swollen.

and tired and hyped up on hydrocodone/apap. Complete with gauze taped on my nose. But I'm okay and I'm home now. And I am so glad. I feel crummy, but I'm healing now, and that's all that matters. Time to veg out.

eating.

a lot.
since I don't get to eat again until tomorrow after my surgery. And I'm quite positive I'm going to be hungry in the morning, and I'm going to hate it that I can't eat.

Mmm mmm mmm I love sinuses.

Tonight I saw Shaun of the Dead. Again. Damn funny, if you ask me. And I had wine, and told my friend Collin "here's to surgery!" I'm stoked though 'cause I'm going to have a Woody Allen and Angel-fest while recovering.

And my review went swimmingly, which is cool. Good reviews are far superior to crappy ones (duh, Carrie.)

I'm very very nervous about tomorrow. Very. But it will be fine I'm sure. I'm just nervous. Totally understandable. Who wants a roto-rooter in their nose anyhow?

I don't think I'll be blogging again until Sunday or Monday. We'll see. So call tomorrow afternoon or evening if you're worried. Or not. I may be too doped up to coherently use a phone. We'll see.

I'm going to attempt to get some sleep. Because in ten hours they're going to cut and suction the innards of my nose. And relocate some cartilage. And I'm super excited about being knocked out...

Rest safely knowing that tomorrow is Friday, and your weekend will be superior to mine (and I get narcotics!)

stressed, much? or don't cry over burnt soup...

I burned soup today. I made Renee's mom's hearty chicken soup, and I got talking on the phone and it burned. Stupid corn. So I'm going to make it again tonight. I am all excited about eating it while I'm recovering. Plus I think I may have told Otto and Jeff it's yummy and comforting, and I think they're excited about it too.

However, I learned a valuable lesson during the cooking process. I don't like my meat to look like an animal. I didn't like cutting the skin off and all when it meant I was manipulating the poor little chicken's legs, wings, etc. Ew. But I did it.

and after all of the cutting and chopping and waiting and skin removal I burnt it. Damn.

Today is my annual review. I'm sure it will be fine, but I'm a little nervous. My review last year was done by a different boss, but it lasted two and a half hours, was super awkward, and was followed up by the other guy in our group coming to give me pointers for one and a half hours, which made me cry. It was awful. I can't fathom that this one will be anywhere as bad, but still.

I'm also very tired. I can't sleep right. I woke up at 3am sweating profusely. I actually had to change out of my pajamas because they were so wet. Yuck. I'm still having bad dreams, but luckily they aren't sticking with me.

I also got my NCState id today, and for the first time in my whole life I thoughts "wow, that picture makes me look fat." I said it aloud. It was so weird to mean that. So I think maybe I should start exercising after I get done with recovering. Not so I can lose weight, mind you, but so I can feel like I'm more in shape, and then I won't worry so much about things like a camera adding 15 pounds. It was just a weird thing to think.

Time to get ready for work. Gotta scurry so I can get there before 8am.

my cat stole my X

no, seriously. i'm telling the truth officer.

gobi did. right off the damn keyboard. presumably with his claws. and I can't find it anywhere.

so I'm going to bed.

Oh, and good news. I have signed papers in my hot little hands. And a check and a tax return. Thank goodness.

and my car is super fun. even teddy agrees.

and audrey said I'm not nuts for thinking what I'm thinking. whew. makes me feel better.

also, it looks like my surgery might not be as bad as I was thinking it would be. whew.

goodnight.

What's in a Name?

A rose by any other name will smell as sweet...

Yeah, that.

I want to name my car. I have a variety of options. I just need to pick one and get it over with. So far I like

Blithe, Betty, Lilith, Gretchen, Margot, Tallulah, Violet (or Viola), Lida (which means sparkle), Alice or Trixie. Clearly it's a girl car. I could go for a male name, but it somehow doesn't seem right.

anyway.

Know what I love? When people are overly-accommodating. I love that. Like when they say "you know what, you tell me what you need me to do, and I'll make it happen." That's awe-some.

Also, recent situations beg the question--What?!? You give me hell for never calling and then can't manage to email or call yourself? Silly, silly. I'm sure you'll call me tonight while I sit and wait as STBEH picks up the dining room table, chairs, hutch and buffet. That's right folks--I'm giving them back. It was worth it for him to get the hell out of my life. Wowzers.

