it's kind of surreal...

I know that many people have experienced that strange feeling that creeps up when you find out that, say, your childhood home is for sale. It's been a lingering thing for me because my childhood home is not only for sale, but also can't manage to get sold. AND the people who bought it totally re-did the place in a pretty shoddy manner. they made the flow of the house awkward, blocked off access to most of the basement and did a lot of quick-fixes.

very bizarre.

but, this has been going on for years, so that's not really what I'm writing about...

yesterday one of the blogs I read had a post about this amazing, historic fixer-upper in durham. It had one of those awesome vintage kitchens and some crazy cool wooden detailing, and you could tell this house had been well-loved and then, eventually, not well kept. It made me want to look up homes since Matt and I have been talking about them a lot recently (even though we aren't buying for like another year or two or more). So I did.

and I found this gem.

a few of you might recognize it. imagine it with a big blue wall in the bedroom and a green kitchen. it is my old house. the first house I ever bought.

I hung that little curtain in the window in front of the kitchen sink. And the rod over the dining room window, and those white curtains, too. That giant TV caused a HUGE argument at one point. And that dining room table was a sticking point in our separation agreement. A really big sticking point, actually. And do you see the ceiling fans? Yep, added those too.

I don't miss that house. I don't miss the vast majority of the memories that were created there. It was in that house that I painted the coolest bathroom ever. That house was where I learned that my ability to grow plants successfully is directly related to my emotional situation (everything I planted there either died or never even grew in the first place). (and while we're into parenthetical asides, I really need to show y'all a picture of my jungle off of my patio)

it's just. it's weird. it's a link to my past that I see fairly regularly (it's not super far from our current home, and it's near the closest grocery store) and sometimes it's like a whole other Carrie lived in that house.

I will be glad to see it sell. I know he will be, too.

at first I kind of wished I hadn't seen it for sale in the first place. but then dear sjg pointed out that perhaps I needed to, so I can know all of his ties to d-town are gone. which actually makes me relieved. and happy for j. and it kind of feels like I can forever shut the book on that period of my life, and re-visit it no more. :)