the post where I complain.

I love my job, I love my job, I love my job.

I do. I swear. But right now I kind of want to yell "screw you, stupid job!" and walk out the door. Or at least take a day off.

Yes, my honeymoon is coming up. And yes, I'll be able to take that week off, yessiree. But...

so, my days have been going a little something like this: get up later than I am supposed to. hurry in to work. work all day at a level that is far below my actual capacity--except I can't even come close to that capacity because I am so damn tired. head home after 9 or 10 hours, eat food, edit pictures, work on cleaning my house for Harvey's visit. Go to bed too late because I didn't even get home until 8pm.

repeat.

and the worst part is: when I, say, stayed up until 130 am on monday night cleaning up all of the damn ants that had invaded my kitchen, what I REALLY wanted to do is say "okay, work, I'll be in at noon." Or next week, when my brother Harvey and his dad Steve visit, what I really want to do is use my PTO.

except I can't. I mean, like, legally-speaking I could do so. But between my workaholic project lead and my I-don't-think-she-ever-sleeps lead at the place who contracted us, taking off work is pretty much not an option. and it frustrates the ever-living crap out of me.

and it's because I'm in the midst of this.

and I hate it because I KNOW I am doing a sub-par job. And I KNOW I could do better. I am capable of much better. But I just don't CARE about it right now. Instead I'm just trying to trudge through it and get to the end of this craziness and then, hopefully, resume working a normal-ish schedule. One where I get to work earlier, work a full day and then go home. Take my salaried amount and roll out instead of working overtime every damn day.

(and for the record--I know lots of Chemical Engineers work 50-60+ hour weeks. but they get paid a bajillion dollars more a year than I do. or probably 1.5-2 times as much. one of the perks of my job is that I'm supposed to work a 40 hour week and be done with it. and that is why I am more than happy to get paid less than the ChEs who work their rears off every single week putting in lots of extra hours. I get why they do it, but it's not what I want to do. anyway.)

so now I am regretting things such as:
-going out of town last weekend (though it was superfun)
-being out of town this coming saturday night.
-buying tickets to see RENT this evening
-opting to watch 45 minutes of TV last night.
-oversleeping (again) this morning
-taking the time to type out this blog post.
-etc.

please excuse my whining. I know I am lucky to have a job, and especially one that makes a difference and is important to me. And especially in this economy. But even though I am fortunate in those regards, I think it's fair to say that I am also in a pretty yucky situation. le sigh.