Today will be a mostly boss-less day at work, other than this morning. So I've got to scee-daddle in order to get there at a reasonable time and talk to my pseudo-boss before he leaves. Wah-freaking-hoo.

but at least I get to drive my car there :)

every other day--every other day--every other day of the week is fine, yeah.

but whenever monday comes....

yuck.
double yuck.
I still want to be asleep yuck.

does anyone have any suggestions about how to have fewer weird dreams? I don't want crappy answers like "do less drugs" or "do more drugs" or "don't eat icecream and pickles before going to bed." I'm just not certain if there's something I can do about it.

Fortunately I don't recall this one in vivid detail. I just know it freaked me out a little.

today, incase you care, is the first monday that I'll drive my car to work. mmm mmm mmm I love mondays.

one more thing. have you all heard of pinback? They're kind of fun. www.pinback.com

anywho. valete.

most excellent.

That's what this weekend was. Most excellent.

On Friday I got a belated Valentine's present in the mail. I sure do love peanut m&ms. And how generous you are. hopefully some day I can return the favor. I will be using the blockbuster card during my recovery. I have quite a few movies I'm determined to watch.

Then I drove to Richmond. I followed Otto there. I had an AWESOME time. His friends are super cool. His best friend, Dan (or Daniel or DA) and Dan's girlfriend, Cory, and this other guy, Jeff, were super fun. And on Saturday morning Cory grabbed breakfast-to-go for me (grapes, lemon pound cake and OJ) because we had to scoot out of there. Dan was going to buy a 1982 Toyota Landcruiser. All five of us rode the hour and a half in the jeep (cherokee) and then Dan asked Otto to be his first passenger. I had fun with Jeff and Cory. We talked about people and politics and abortion and stem cell research and wastewater and grad school and the terrors of being a teacher. We drove back to Richmond and met up with a bunch of people--and began drinking at 1230.

After lunch we went back to the house. I had my third beer and then took a nap from 400-530. Then more drinking. I donned pjs (we all did), earned my "z's" (a fake currency that could be used to purchase a kiss (on the cheek, if you like), a secret, a shot or ten minutes in the "pillow talk" tent.) I earned a lot more when Otto and I schooled people in beer pong. Wahoo!

A lot of the people there had known each other for ever, rowed in high school and/or college, and were all from Matthews. It was fun to meet so many people. I also met Otto's brothers. They're pretty cool too.

We drank and danced and laughed and played beer pong and flip cup and twister. It was awe-some. I had so much fun. And then I just had to go upstairs and crawl into bed. No changing clothes. Though I did manage to remove my flip flops.

Today was a little more awkward because they were all going to a funeral. The father of one of their friends passed away this week. He had lymphoma (sp?) and the son is 30, and it wasn't super sudden, but it's still so sad. Apparently there was standing room only unless you got there 45 minutes early. But this morning while they were all in black I was wearing pink. I had to come home to pick Terry Goss up at the airport. We went to Moe's for dinner. It was nice to see him. He's been in Europe for two weeks with work, and he was very tired. But not too tired for Mexican food. Yum.

And I'd like to re-introduce you to my bane of my existence:irony. You know how people sometimes are said to have a devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other? Well, I think I have that, but then another little bugger that adds irony into everything for me.

This week I figured out that my finances are going to be okay in about a month. In the meantime things are tight, but they'll work out just fine. So I decided that I could go through with the great idea my Aunt Candi gave me when I got the honda--a girl with a new car should have a new outfit.

So, since my money worries are lessened, and since I have a super-awesome-and-fantabulous new car (which still needs a name. any ideas? alls I gots right now is Blithe.) I figured I needed a new outfit. I found some cute sleep shorts and panties, and I bought a new pink purse. But no outfit. I just wanted jeans and a top. But nada. Zip. Zilch. Should have gone to H&M on the way back. Maybe in a few weekends. After I recover from this yucky surgery. But I have (un)reasonable justification for purchasing a new outfit, so dammit I should get one.

And a last thought. I continue to be baffled by the male half of the species. There's such a difference among them. The same can be said of females, I know. But it's baffling. And if I've only learned one thing from my recent debacles--it matters A LOT how a guy treats him mother. A lot. It's an excellent gauge.

