look down at the picture, and you just have to laugh.

it isn't me, it's just a photograph. ~Jesse Harris

so, begin somewhat-jackie-inspired rumination:

the more I've gotten into photography the more I've noticed people's responses to it. what they say when they see the photos, or how they comment on my page (which, by the way, I luuuurrrrve!), or what they tell me later to my face. of course I'm sensitive to it, because I'm a girl, but I'm also intrigued. and part of that has to do with my fascination with words. but anyway.

It's funny to me how complete strangers (on myspace, for instance) will contact me and assume that they know me just because of the "art" that I've created. They think that these rectangles depicting colors and things and life just tell you everything you could possibly know about me. And on one hand, I find that flattering because I really like my photos, but on the other I'm frustrated too, because there's so much more to me than just what I can do with a camera.

I think--nay, I know--that I really don't like being miserunderstood.

But the most intriguing comments of all have to do with saying, "I really like the way you see things," or "you have good/interesting perspective." And it's funny, 'cause it's a hugely nice compliment, but at the same time I've never seen these things any other way. It's like when people ask me what it's like being a twin--how could I possibly know what it would be like any other way? I've always been one, (well, at least since that zygote split) and that's that. And for me it's the same way with photos--ever since I started to really take it in that's how I've seen things, so it's nothing new to me. It's just that now I can capture it.

end rumination. but maybe begin a different kind...

the undo key: I am really beginning to realize how many times I've pressed it in my life. It's just never come up so much before--and here it lies before me, practically in a fell swoop. In getting to know someone new, and in talking to someone with whom I had a complete tabula rasa, every week I realize one or two or ten things that I used to believe in so strongly, or that used to be a part of my everysecond existence, but that I've now chosen to leave behind. Like, for instance, those Left Behind books. Or books about having angels and demon everywhere all around us, protecting us, tempting us, helping us, hindering us (which I actually still kind of believe). And bands like Audio Adrenaline and The Newsboys. I think about how ten years ago I would have seriously considered taking a key and scratching every single *secular* cd I own--not selling them, but ruining them, so they couldn't *damage* anyone else. Wearing Christian tshirts, Purity/Promise rings and signing purity contracts, blindly placing my faith in God's path for my life without realizing that it's the little things that show you your path anyway--God put them there, I believe, but it's not like you're going to get a flashing neon sign a'la LA Story.

and now I feel like I've taken a sieve and put all of my thoughts and beliefs in it and shaken out all those little superfluous religious space fillers. the close-mindedness, the conservatism, the judging. Those pebbles are gone, and there's a few big rocks left (religious pun intended!)--God, and Jesus and the Holy Spirit. And Love. And Faith. And Hope.

and I am so much better off with these few than I ever ever was with the many.