I don't have a wedding inspiration board...

but I do have some ideas that have been floating around in my head. :)

I want our wedding to be fun. And eco-friendly. And be like a party and not like a stuffy, formal to-do. I want it to be colorful and vintage, old-fashioned and modern, country and fancy at the same time. And I think we're gonna hit the mark spot-on. And I can't wait!

I took these three of these pictures intending to put together an "inspiration board." That never really happened. The 4th picture, the one of the flower, I took at Renee's house almost exactly a year ago. (actually, like a year and two days ago!) I decided that I wanted to share them with you, because they make me happy.


and check out that glass! I loooooove pretty glass. and some of those pieces have special places in my heart--like the compote we got in alabama, or the center one that came from renee's wedding, or the little brighter green dish that belonged to my granny. Everything in that picture except, of course, the beer bottles, reside in my china cabinet, which is probably my favorite piece of furniture in my whole house. :)

anyhoo, pretty pictures for your wednesday.

"I'm so excited, I'm so scared!"

~saved by the bell.

It's okay, no diet pills, heavy caffeine intake, over-exercising or the like here. but that IS how I feel about my wedding.

I am not anxious about the part involving marrying Matt. I'm pretty dang excited about that :) But I am worried that, say, my granny will be having a bad day during that week and take it out on me. Or that at the last moment I'll realize we forgot something very important. Or that my Oklahoma allergies will flare up.

you'll notice that these are all things entirely out of my control. and it's not like I'm sitting over here biting off my nails and freaking out--but I'm just kind of worried. I'm not even worried about the weather--if it rains, it rains. If it does, we get married in the barn. If it doesn't, we get married by the lake. Our tent has sidewalls, it's all good. But I can't prepare myself for emotional onslaughts or broken favors or allergy attacks. So in 54 days, please send good vibes my way. :)

Also, I need a suggestion--I need to find someone to serve as a kind of coordinator that day. I had someone, but now they are unable to make it. And I have a backup, but she's not totally comfortable with that role. Really, I just need someone to tell the food people where to put the food, and the boyscouts where to put the chairs. And, um, yeah, that's probably it. I'm working on a detailed "list" of where everything should be, but really I just need someone else to be in the know so I don't have to think about it that day. I also don't have hundreds of dollars to spend on a day-of coordinator (and wouldn't know who to go to, anyway). Ideas? Suggestions? I just don't want to spend the whole day answering questions.

anyhoodle. now that I've gotten the scared part out...here are my exciting things:

1. Tomorrow my KD gals are throwing me a shower. I am SO excited! I love them so much!! And it is always refreshing and uplifting to spend time with my sisters. :)

2. I go to California on FRIDAY! It's SJG's birthday, and his one birthday request was for me to be there. yeeehaw!

3. the following weekend is my bachelorette! I am kind of nervous about getting my house in order, but all in all, I am EXCITED! There are going to be 20-some-odd of us, and people are coming in from Oklahoma, Virginia, Georgia and California! Woohoo! It should be a TON of fun! And I will get to see George and Tonya AND we are going to see Alice in Wonderland on Sunday. Win, win, win!

4. Matt and I finally booked our tickets for Tulsa. I'm there Tuesday night-Monday morning! (Anyone want to meet for dinner on Tuesday?) And Matt gets there Wednesday and also leaves Monday. Double bonus--when I went to book the tickets were $25 less than they had been when I reserved them!

5. Two weekends after that is our St. Patty's Day themed shower, and I am really excited about that too! and how cute is it that it's going to be St. Patty's Day themed because that's when we met? Speaking of which, earlier that week we will celebrate 3 years of awesomeness. :)

6. A week and a half after that we'll have our engagement pictures. The ones that we won. SO cool! SO looking forward to it. I'm getting my hair styled that day (the lady who did it for me this weekend ROCKS), and we are going to be CUTE! And our photographer is totally amazing. Truth be told, I'm also really excited that she's from California because it means she and I aren't "competing" for the same clients. I mean, not that I'd poach clients or anything, but it's kind of nice that she isn't having to worry that I'll steal her location or whatever.

7. and then? then it will be APRIL! And Easter! And then we leave for Tulsa, get our license and get hitched! I am excited about all of the little details we'll have, and how much fun out wedding will be. That's our number one priority. I cannot believe it's only 54 days away! :)

why I don't like february. aka ten years ago today

sorry in advance for the melancholy, folks.

so, if you haven't caught on, or haven't been reading for a while, you might not know that I don't like february. I never really thought about the month as anything other than cold and the month o' valentine's day until ten years ago. And now, particularly on this day, I remember my father. and his passing.

I could write an entire novel full of unfortunate errors and well meaning actions and just plain old horrible recollections, but that's not the point. Dwelling on the past won't make it go away. Those wounds have scarred over and since scar tissue is even stronger than skin, I won't be breaking into them. I remember my dad as someone well-meaning and who wanted to do his best for his children, but didn't have the capacity to do it. And I'm certain the beginning early-onset Alzheimer's wasn't helpful. But I remember, and I KNOW that his heart was in the right place.