Oh, and please add on:
Movies to watch during yucky healing process:
Kill Bill 1&2
Manhattan
Annie Hall
Point Break (?)
Big Fish (because I love it)
what else?

also, if it's sunny tomorrow I'll take pics of my new car. she's a beaut. :)
nighty night night

wowzers.

What a fantabulous day!

I found out that I'm not going to have to pay a DIME to get my nose fixed. Not a dime.

I signed my finalized separation papers today. We've been working on them since late December. Now all he has to do it sign them and we're good to go.

And (drumroll please)....

I bought a car. It comes in tonight. I'll take pictures. I'm sooooo excited. It took a damn lot of time, proportional to the amount of time I've been looking. But it's worth it. And I get to open 'er up when I go to Richmond this weekend. I wonder what I should name it. Hmm.

the defenestration of sensibility

oh, and a sinus update.

So, I'm getting the mazda3. Not quite yet, but I'm gonna.

It's not sensible. It's not the logical or practical choice. But dammit I'm getting it anyway! Who cares if it's only worth 50% or 38% of its value down the road? Or if it's not going to last for 12 years? I don't. I don't plan on having it for 12 years. Or even 10. And if I make it to five years with the car then Audrey owes me ice cream. (if I don't then I owe her)

I went to my ENT yesterday. He showed me on my CT scan how my sinus passages are too small, and how they almost look closed off. And how my deviated septum is essentially "elbowing" the opening so that it's even smaller. So they're going to roto-rooter my nose and fix my deviated septum. And they're opening up the passages in my forehead as well. Oh, and they're doing this next Friday (the 25th). yuck. But I think I'm going to feel much better in not too long from now, hopefully. And I don't have any polyps or anything, so that's good.

Oh, and PS, isn't defenestrate an awesome word? I love it....

jinx?

okay, so I've already tried to figure out the ways in which things could get worse. Which should have jinxed me. But it hasn't. (knock on wood)

Maybe things are looking up (knock on wood again).

I'm looking at the Mazda3 now. Anybody gots an opinion?
http://www.mazdausa.com/MusaWeb/displayPage.action?pageParameter=modelsGallery&modelYear=2005&vehicleCode=MZ3

Also, any suggestions on good books to read? If not I'm reading Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil.

have a nice Tuesday. Valentine's Day is over for another year--whew!

a veritable yo-yo

Maybe things are looking up.

I had a TON of work to do yesterday, was really hard since I was distracted by the fact that the car I want does not exist in the Southeast. Turns out I am too picky. Who, me? Yeah, okay. But I want want I want. I'm going to go drive a Mazda and Nissan today, methinks.

I discovered that my nose is still bleeding and my lymph nodes in my throat are rock hard and sore. I can't wait til Tuesday.

My car is getting squeakier. And squeakier. I'm a bit concerned.

I had ANOTHER conversation with Justin. He's now going through the hurt-pride part of the process. He's being an ass. But I think we've reached yet another agreement--the kind where he gets what he wants and I acquiesce because I just want it over with. Why, oh, why?

I went and picked up some of my stuff that was still at Collin's, started unpacking and throwing things away, and drank some wine. I made rice to go with the leftover stirfry from the night before. The rice is done, and I go to heat up the stir fry and LO and BEHOLD, Jeff has already eaten it. Vulture. I had to laugh then. Man, what's next?

So I think that may have been the turning point. I felt like I was on a damn sitcom.

My taste buds were all geared up for the stirfry, so I was having trouble deciding what to eat. In comes Teddy (no one knocks here) and says he's going to Moe's, do I want anything? Mmm burrito. Yay!

Then we got beer. Mmm beer.

Then Otto called and he volunteered to drive me around on my car search and take me to swing today (it's a total stress reliever for me, thanks to Patty Hill) after I pick him up at the airport.

I found out I'm getting a new keyboard on my laptop next week, so my spacebar problems should disappear soon.

Gobi is helping me type. He sits behind my lap top and wraps his tail around the screen. Maybe I'll post a picture.

My room is getting cleaner.

