Thursday, September 23, 2010

it's kind of surreal...

I know that many people have experienced that strange feeling that creeps up when you find out that, say, your childhood home is for sale. It's been a lingering thing for me because my childhood home is not only for sale, but also can't manage to get sold. AND the people who bought it totally re-did the place in a pretty shoddy manner. they made the flow of the house awkward, blocked off access to most of the basement and did a lot of quick-fixes.

very bizarre.

but, this has been going on for years, so that's not really what I'm writing about...

yesterday one of the blogs I read had a post about this amazing, historic fixer-upper in durham. It had one of those awesome vintage kitchens and some crazy cool wooden detailing, and you could tell this house had been well-loved and then, eventually, not well kept. It made me want to look up homes since Matt and I have been talking about them a lot recently (even though we aren't buying for like another year or two or more). So I did.

and I found this gem.

a few of you might recognize it. imagine it with a big blue wall in the bedroom and a green kitchen. it is my old house. the first house I ever bought.

I hung that little curtain in the window in front of the kitchen sink. And the rod over the dining room window, and those white curtains, too. That giant TV caused a HUGE argument at one point. And that dining room table was a sticking point in our separation agreement. A really big sticking point, actually. And do you see the ceiling fans? Yep, added those too.

I don't miss that house. I don't miss the vast majority of the memories that were created there. It was in that house that I painted the coolest bathroom ever. That house was where I learned that my ability to grow plants successfully is directly related to my emotional situation (everything I planted there either died or never even grew in the first place). (and while we're into parenthetical asides, I really need to show y'all a picture of my jungle off of my patio)

it's just. it's weird. it's a link to my past that I see fairly regularly (it's not super far from our current home, and it's near the closest grocery store) and sometimes it's like a whole other Carrie lived in that house.

I will be glad to see it sell. I know he will be, too.

at first I kind of wished I hadn't seen it for sale in the first place. but then dear sjg pointed out that perhaps I needed to, so I can know all of his ties to d-town are gone. which actually makes me relieved. and happy for j. and it kind of feels like I can forever shut the book on that period of my life, and re-visit it no more. :)


m-m-m-melissa said...

i love this post. that is all. xo

Renee B. said...

i agree with mr. gates. and so surreal seeing those pictures!

Sydney Fedesna said...

Wow, without you adding about the green and blue walls, I could never picture you living in that seems so sterile now the way it is back to being completely neutral. It to me speaks volumes about that chapter in your life that is now closed. I of course have never been to your townhouse, but from the pictures I have seen, it has the vibrancy of Carrie in every room, which makes me smile. I am so glad you are with Matt who respects and loves you for you without fail.

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