power Yoga class at work during my lunch tomorrow. SO I will knock out two more days that way. :D

also, this weekend? me and Durham? yeah, we got hitched. You can see lots of pictures here but I've uploaded some of my faves below. Basically, this event involved local beer, food trucks and a commitment to the fabulous city in which I live--to take care of it, to say nice things about it, to elect responsible officials and hold them to their promises. Oh, and to shop locally when you can.

We TOTALLY do all of those things already. But now it's official :) You commit to do so as long as you live in Durham (and, I imagine, as long as you hold Durham in your heart, which I'm sure I always will).

Fr@nk St@sio from The St@te of Things was there, and Jennifer and I got a picture. He's the one with the Bull horns. And when the marriage ceremony called for a ring? Yep, they put a bull ring on his nose! Ha! That's some Fullste@m beer you're seeing here AND the food truck with the eyes and top hat? Yep, that's my very favorite one, Kl@usie's pizza. I would drive for an hour to eat their pizza! MMMM! Also, please note Matt's funny note on Fullste@m's bar--"If we get divorced I get the ballpark." The "more cowbell" is also his doing. He makes me giggle.

anyway--the pictures. feast.your.eyes. :D

a few other highlights from the pictures--that's Jennifer and me doing the hokey pokey, and that's our dear friend Camper at Fullste@m. Thought Jen and I were quite sad that all of the first frost persimmon beer was gone (despite being mentioned TWICE on their chalkboard) he hooked us up with some red pepper hefeweizen (which was sold out for good before 8pm) and gave us a beer on the house, even. I told him he was a fantastic salesperson. Because he is. That man featured in the picture? Bought the same beer we had. And I bet he loved it, too.

and, on a totally-unrelated-but-still exciting note, tonight once I'm home and it's dinner time I'm doing something I've never done before--cooking with mushrooms. you might know that I'm the girl who says "I'll eat pretty much anything without mushrooms or mayonnaise." But today, I'm going to enjoy some local shiitake mushrooms. I am planning on having a frittata today and we'll have pasta with mushrooms another day this week. WHOA! watch out world, Carrie is eating mushrooms. voluntarily. :)

ps: yay for the longest post I've written in a loooooong while. and with pictures! (pats self on back)

I feel like I always give up something weird for Lent.

and by weird I really mean "unconventional." and no offense to you chocolate/wine/caffeine giver-uppers out there (because really? QUITE a commitment and sacrifice, imho), but it gave me great validation last year when my pastor's sermon was about how in an ideal world, he believes that the very most worthwhile lenten offering is something that's a part of a permanent lifestyle change for you.

and as the girl who has given up worrying, over-scheduling, the word "like," and my temper, and who has chosen to decrease her carbon footprint, this was music to my ears. I mean, it's not like I ever thought "what could I do differently for 40 days that might make a significant change in my life?" Instead I just thought "what's a source of frustration, or what could I improve upon, or what would make me happier?" And it's not like I have 100% or even 50% succeeded at these things.

but I've made a start. and that is all that matters to me.

so this year? this year is a double whammy because I think one will be kind of easy, but it's also really important to me.

I realize that there is a word that I hear EVERY day. Often, many times a day. And it makes me crazy. People use it to describe everything. How they are, what they've been up to, how their weekend was. That word, friends, is "busy." And I'm going to try not to use it anymore, or very seldom, anyway.

It's a word with negative connotations and it's keeping us from actually really conversing, and I just hate that. We just say "things have been busy" and move on. So, yeah. And with that, of course, comes changing things in my life so "busy" isn't such an appropriate description--but that's not an official part of it, just a tertiary goal.

The other thing is about exercise. Sometimes I am very good about this. Sometimes I am not. Which is fine. I'm a healthy weight, all of my stats are good (they recently checked) and all that jazz. And I generally eat very well and I've gotten much better about taking my vitamins.

Wen I have something like softball going on, I'm definitely good about exercising. The rest of the time it's harder. I mean, earlier this month I exercised five days in a row, skipped a day and then exercised two more. And then stopped.

So, my other is exercising. My goal is to exercise 30 times over lent. It might be spending time on the elliptical, it might be yoga, it might be walking the 1.5 mile path in our neighborhood one evening. Any of these count. But yes. 30 times before Easter, at a minimum. That's going to be a little challenging since I'm out of town for at least ten days between now and then--but hotels have gyms or have lighted places to walk. So. We'll see. I think I can, I think I can....


happy mardi gras everyone!

it seems all of the pictures I've taken recently have either been of food or my cats.

no seriously.

look: monday's dinner. it was AMAZING. I will share the recipe. mmmmm salmon.

wednesday's lunch.

sunday's brunch.

and hazel. in a basket.