I got to take a bubble bath and read more of Slaughterhouse Five last night (which, incidentally, I'm not enjoying as much as I enjoyed Player Piano or Cat's Cradle. Is Hocus Pocus any good? It's an interesting book, but I'm not much into history, and WWII just reminds me of Kertzman. Shudder. Who, by the way TOTALLY looked me up and down when I saw him at QT a year and some change ago. Shudder again. He's skeezy and no longer a teacher. so it goes)

and I got to sleep on clean sheets.

At this rate, this weekend will be great--low key and relaxing :)

later, gators.

recipe

for a shitty day

In a big f*cking bowl combine:

-3 phone calls from walk-all-over-ya bank concerning a mistake THEY made. (total of 8 calls in 24 hours)
-40 small prickly devices attacking the inside of your forearms (aka an allergy test--I'm allergic to dust, mold, hickory trees and sycamore trees)---hold still for 20 minutes and then rub irritated bumps to measure height. Allow bumps to be itchy and remain for six hours
-1 phone call from a boy you hurt because he fell for you too hard too fast--fiercely stir bowl for duration of call--48 minutes
-3 phone calls to your stupid lawyer about the separation agreement he still can't seem to get right
-2 emails to soon-to-be-ex-husband who is being unreasonable
-4 hours of work on the state of Arizona alone
-1 angry regional guy--who kind of blames you
-1 annual exam (TMI, I know...but it's an integral part of the recipe)
-3 trips to dry cleaners hoping to find one that's less expensive--return to usual cleaner and pay $2.50 a pop
-2.5 hours in car dealership sitting. Let them tell you that the car you want won't be in for three weeks. Let them try to sell you cars with features you don't want in the interest of time. Let them try to sneak past you paperwork locking in the price of the car.
-3 beers
-stir fry
-another 45 minute mean and rude but honest at least convo with too-hard-too-fast guy

let simmer until waaay too hot. Throw in some squeaky strut noises from 90 Honda Accord to agitate. Let sleep so as to not go insane.

Lastly, add a one hour conversation with S.T.B.E.H. (soon-to-be-ex-husband) about laws and what's going on and the symptoms of depression he's manifesting. He wants visitation rights to Gobi and his housemate is slutty. Anyway.


Ooh, on a positive note, I had a few nice things happen. I got all the things finished at work that I wanted to, and I had a nice phone conversation with Otto and Jeff and I had a good talk while watching the end of the NCState game (even though we lost).

A few more factoids:
-yes, I AM picky. damn car salesman. But I know what I want and I'm trying like hell to be patient.
-my heart is not all over the place. it's right here in my chest. It was a grand total of six days. get over it. okay? okay.
-I am not allergic to Gobi or Jack (Jeff's dog). Yay!
-I am still driving my honda. I don't know what I'm doing about that.
-I am very very glad it's Friday. Very glad.
-I want to go to sleep but instead I'm going to get ready for work. ta ta.


I think I'm going to drink a lot this weekend. That's totally the solution to all my problems.

and my damn space bar isn't working right.

aha!

http://www.toyota.com/vehicles/2005/corolla/interior.html

that's the wood paneling--comments anyone?

wood paneling

Bah.

Know that part in Garden State when he says that his life has been decided by a quarter inch piece of plastic? My car purchase is being decided by wood paneling...

I love the corolla. Love it. But the one I want has wood paneling. And it's u-g-l-y-you-ain't-got-no-alibi.

yeesh.

why oh why does my car purchase have to be decided by wood paneling? isn't this 2005? wasn't that a thing of the 80s?

yeesh!

Okay, so 1. I'm a terrible sister. Happy Birthday to my dearest brother. Oh, and your present is kick-ass and I'm mailing it today.

2. My car is dying a slow, terrible and damn scary to drive death. The head-gasket is blown (or about to be blown, I wasn't clear on that part) and there's $400 worth of exhaust work to do. So I'm buying a new car. Brand spanking new, methinks. But it's going to put a huge hole in my wallet (read: negative income).

3. I don't wanna go to work. I don't wanna. But I'm gonna.

anyway. Sorry adam...

crazy

I am slowly going crazy, one-two-three-four-five-six-switch.
Crazy going slowly am I, six-five-four-three--------

about the steroids, that is.

I took six on Monday, five on Tuesday, four on Wednesday and I'm taking three today.

There has been no crazy muscle mass gain, no hairy knuckles, none of that stuff.

And I'll only be taking it for six days. So no worries about my getting super buff or anything, k?

