live a life less ordinary.

~carbon leaf

I previously used the second part of this song lyric as a title. now it's time for the beginning. and I think it's kind of funny that I have to double-check every time I use lyrics for a title unless I found out about a band in the past, like, two months. :)

anyway...

this is a post about being grateful. and about embracing contradictions. and the like.

but first, a tangent: I am often reminded of my "super-skinny" days. the days where I weighed ~105 pounds. all through college. I am 5 feet 5.5 inches--you do the math, that is not a healthy weight. however, sometimes I look at the number on my clothes or see old pictures and I must remind myself that college Carrie was WAY too little. way.

and that takes my brain down the road of what has happened since college. how I came to north carolina. about the jobs I've had since I came here, and how that stupid job at the gap is actually what brought me to my current job. and the life changes that have taken place in the last seven years. and in hindsight, I realize it was all part of a grander plan.

for me to find matt.
and for me to embrace the gifts I've been given.
and for me to be me.

I guess I've just been thinking a lot about it the past few days because at lunch earlier this week someone asked me how old I was--and I told them I turn 30 in two months and change. My other co-worker corrected me--Carrie, you are 29--TWENTY-NINE. Don't round up.

I told her I am EXCITED about being thirty. I told them both that thirty is not old. I told them that when I am in my thirties I am going to experience some pretty fantastic things. I am going to go to Italy. I will go to Europe for the first time in my life. Hell, it'll be the first time I've been on another continent.

When I am in my thirties I will (hopefully) have babies. Plural. Perhaps a George or Cleona/Claire or Lilah or Nathaniel. Only time will tell.

When I am in my thirties I will celebrate ten years of life with Matt. And he and I will buy our first real house. With a yard that he mows. A yard with space for a garden. And where our children will play.

I will remain a photographer AND an engineer. (which is, to most people, a contradiction. and I have actually been told it isn't FAIR, by the way. I find that humorous. anyway...) And maybe I will go to grad school again. Matt will most definitely go to grad school. with any luck I will finish up my 50 states photography project in my thirties.

And actually, now that I think of it, in my thirties I will meet my new niece Cameron, and hopefully many other nieces and nephews. And also my "nieces" and "nephews"--aka my dearest friends' children.

And as I sat on the couch last night with Matt I just kept thinking about life choices. And how "green" I've become. And how many people tell me about their green accomplishments when I see them. And the roundabout way in which I became a photographer. And an air quality engineer. and how DIFFERENT that is from me 10 years ago. and how different it is from what I used to think my life would be. And I realize that were it not for moving to North Carolina, were it not for the friends I have made here, were it not for my contradictory nature (hello, libra-scorpio combo), were it not for the innate skills I didn't even realize I had...well...for one I don't think this blog post would exist :)

and I am grateful. even in the chaos that's happening right now, I remind myself that I am grateful.

anyway. enough is enough, yes? thank you for reading. I know I will come back to read this when I get frustrated or overwhelmed. and when I turn thirty, just in case anyone tells me they think I'm old. :D