I had this whole other post in my head, but as I'm heading to like four hours of meetings in five minutes (okay, two and a half hours of meetings) I'm'akeepingitshort.

I am not a fan of Valentine's Day, BUT...

1. I love it that Matt and my plans tonight include wearing pajamas, catching up on smallville and going to bed early. He owes me a dinner out, but I'm liking the low-key plan.

2. I like getting valentines. Especially from my in-laws. :D Did you know they make "dear son and daughter-in-law cards?" They SO do.

3. It helps a LOT that it's on a monday.

4. And I've been LOVING those commercials that are about how Valentines this year is not about "I love you" it's about "I love US" cuteness indeed.

Happy Valentine's everyone :)

[insert corny joke here]

aka "The Awesome Corn Soup I Made Last Night."

There is this amazing fancy mexican restaurant in Durham that I LOVE. It is expensive. It is delicious. They make GOOD margaritas. They are sooooo not Tex-Mex, but they have yummy, yummy food. And this delicious creamy corn soup that I've been craving for days.

So, after talking myself out of going there for lunch repeatedly, I decided it was time to see if I could make it. I'm pretty sure theirs is better--but I'm pretty sure theirs also contains cream, and mine is healthier than that.

I started out with this recipe. It wasn't quite right, though, so I made it my own...for me the KEY was adding more flour and pureeing the corn--it thickened the soup and helped it have a yellow color.

Ingredients

• 1/2 onion, chopped
• 1 clove garlic, minced
• 1 tbsp dried parsley
• 1 tablespoon butter
• 5 tablespoons all-purpose flour
• 2 1/2 cups milk (I used a mix of skim and 2%)
  
• 1 cup chicken broth
  
• 3 (15ish ounce) cans whole kernel corn, rinsed and drained
  
• 3 tablespoons cream cheese
• 1 teaspoon garlic salt
• 1 teaspoon ground black pepper
• ground cayenne pepper, adobo seasoning, cumin and garlic powder to taste

Directions

1. In a large pot over medium heat, combine the onion, garlic, parsley and butter or margarine. Saute for about 5 minutes, or until onions are tender.
2. Add the flour, stirring well, to make a pasty mixture. Whisk in the milk and the broth.
   
3. In small batches, puree 2 of the three cans of corn, adding liquid from the pot to help it blend smoothly. Add pureed corn, remaining canned corn and the cream cheese to the pot and allow to heat through. Add the garlic salt, black pepper, adobo seasoning, cumin and cayenne pepper to taste. Stir together and serve.

I forgot to take a picture of it cooking, but I'll take one when I heat it up for lunch! mmm mmm MMM!

bHaObUiSeEs and BhAoBuIsEeSs

babies and houses and houses and babies and babies and houses....

repeat ^ infinity.

I feel like eventually, at some point, everything I ever talk about eventually boils down to a discussion about a baby. or a house. or a baby in a house. or a house 'cause we're having a baby. you get what I mean.

except WAIT--I AM NOT PREGNANT AND WE ARE NOT TRYING. (yet)

That sentence about should have read "a house 'cause we're eventually having a baby." (fingers crossed)

But oh my goodness--talking about going to Italy? Babies. Seeing our friend's house? Babies in houses. Heck, even a really rude comment someone made about a breastfeeding mother (OMG don't even get me started!) eventually turned into a conversation about--you guessed it--babies. (And in my head I was thinking "where will I go to breastfeed when I'm cube-bound?") But I digress.

I have like eleven thousand pregnant friends. Okay, like more like at least three. But still. And then I have many friends who either a) had babies recently (and their little babies are SO cuddly!) or b) are with me in the "waiting to try to have babies but thinking about it anyway" boat.

I mean, we talk about baby names and baby clothes and cloth diapering and whether or not baby food tastes like real food and will we make our own? And how will we raise them? And is spanking okay? And will we be crazy parents? And oh my goodness gracious. Whoa.

okay, I think that's it for now. until the next time I need to tell you about a baby. or a house. I'm crossing my fingers that I'm not talking about either until June 1st at the earliest--because that's when we get back from Italy!

"I do not think that means what you think it means..."

~my favorite movie EVER

Today we had a meeting with a project lead. He kept saying "the paradigm we're in" and "the paradigm in choosing between this and that" and similar phrases. He meant predicament. But that is so not what he said.

