Friday, November 06, 2009

I wonder if I'll still have hair when I get married...

because lately quite a few things make me want to yank it out!

I had the following convo last night (abridged)

me: let's compromise. you wear a dress until the end of dinner, then you can change into whatever you're comfy in.

her: okay, but only if it's floor-length stretch-velvet.

me: uhh...it's gonna be april, honey. we'll find you something that's comfy. and you can wear flats!

her: I can't believe you'd ask me to wear a dress!!! you are stressing me out! you are asking me to stand in front of people!!!!

me: um, it's what girls wear in weddings. especially if they're in the wedding party. but, and I don't mean this meanly, if it is going to stress you our and make you anxious, you don't have to be in the wedding party. I will love you just as much if you are in it or not in it. Do what will make you happy.

her: but you WANT me in the party, right?

me: yes, but not if it is going to stress you out.

her: well I'm only doing this 'cause you want me to and it IS stressing me out.

me: well, then tell me you want out and it's no big deal, I still will want you there, okay? just do what you're comfy with.

her: [thinking] hey...I know! I could buy a green tuxedo...I'd even pay for it myself. it would go with the colors and be dressy and I could wear pan or wear what the guys are wearing? ties and all?

me: (trying not to laugh) we're not having a wear-a-tuxedo kind of wedding. and you can't dress like a boy. let's try to find you something comfy.

her: but it has to be floor length, I am SO PALE.
[pause]

me: I am your identical twin and I am allergic to the sun. I will be fair as fair can be. I'll ask people not to tan, okay? It'll be April, it'll be FINE.

her: okay but I'm not wearing heels.

me: I said you could wear flats...

her: I AM NOT WEARING HEELS. I will wear tennis shoes. I can't walk in flats.
me: flats are like ballet slippers. just try them, okay???

her: FINE. but I am NOT wearing makeup.

etc. she also refuses to get her hair done.

next up: and y'all KNOW I love my Granny, but I was told:
a) it is STUPID (not her word. I think foolish or inconsiderate or impractical) that you are getting married in April.
b) you are being selfish. you are interfering with Harvey's high school graduation. Harvey graduates at the end of May people. SIX WEEKS LATER.
c) I think you shouldn't get married on a wednesday (we nixed that idea already)
d) I think you should get married in January. Like, the 2nd or 3rd weekend. If you don't, please refer to letter A.

yeaaaaaaaaah.

and THEN there are the people who keep bringing up my first wedding/husband. OH. MY. GOD. Please please, pleasepleasepleasePLEASE. Justin is a nice human being. I wish him well. And yes, I talk to him occasionally, and we are both very happy. But FOR THE LOVE. When someone is talking about their impending nuptuals it is just BAD FORM to bring up their first marriage. With things like "well, when you got married the first time..." or "you're having a big fancy wedding like your first one, right?" Or "do you regret that you've done this before and he's doing all this for the first time?" Or "I think Matt is so much better for you than Justin was."

You do not have to compare Matt to Justin to express how much you like Matt, or Matt and me together.

And while it is occasionally an entirely appropriate thing to mention, overall, you should drop it like it's hot. fo rizzle.

[And FYI: no I do not regret getting married. No, we were not young and stupid. Do I wish I would've been willing to move here with him and not be married. YES. But ultimately? If it weren't for Justin I bet I never would've come to North Carolina. I would probably be in Oklahoma or Texas, working in a job I didn't like, without all these friends and experiences and support and my photography. And I'm actually kind of glad too because I have the freedom to do whatever Matt and I want instead of fulfilling the vicarious needs of someone else. ahem.]

And last but very-not-least. The topic o' the name change.

Matt says that as long as our kids take his last name, and he doesn't have to change his, we're good to go. What I do with my name is my business. I wholeheartedly agree. I respect that some people have other opinions, but we are entitled to our own.