When he passed away he had already been kind of living on "borrowed time." During my senior year he got really really sick and was ultimately put on life support. I was his "next of kin" and therefore supposed to sign the papers to take him off. (he had a DNR and was put on a ventilator and I don't even know what else before they could ID him). Eighteen-year-olds should not have to make decisions like that. I waived my rights and transferred power to my Aunt Candi, who left him on despite his wishes. He got worse and was actually declared dead, but when they put him on the gurney his heart started beating again. He had a toe tag and everything. But he lived for a year and two months after that!

In January and February of 2000 my father had moved close to campus to "be near me." Except to me that really felt like "annoy the heck out of me." He would call. He would show up at the entrance to my dorm. He would get upset when I couldn't or wouldn't call him back. I met him for dinner a couple of times, always at a public place and always somewhere cheap because I would inevitably end up paying. We went to Wendy's a lot. When he passed away I'd seen him about three and a half weeks before, and we'd eaten at Wendy's. I made my boyfriend at the time come with me. He had called me four days earlier and I hadn't returned his call yet.

All this makes it sound like maybe I shouldn't miss him, and most of the time I just remember the good things and don't actually find myself wishing he was still here--I just wish I could've told him a few things. But sometimes I really, really do. The first time I ever genuinely wished he were still here with all my heart was when I got married before. It wasn't that I wanted him to walk me down the aisle or give a toast. I wanted him to dance. Because MAN could he cut a rug! When I was younger we used to hang out while he practiced. I will never hear "Old Time Rock and Roll" without thinking of him. Which perhaps as a little tribute, we'll have to play at our wedding reception. :) But anyway, when it came time for the father-daughter dance, I realized how much I wished my Daddy could've been there dancing with me. It still makes me tear up thinking of it.

Now, ten years later, I'm "officially" educated and a mortgage-payer and I've really come into my own, so to speak, and I feel like I see him all the time. I see him in my stubbornness, I see him in my loud nature, I see him in the way I can chat up a complete stranger.

and it makes me smile.

So I guess today I just wanted to remember my father, and be grateful for some of the traits he gave me (and remind myself that even the less desirable ones come in handy sometimes). And be thankful. Thankful that I knew him, thankful that I know he loved me the very best he could, and thankful for his influences in my life and the lessons he taught me. Like how it's my choice to be angry, I can't blame that one someone else. And how if you call yourself the same thing enough times you will become it (which is why he refused to allow Anna to call herself stupid). And how it's okay to be a little mean when you play the game, because though the "it's how you play the game" is totally the most important part, winning is pretty awesome. :)

I think I'll end on the positive note. and be thankful that february is almost over. :)

beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

or in this case, Hazel. :) she freaking loves this little torn up slightly furry magenta thing formerly known as a mouse-shaped cat toy. I was cleaning things out recently and found this in the container with some of my warmer-weather shoes, and hazel has been going nuts over this toy ever since. I mean, clearly she loved it before (it already looked like this) but she has been playing fetch and playing fetch and playing fetch and entertaining herself with it. it is pretty cute.

and speaking of pretty cute: for valentine's matt cooked me dinner, we drank strawberry champagne and we watched Love Actually. And after the movie, while we watched smallville, I edited photos. Matt also got me THREE things of Chocolate. One of them is making a cameo in the picture of Hazel's toy! But anyway, while we watched smallville, things looked kind of like this:

Check out the Gobes--he came down off his usual perch on the back of the couch and sat ON my arm. It was pretty adorable until my arm started falling asleep. But he was SO comfy. And snuggly. And warm. And I liked it. :)

and then I when I got up Matt captured something else pretty adorable. see hazel and Gobi, standing guard outside of the restroom door? Yep, they were waiting on me, and they just stood there, waiting until I came out to cuddle some more. It's like I've got two little shadows, and it makes me smile :)

oh yeah, and speaking of things that make me smile:

1. new business cards and marketing material!! sorry if you're seeing these for the second time--they were on my photography blog too. I have really enjoyed using the ones that bak made me a few years ago, but I finally got through all 500 of them, and it was time for ones with accurate info :) I am also quite pleased because I designed them all by myself. :)

2. matt.

oh, wait, you want more elaboration, huh? well, Matt and I took a trip to Ikea on our way back from Atlanta to see Mike and Renee Superbowl Weekend, (and we got this awesome shelf in walnut, and it now resides in our living room!), and Matt was suuuuuper patient. Like, super-dee-duper amazingly patient. Even when it took half an hour to get some fabric cut. And even when I wanted to look at frames after that. He totally wins a gold medal. Anyway, so we're waiting in the check-out line, looking at all the "buy me! buy me!" items, and we see these.

we look at them. we look at each other. we realize we are both thinking the same thing. we buy them immediately and declare that it might be four of the best dollars we've ever spent.

and later that night at lara and kevin's superbowl party, we had the pleasure of putting them to use. :)

seeking your opinion...