Highfalutin words are useful. Sometimes they're very specific, sometimes they make you sound smarter. Or, like, erudite. :) I mean, anthropogenic, defenestrate, picayune, punctilious, epitome, perfunctory...all good, specific words. (and for you Latin nerds, remember mutuni@tus? riiight) Paradigm is too. When used correctly.

Me? I really enjoy using the whopper-words. But I enjoy using them correctly. And you can bet your sweet bippy that I'd never use a word in front of important people (e.g., people from work) if I wasn't absolutely certain of its meaning.

I know it's a *me* thing, at least to some extent. But seriously, folks, we can do better. Let's, shall we?

And, since it's been a while since I posted pictures: some Gobi cuteness (I see this almost every morning!) and some pictures from our trip to the DP@C to see Li0n King! And our trip to Tyler's after. I love the DP@C's end-of-bathroom-line sign. And the fried pickles and special beer at Tyler's were sooooooooo yummy!

And special thanks to my iph0ne4 for taking such awesome pictures. HUGE improvement over my old one!!

you're, a mean one, mister [february]...

oh, february.

I was fully prepared to not even acknowledge your arrival this month. I mean, things were going just fine! Last night I found a pair of jeans that I forgot to return in all the wedding crazy (they were in with the socks and blue ties that we couldn't find when we wanted to return them. I think some people are going to get some awesome green socks and blue ties in the future!)

when I bought them they were too small--so I was going to return them. But, I tried them on last night and since I've gotten a little smaller, they fit! Hoooooooray! See, end of January/beginning of February off to a wonderful start!

um, yeah.

and then today--this morning Matt overslept. And he must not've been feeling awesome, because he took a looooooooong shower. It's what he does when he's sad, sick, tired, hungover, you name it--he sits in the shower. Well...although I waited ten whole minutes to get in, my shower was lukewarm. And by the end of it I had goosebumps.

Oh and it meant that I didn't end up using the sinus rinse I prepared because I was afraid it wouldn't be warm enough. And then I forgot to pop it in the microwave and warm it up. Which isn't a huge deal, but it means that my sinuses are going to be unhappy later today.

Also, my friends and family in Oklahoma are experiencing a kind of snow that comes with words I've never heard of---like thundersnow. TWELVE inches of snow are predicted (PS--remember 12 inches of sn0w?) Man, I seriously loved that song. I'd make my dad play it over and over and over--especially before softball games. {shudder}

Let's see--what else...oh, I had to figure out a hodgepodge lunch (edammame, honey nut cheerios, carrots and granola) and I spilled milk three times this morning.

And February marks the beginning of our new budget. Also not fun. Necessary, but not fun. Oh and I get to spend tonight cleaning because we have a visitor coming on Thursday.

Yep. Wooooohoo February. Bah, humbug.

mozzarellllllaaaaa! geeellaaaato! brrrreadsticks!--derek, they don't serve breadsticks in italy!

~courtney and derek

In May Matt and I are going on the vacation of our lives. We'll be in Italy for nine full days. We are for-sure going to Rome and Cinque Terre. We are figuring out the rest (though Florence and Venice are our current top contenders). We have just under four months to do so. :D

This is a huge deal for me because a) I have wanted to visit Rome ever since my freshman year in Latin class (which was 15ish years ago) and b)I have been as far out of the country as exotic Vancouver Canada. Don't get me wrong, Vancouver was pretty cool. We went to Butch@rt Gardens, visited a house of miniatures, and the McD0nalds had pizza. Cool, right?

After college I was going to (begrudgingly) take a trip to France. That whole freed0m fries, the French-don't-like-us thing was going on then, and we decided to change our plans. So, no international travel for me then, either.

And then, while we were engaged, Matt suggested that we take a trip to Italy, and that it be our "thing we do before we have babies." I told you about it a while ago. and we're leaving just shy of a year after I wrote that post!!

So on Saturday, after weeks and weeks of trying to pin down the details (seriously, the four of us have been talking about this since, like, August, and we've been doing the nitty gritty part of it since early December)--we FINALLY BOOKED OUR TICKETS! Ironically, when we've met up to discuss Italy we've eaten sushi, mexican and now, when celebrating our ticket purchase, we had americana. Ha!

Anyway, I am SO EXCITED to go! And despite our hilarity on Saturday night (e.g., when Derek said he was going to learn to "Talk Italian" and Courtney and I told him that he needed to learn how to "Speak English" first), which included saying the names of Italian foods while gesturing ridiculously, it's kind of still not "real" to me yet. I'm pretty sure it will be when my credit card bill comes :)

But enough about Saturday...

