Thursday, July 08, 2010

the post where I complain.

I love my job, I love my job, I love my job.

I do. I swear. But right now I kind of want to yell "screw you, stupid job!" and walk out the door. Or at least take a day off.

Yes, my honeymoon is coming up. And yes, I'll be able to take that week off, yessiree. But...

so, my days have been going a little something like this: get up later than I am supposed to. hurry in to work. work all day at a level that is far below my actual capacity--except I can't even come close to that capacity because I am so damn tired. head home after 9 or 10 hours, eat food, edit pictures, work on cleaning my house for Harvey's visit. Go to bed too late because I didn't even get home until 8pm.

repeat.

and the worst part is: when I, say, stayed up until 130 am on monday night cleaning up all of the damn ants that had invaded my kitchen, what I REALLY wanted to do is say "okay, work, I'll be in at noon." Or next week, when my brother Harvey and his dad Steve visit, what I really want to do is use my PTO.

except I can't. I mean, like, legally-speaking I could do so. But between my workaholic project lead and my I-don't-think-she-ever-sleeps lead at the place who contracted us, taking off work is pretty much not an option. and it frustrates the ever-living crap out of me.

and it's because I'm in the midst of this.

and I hate it because I KNOW I am doing a sub-par job. And I KNOW I could do better. I am capable of much better. But I just don't CARE about it right now. Instead I'm just trying to trudge through it and get to the end of this craziness and then, hopefully, resume working a normal-ish schedule. One where I get to work earlier, work a full day and then go home. Take my salaried amount and roll out instead of working overtime every damn day.

(and for the record--I know lots of Chemical Engineers work 50-60+ hour weeks. but they get paid a bajillion dollars more a year than I do. or probably 1.5-2 times as much. one of the perks of my job is that I'm supposed to work a 40 hour week and be done with it. and that is why I am more than happy to get paid less than the ChEs who work their rears off every single week putting in lots of extra hours. I get why they do it, but it's not what I want to do. anyway.)

so now I am regretting things such as:
-going out of town last weekend (though it was superfun)
-being out of town this coming saturday night.
-buying tickets to see RENT this evening
-opting to watch 45 minutes of TV last night.
-oversleeping (again) this morning
-taking the time to type out this blog post.
-etc.

please excuse my whining. I know I am lucky to have a job, and especially one that makes a difference and is important to me. And especially in this economy. But even though I am fortunate in those regards, I think it's fair to say that I am also in a pretty yucky situation. le sigh.

6 comments:

Misha said...

I feel ya. Even though I am getting a pretty penny for my job, it is still super sucky when unexpectedly the plant operating 7 days a week 24 hours a day, has an upset, comes crashing down, and you have to not only work your weekends, but work graveyards. Talk about messing up your plans and schedule.

Welcome to Life.

Zan said...

You are in a yucky situation. And I think you can be appreciative and grateful to have a job without having to put up with the feeling of being overworked or abused. Have fun on your honeymoon when you get there!

m-m-m-melissa said...

BOO TOWN.

my word verification is "resist." perhaps that could be of some use to you? resist regretting good times at the sake of your work? resist quitting because of how much you love it? resist feeling guilty about trying to leave the previous to coincide?

good luck, ladybug. deeeep breaths. :) :) :)

m-m-m-melissa said...

previous TWO coincide.

i type faster than i think.

my word verification this time is "prehels." less useful, i think. ;)

gurdas said...

And in the middle of all this you found 30 mins to work on my photo. This is why I think you are a treasure. If there is anything I can do to ease the workload, feel free to ask.

care said...

thanks y'all. :)

and good news--it looks like I juuuuust miiiiiight get to take wednesday off after all!

 
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