maybe I don't wanna be an engineer.

or more specifically, maybe I don't wanna do anymore complicated math.

let's get this straight. I looooooove math. I love it. I love all math. except for calc 1, 2, 3 and differential equations. numerical methods? love it. laplace transforms? okay, I love those too (even though they're calculus--but in my defense, they're like a puzzle!) I think geometry is great and algebra is kind of my favorite ever.

but engineering math? it kills me. it makes me cry. it is torture. I am BAD at it. integrals? derivatives? really complex equations? um, no thank you.

I learned this in college. I was a math whiz until my senior year in high school. And then I was introduced to Calculus and it ate me for lunch. I think my gpa would've been like .3 or .4 points higher if it hadn't been for calculus.

so. My brilliant fiance said to me yesterday "Carrie, I think if you could just learn information and not have to do the math, this whole online degree thing would be a breeze."

I think he's right.
I then recalled how much I hated math in college.
and then I remembered that if I keep going on this engineering masters I will have to do more math. a whole math class.

that gives me the heeby jeebies.

I was also thinking about courses I like and courses I don't like. I liked my Pollution Prevention, Air Pollution Control and Air Quality Engineering classes. Thermo gave me migraines, Material Science made me crazy and this Water class is taking away my will to live (it's just an expression, people, fret not).

So...analytical Carrie said "what do these classes have that these others do not?" And the answer is that they had a LOT more information and a LOT less calculation. I mean, yeah, I had homeworks for all three. Some involving calcs. But they weren't calculus and they weren't rocket science. I feel like this water class is rocket science. Material science just does not compute in my brain. And I can do online courses if they have books, or the notes are good, or they aren't explaining an excel worksheet and videoing the professor but not the board.

and really? really??? I should've thought about what happened to me in undergrad. I made it through and got my degree, but I worked my ASS off to get it. So maybe an actual engineering degree isn't for me. And maybe this is the wake-up call I needed.

maybe.

I have found some envir0nmental stud!es programs that look promising. All online, all info and not focused on math. It's a MA, not an MS, but I actually think I'm totally okay with that. I mean, I can take a class in sustainable development! " The interdisciplinary study of a conceptual framework for development that recognizes the interlocking nature of environmental, economic, and social conditions: degradation in any one of these areas weakens the sustainability of the others. " that sounds SO COOL to me.

will I do this? I have no idea.
but I'm at least going to look into it.

I mean, some of my classes will probably transfer. and it's about the same cost. and it is a real-life-school, not an "online only university."

so we'll see.
I'll let you know.
I also figure, I already have one engineering degree--do I really need two? Yeah, perhaps not :)