So, what suggestions do y'all have for places we should visit? Rome and Cinque Terre are non-negotiables, but the rest are subject to change! Just don't be offended if we don't go where you suggest--we want to do more than just see Italy--we want to experience it--and that, to us, means going fewer places and "hanging out" longer!! Also, any travel tips? Or places you'd suggested within Rome or Cinque Terre? Any and all suggestions are welcome and appreciated!!

"drea-ea-ea-ea-eam, dream, dream, dream"

~everly brothers

Last night I had a dream. Matt and I very quickly bought a house. We hired movers. And we moved in.

This house had a kitchen that was all wood. I'm not sure about the actual walls or the floor or the ceiling, but the cabinets, the countertops, the backsplash were all wood. And on top of the cabinets were four big black metal boxes. One was above the sink. It had a silver hood like a commercial oven, and said "Bi0therm" on the side. If you got on a step stool you could see that at the until had water trickling out. The purpose of the other three units wasn't entirely clear, but they were all attached to the one over the sink. And in my dream I knew that it was some kind of a device that took all of the outputs from people (sweat, pee, skin, exhalations, etc) out of the air & house and processed them.

There's something fuzzy I remember about proximity to my job (which was not the job I have) and something about rearranging my office or desk, and a few other vague recollections. The other I remember is telling Matt that the kitchen needed windows or a mirror. And seeing that there was one of those retractable mirrors like you'd find in a bathroom (with the crisscross metal that expands and contracts) made entirely of wood. Except it didn't have a mirror, it was just the frame.

And then I woke up.

Annnnnnnd I looked it up on ye olde trusty dreamm00ds.com, and lo and behold, my dream was about precisely the thing that I told Jennifer about yesterday--that I feel emotionally drained, and in need of recharging. I know some people truly don't believe in interpreting dreams, and I get that. But when I remember them, I never cease to be amazed by how my dreams reflect my waking life, and/or how they provide me more insight on my reality.

"It made me feel like a good little C@tholic."

~me

I was being slightly sarcastic because, um, I'm not C@tholic, I'm a Meth0dist. But at the same time, it gave me insight that I'd never really had. Matt's family is (mostly) C@tholic, so I've gone to mass with them before, but there ends my forays into that particular church's practices.

However, this past weekend I prayed a rosary. And accidentally took communion at a C@tholic church. But I'll get to that...

Matt's fantastic grandmom, Martha, passed away last week. She was 83. We got to see her on New Year's day, though, and that hour with her was worth every second of the 7 hour round-trip drive to and from Mary Alise and Michael's house, and worth every penny of the ~$44 we paid in tolls. We broke out the ip@d and showed her pictures of her newest great grandchild, little Alexis R0se, born the day before, on New Year's Eve. And we got to spend time with Matt's aunts, too.

When we spoke to her, all I wanted to do was hold Grandmom's hand. So I did. When we told her that "we were in the area" so we came to see her, she quipped that she didn't think three-and-a-half hours away was exactly "in the area." Her mind was absolutely sharp as a tack. But she was tired. And in pain. She planned out her entire funeral mass, down to the last detail. Monday evening there was a viewing, during which we prayed a ros@ry. Earlier that day I was given one of Grandmom's ros@ries. She had, oh, probably at least a thousand of them stashed around--okay, maybe not a thousand, but definitely hundreds. Some made of plastic beads she had made for her prison ministry, some of glass beads and some of wood. They found a lovely blue ros@ry that also had information about the origins of the ros@ry and was kept in a plastic & lace case. It's what I held onto as I listed to everyone pray.

For the funeral mass, five priests/fathers/monsignors lead the service. There were at least ten others--I think they called them Eucharistic Ministers--were in attendance as well. The homily was wonderful. I thought it was pretty great that Grandmom instructed the priest to tell jokes. He said he couldn't bring himself to tell actual jokes, but that he would make us smile. He did.

I have never met anyone (including my own Granny, or any pastor or priest, or any friend or worship leader) with more conviction than Grandmom. She was SO dedicated and SO giving--I think I could write for days about all of the things she did. She flew to Fatima like 27 times. She started a prison ministry. She learned how to play the guitar so she could go to seminary--they required that you know two instruments, and she only knew one. I might be slightly off on some of this, but the take-away is that she gave and gave and gave. She was very matter-of-fact and decidedly a product of another time in our history, and her faith was not a mustard seed--it was the fully blossomed mustard-seed plant, the biggest bush in the garden.