I stand (or more correctly, currently sit) corrected.
I wish I could spell-check my blog--oh wait, I can!

Also, we were a little clever at 14. Just a little. After all, we figured out how to make my mom cut open the wall on the stairway, how to get out of class in a legit fashion (i.e., plays) and how to spell separate. That's a start, right?

Ooh, my super fun steroids gave me a weird dream last night. And ever since I started taking them I've had tons of energy for about two hours after taking them and I've been waking up sweating. A cold sweat. Yuck. Normally I re-wear pajamas, but these bad boys are going straight to the dirty clothes.

The dream was (fuzzily) this:
I was at some restaurant/mall/something that I recalled being one of my favorites and super cool. I went to the restroom, which was up five or six stairs, and through a door. It was cool because there were all sorts of shops inside that only women could access--there was the same thing as well for men. Turns out that there are lots of more feminine or manly stores, and they'd occupy the spaces sharing a back side of the store, and then the ones like, Express and Express Men would do the same thing. There was a whole other wing of the mall with shared gender stores. Anywho.

So I go pee and I decide I want to get some gelato or sherbet or whatever the hell this stuff was. There's a taller girl with strawberry blonde hair to my right, and she's in line in front of me. I scoot over to look at the flavors and my pink Vera Bradley shoulder bag I'm carrying hits her. She makes some comment about how I didn't need to be carrying two bags, and if I hadn't been I wouldn't have hit her. I got all watery eyed and told her that I was sorry, that I had a bag of my purse stuff and that the pink bag was for my things for the funeral of my grandfather.

Weird, huh?

Yeah, 'cause I don't have a grandfather....

...

I have a granddaddy or a granddad. I wouldn't call him my grandfather. And Alvis, who is arguably a grandfather-esque person in my life, is 1) already dead and 2) not someone that I'd go to their funeral.

It was weird.

Anyway.

I'm ex-haus-te-ed. Two lectures were too much. I'm 4 hours behind now, I do believe. But if I'm a good girl tonight I'll make some definite headway. And I may even get off to an early start because my CT Scan is at 330, and should only take half an hour, and I have zero intention of going back to work unless we're crazy swamped. And it's likely that we will be, and it's likely that I won't do anything about it.

Okay, time to get to doing my stuff for the day. Wahoo!

you've got it, you've got it

nothing but flowers. mmm, mmm, good. and rather amusing.

So much for a non-drinking weekend. sheesh. At least I really did go home and take a nap like I was supposed to before partying and partying and dancing and wow. But I had a damn fun time.

And then what did I do on Saturday? CLEANED! And then played ice storm quarters, asshole and down by the river.

And now I've been alcohol free since Saturday night. The times have been few and far between when I've felt like making a conscious effort to not drink. Tomorrow night I could have a beer or two or some wine. But I don't wanna get drunk. Yuck.

So I am so excited about the super secret project. It's AWESOME.

I am not excited about the steroids I'm taking for my damn sinused. The ENT Doc gave 'em to me since the antibiotics have done--as Sterling would put it--Jack and Shit and Jack left town.

And and and, bigger and better news.
Tomorrow I have a CT Scan of my sinuses.
And next week I have an allergy test (I'll let you know how that goes. It's going to be fantastic or horrid).
And then I get "evaluated."

Oh, and Adrienne McVey--I love you, but I surely do hate you. Or at least the back of your head. Remember when you dyed Joe's hair blue, and then we went outside and we attacked you? And you hit my nose with the back of your head? Well, it's done its damage. And now I may get to have my deviated septum corrected. Thanks.

But it's supposed to make my breathing easier, so it will be worth it.

Also, steroids? Great great drugs. I'm totally going to gain ten pounds while taking them because they make my appetite psycho. But they make me feel ggggrrrreat!

And I was wondering the other day....
How exactly is it that people have the time to think so damn much? Why do they take the time to psycho-analyze every word that's exchanged? I have so many whys....

Why do they even care?
Why can't people just take things at face value?
Why do people come up with extremely absurd rumors?
And why, oh, why, does alcohol make people so loquatious?

Ooh, another thing. What the hell is so cool about Hooters? I ate lunch there on Monday and was not impressed...

and did the groundhog see his shadow?

another lecture and adieu.