It's time for my company's annual photo contest! I have always found your feedback so very helpful--would you mind helping me out again? I get to enter 5 images. This year I seem to be tending towards the "misc" category. There are actually 5 possible categories--well, 6 really, but 5 I qualify to enter. People, Nature, Landscape, Architecture and Misc.

Would you please tell me which one(s) you like best? Feel free to say 1 or 7 or any number you like! I really appreciate your help!

1 2 3


4 5 6


7 8


9 10


11 12


13 14


15 16

17 18

19 20

21 22

Oh yeah, and in case you are curious--I felt that if I was actually hired and paid to do the work, it wasn't appropriate for me to enter it in the contest. It's just not in the spirit of the event!

I will be placing my order on Thursday, so if you have a moment before then I'd appreciate it! thanks, friends!

"don't, don't you worry, about the atmosphere , or any sudden pressure change, cause i know that it's starting to get warm in here and things..."

are starting to get strange.

~andrew bird

my friend sjg put up this link on his twitter. it's full of cartoons mocking al gore and the "theory" or global warming. and it frustrates the heck out of me.

dear people of the world who, I am assuming, don't ever bother to read the fine print:

(or for that matter, anything but headlines). Or, assuming you did read it, or didn't care to read it, or just don't know...well...Global warming does NOT mean that we are going to have 365 days of hot hot summer every year. It does not mean we won't have seasons. It does not mean it will not get cold.

As a matter of fact? The reason it's so important that we do what we can to stop global warming is actually quite simple--we have gotten our eco-balance all out of whack. Record highs and record snows all in a year, hmm? It's like if you're playing jenga and you slowly take away all but one of the blocks from the bottom 5 rows. yeah, yeah, it's gonna balance for a while. and then it's going to sway some. maybe everything will rotate one way or the other, away from the original orientation.

and then the tiniest nudge is going to be what brings down the house.

With this in mind, the cartoons are actually pretty funny :)

love,

Carrie

ps: this one is one of my favorites. (And the source is listed on the bottom of the comic)

"whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say, it is well, it is well, with my soul."

~horatio spafford

I have been feeling pretty freakin' emotionally overwhelmed recently. Not oh-my-gosh-there-aren't-enough-hours-in-the-day overwhelmed, but like there just keeps on being thing after thing that is upsetting or frustrating or hurtful.

and it is totally getting the best of me.

and yeah, yeah, blah blah my problems are small in the grand scheme yada blah. I know that. but as I explained to someone else (on a very different topic) it's like when your arm is bruised and someone touches it and hurts. farrrr more than it would normally. because you are already bruised. yep, that.

so instead of trying to talk myself into thinking about the grand scheme of things, or whatever, I will just remember "it is well, with my soul."

on an unrelated-ish note (except that it's all the lenten music that got me thinking...)--I am seriously considering giving up the word "like" for Lent. As in "I was like, blah blah blah." we'll see. I've just noticed myself saying that more and I don't like it!

oh, and last fun story. guess who has two thumbs and got a prescription for an epi pen today? yep, this kid!

I got my first vial of allergy drops (for under-the-tongue use!) and with them came a prescription for an epi pen! woohoo!

oh wait and one more. guess who FINALLY refunded my money. yep, the lady who sold me this. two months after I bought it, one month after it arrived and three weeks after I returned it to her, I FINALLY have my money back. minus shipping charges, which I think is pretty crappy considering that she mis-listed the dress and I'm out on shipping twice, but fine, whatever. I am just relieved to have a dress to wear that fits (I bought one, I think I mentioned that!) and glad to be done with the other lady. whew!

tomorrow's post will have pictures. :)

today I have consumed

1 granola bar.
1 to-go cup of coffee.
3.5 glasses of orange juice. (I couldn't get enough!)
1 bowl of wayne's.
1 container o' yogurt.
1 can of original coca-cola.
3 gaiam bottles of water
and a 100 calorie pack of sour patch kids.

I do not usually eat like this. I'm kind of grossed out by today's menu. But at the same time, I feel like I might just scream at the next person who asks me to do something for this proposal. sooooooo I will just be thankful that I have eaten, because otherwise I do think I would've become a really scary monster. just fyi.

oh yeah, my pantry

on new year's day I went on a little cleaning kick. also known as "I attacked my pantry." this is what it looked like. things falling over, digging though to get what we needed and basically a wreck. we'd just shut the door when people came over and pretend like it didn't exist.

but I had had ENOUGH! soI took out everything, I checked all the expiration dates, I sorted by type (baking, dinner, canned fruits, extra staples, etc) and then put it all back in.



It is WAY more functional now! And I can SEE things and FIND them.

Carrie=happy.

:)