I will never forget the first time I met her, and she made us dinner, and we folded napkins to put into the programs for a service. I will always remember how the word "Fatima" sounded when she said it. And, although it's sad that she's no longer with us here on earth, it makes me smile to think that she finally got to meet her Maker face-to-face. I am also so grateful that I got to spend time with her, that Matt made a point of introducing me to her as his girlfriend rather than his fiancee (and proposed the next day!), that we got to see her at Thanksgiving, and that we drove up to see her on New Year's Day. I am thankful I got to know her, and thankful to know she is at peace.

Oh and, because I thought Grandmom would like it, when the time came for Communion I went up to the front, crossed my arms in front of me and waited for the Priest to do something signifying I had been blessed so I could move on. And suddenly a wafer was being placed into my mouth. I knew I couldn't spit it out, and I knew that turning away in that split second wasn't going to be cool either (not that it would've worked, anyway) so I ate it. And I felt really, really bad because I'd been trying to do something that Grandmom would've appreciated, and instead I inadvertently did something disrespectful! Fortunately, George (Dad Fry) told me I did all of the correct things and it wasn't my fault. Whew!

And when telling Matt's Meth0dist uncle the story (we were talking about that as all of the C@tholic stuff was happening) he laughed, told me he was pretty sure G0d didn't mind, and that's when I told him I felt like a good little C@tholic, taking Communion and praying a ros@ry. It made us both smile. :)

"I would really appreciate it if you would reschedule your trip to Italy."

~my Granny

In May, Matt and I are going to Italy. We have a three week window when we're going, and we have been planning this for months. We're about a week away from booking.

Today, my Granny called to tell about the mythical family reunion. I call it mythical because we've been trying to plan it for two or three years now--no, three. this is the third Memorial Day we've talked about having it. And allegedly it is happening this year. And my dream trip, the one I've wanted to go on since high school, happens to be at the same time, so my Granny wants me to reschedule.

This? This was okay. I mean, it's not unreasonable to ask.

But...then she followed up with how she hadn't heard from my cousins yet. She'd called all three of them and asked if they were available then. So I said "well, what if they can't come? What are you going to do." And she said she would cross that bridge when she came to it, but that really, the only reason she was planning this was for them, and that it really isn't worth having the reunion if the three girls and Aunt Jackie (who is the wife of one of my grandfather's brothers) can't come.

Which, I'm not gonna lie, made me feel suuuuuuuper unimportant. For the record--there is no need, none at all, for anything to be scheduled around me. But I'm supposed to rearrange my life knowing full well that I am not even a blip on the importance radar? BOO, I say. boo.

oh, family. love 'em. le sigh.

note to self: be very conscious of how you treat your relatives when you're old and gray. you don't want your granddaughter thinking this of you.

i don't really have anything clever to say.

but I am blogging anyway.

after my many-many-many-month-long period of having been under-rested and over-worked, and after hearing that all I did was talk about being busy, or wondering where my environmental discussions went, I kind of went on an unintentional blogging hiatus. You can see it in my stats. I only even got to 100 blog posts last year because I did my "october is awesome" series. Compare that to the previous year, where I had 206.

clearly, I did not have the time or, really, the desire to post much. especially when it felt like someone might say something less-than-positive in response to any given post. and it was never my "regular" readers--it was joe schmoe who follows it. and don't get me wrong, I LOVE my joe schmoes! but occasionally even a well-intended comment hurt my feelings.

and let's all get real here--no one likes having their feelings hurt.

plus, I was stresssssssed out. I would would work 10 hour days and come home to edit for hours on end. I totally did it to myself. I did. and that? it's changing. :)

I always try and make resolutions. They don't often stick. So I'm making mine nice and vague. :) You ready?

Sometime between now, and, let's say then end of 2012, I'd like to...

1. Go to Italy.
2. I'm not sure how to word this one. I'll just keep it to myself for now. You can ask if you want. You might even already know. In any case, I'll share eventually.
3. Read more. See how that's nice and non-committal?
4. Charge more for photography (already done).
5. Time my photography more intentionally. That is, have entire weekends where I have ZERO photography. Ideally, at least one or two per month. Also, stick to my guns about only having a maximum of two weddings in any thirty day period. I want quality. Not quantity.
6. Spend more time doing crafty things. Crafty things that are not on a deadline. Like knitting scarves or crocheting blankets, or making that paper flower wreath I've had in my head for a while now. Paint! Decorate! Etc.
7. Do things with greater intention. I tend to be haphazard. I need to fix this.
8. Tell more stupid jokes. (you are welcome in advance, friends!)
9. Apologize less.
10. Cook more.
11. Get more sleep.

and if I had a 12th, I would say "blog more. about whatever the hell I want."
and also maybe let things be more like water off a duck's back. :)

All do-able. All things that would improve my quality of life. Let's see how they go. :)