I have definitely asked some people to offer their thoughts--because I'm a fan of opinions. But I have also gotten "you aren't gonna keep Rich@rdson are you?" (said with disdain) or "you're changing to FRY?" Or "why would you hyphenate" or all sorts of other input. All said with a tone of "I can't believe you'd even think about that!"

and to that I say: bah, humbug.

as of today: I'm gonna be Rich@rds0n-Fry. Matt is excited about calling me CRRF (the sounds, not the letters!) He also suggested I become Frichardson. ;) Some days I say I'll stay Rich@rds0n. Some I think I'll say Fry. Some days I think I'll have two middle names. Logic tells me to put Fry in there somewhere to make things easier with kids. But if I didn't? Uh, yeah. I'm not going to be the first woman whose children have a different last name than she does. I mean, my MOTHER has had a different last name than mine since I was 5. It's gonna be okay.

and it's not that I mind opinions. I welcome them. It is the judging. And the disdain.

On the plus side: I am thankful that the judging and disdain is coming from people who AREN'T my fiance. :)

SUMMARY INCASE YOU DIDN'T FEEL LIKE READING ALL OF THIS: We are trying to be pretty go-with-the-flow and low-stress, and I'm really glad about that, but other people are stressing me out! The end.

9 comments:

melissa said...

oh i love the name topic. i kept mine, he kept his, and our daughter is Aislinn Violet Mine His. that was there's no confusion on her passport that she and i don't share the same name, and she can drop the second middle name when she marries.

Christal said...

Yeah! It's your name, and as much as I hate to say it your (and of course Matt's) special day. Everyone else needs to just lay off! I think you're wedding sounds like it's going to be fantastic!

Renee said...

i know it was stressful, but the play-by-play of your conversation with your sis made me laugh -- mostly because i can imagine it so clearly. :-) oh, granny...i know friend, i know.

btw, love the new layout!

m-m-m-melissa said...

SING IT SISTER! you don't need the pressure. i'm sorry that everyone's being a bunch of... well... i'd say assholes but that's not very nice considering they're family. so i guess i'll say that it's a shame that all of this is more difficult than it seems it ought to be. better? ;)

i love the new layout, too, and you do whatever you want with all those names. that's part of what's so rad about being a girl: NAME OPTIONS!!! :) :) :)

Elizabeth, Dave, and Reid said...

oh my gosh...it's never the planning of the actual wedding that stresses you out, it's the people. Just remember, it's your wedding and your life, so do what you want. :)

Plan something fun for a honeymoon, when it will be just the two of you!

turner said...

Oh.

My.

God.



If this is the crap a person has to deal with just to tie the knot - forget it. I so could not do that.

Gurdas said...

As always, I have a very outlandish idea:
Both you and Matt should change your last names to something entirely disconnected. Like, "Pichakos". Don't ask me what that means because I just invented that word.
This would be so cool, and it would end the debate though probably it would turn off everyone; those that want you to keep Richardson and those who think you should become Fry.
I am reminded of lines by the Bard of Avon: "What's in a name?"

And I have taken note that my esteemed opinion was not even asked for.

Jax said...

HOLYMOLY people have opinions, don't they?! And I thought the opinions were just reserved for birth plans and breastfeeding.. lol! (That was the last time I remember topics heating up the blogosphere in any form). I'd tell all those peeps "My wedding. My day. MINE MINE MINE!" Go all bridezilla on them. It'll be awesome. *laughing* XOXO! I wholeheartedly am proud of how much you're sticking to what makes YOU happiest. :) Good job, girlie!

Misha said...

No judging from me... you know I want you to do what you want with this - It is a big deal! And it is YOUR deal!

So offering my thoughts...I never thought twice about changing my name. Because I love Andy more than anything in this world that even though Williamson felt so wierd at the time - I wanted us to be together in every sense - And thinking of us as a Williamson household was one of those things. Now, I can hardly believe I was Baker at one time!

 
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