I wonder if I'll still have hair when I get married...

because lately quite a few things make me want to yank it out!

I had the following convo last night (abridged)

me: let's compromise. you wear a dress until the end of dinner, then you can change into whatever you're comfy in.

her: okay, but only if it's floor-length stretch-velvet.

me: uhh...it's gonna be april, honey. we'll find you something that's comfy. and you can wear flats!

her: I can't believe you'd ask me to wear a dress!!! you are stressing me out! you are asking me to stand in front of people!!!!

me: um, it's what girls wear in weddings. especially if they're in the wedding party. but, and I don't mean this meanly, if it is going to stress you our and make you anxious, you don't have to be in the wedding party. I will love you just as much if you are in it or not in it. Do what will make you happy.

her: but you WANT me in the party, right?

me: yes, but not if it is going to stress you out.

her: well I'm only doing this 'cause you want me to and it IS stressing me out.

me: well, then tell me you want out and it's no big deal, I still will want you there, okay? just do what you're comfy with.

her: [thinking] hey...I know! I could buy a green tuxedo...I'd even pay for it myself. it would go with the colors and be dressy and I could wear pan or wear what the guys are wearing? ties and all?

me: (trying not to laugh) we're not having a wear-a-tuxedo kind of wedding. and you can't dress like a boy. let's try to find you something comfy.

her: but it has to be floor length, I am SO PALE.
[pause]

me: I am your identical twin and I am allergic to the sun. I will be fair as fair can be. I'll ask people not to tan, okay? It'll be April, it'll be FINE.

her: okay but I'm not wearing heels.

me: I said you could wear flats...

her: I AM NOT WEARING HEELS. I will wear tennis shoes. I can't walk in flats.
me: flats are like ballet slippers. just try them, okay???

her: FINE. but I am NOT wearing makeup.

etc. she also refuses to get her hair done.

next up: and y'all KNOW I love my Granny, but I was told:
a) it is STUPID (not her word. I think foolish or inconsiderate or impractical) that you are getting married in April.
b) you are being selfish. you are interfering with Harvey's high school graduation. Harvey graduates at the end of May people. SIX WEEKS LATER.
c) I think you shouldn't get married on a wednesday (we nixed that idea already)
d) I think you should get married in January. Like, the 2nd or 3rd weekend. If you don't, please refer to letter A.

yeaaaaaaaaah.

and THEN there are the people who keep bringing up my first wedding/husband. OH. MY. GOD. Please please, pleasepleasepleasePLEASE. Justin is a nice human being. I wish him well. And yes, I talk to him occasionally, and we are both very happy. But FOR THE LOVE. When someone is talking about their impending nuptuals it is just BAD FORM to bring up their first marriage. With things like "well, when you got married the first time..." or "you're having a big fancy wedding like your first one, right?" Or "do you regret that you've done this before and he's doing all this for the first time?" Or "I think Matt is so much better for you than Justin was."

You do not have to compare Matt to Justin to express how much you like Matt, or Matt and me together.

And while it is occasionally an entirely appropriate thing to mention, overall, you should drop it like it's hot. fo rizzle.

[And FYI: no I do not regret getting married. No, we were not young and stupid. Do I wish I would've been willing to move here with him and not be married. YES. But ultimately? If it weren't for Justin I bet I never would've come to North Carolina. I would probably be in Oklahoma or Texas, working in a job I didn't like, without all these friends and experiences and support and my photography. And I'm actually kind of glad too because I have the freedom to do whatever Matt and I want instead of fulfilling the vicarious needs of someone else. ahem.]

And last but very-not-least. The topic o' the name change.

Matt says that as long as our kids take his last name, and he doesn't have to change his, we're good to go. What I do with my name is my business. I wholeheartedly agree. I respect that some people have other opinions, but we are entitled to our own.

I have definitely asked some people to offer their thoughts--because I'm a fan of opinions. But I have also gotten "you aren't gonna keep Rich@rdson are you?" (said with disdain) or "you're changing to FRY?" Or "why would you hyphenate" or all sorts of other input. All said with a tone of "I can't believe you'd even think about that!"

and to that I say: bah, humbug.

as of today: I'm gonna be Rich@rds0n-Fry. Matt is excited about calling me CRRF (the sounds, not the letters!) He also suggested I become Frichardson. ;) Some days I say I'll stay Rich@rds0n. Some I think I'll say Fry. Some days I think I'll have two middle names. Logic tells me to put Fry in there somewhere to make things easier with kids. But if I didn't? Uh, yeah. I'm not going to be the first woman whose children have a different last name than she does. I mean, my MOTHER has had a different last name than mine since I was 5. It's gonna be okay.

and it's not that I mind opinions. I welcome them. It is the judging. And the disdain.

On the plus side: I am thankful that the judging and disdain is coming from people who AREN'T my fiance. :)

SUMMARY INCASE YOU DIDN'T FEEL LIKE READING ALL OF THIS: We are trying to be pretty go-with-the-flow and low-stress, and I'm really glad about that, but other people are stressing me out! The end.