my superlative

most improved?

so, sitting alone tonight, eating not-as-good-as-I-remembered Mexican food, I thought. A lot.

And I've decided that this year my superlative is most improved. I mean, I think it is.

Where was I a year ago? In Washington D.C. with my then-husband celebrating a year of being married. Getting gifts that were a day late and a dollar short that he only made 1/8 good on, and complained the whole damn time. I was working for a crummy boss, driving a honda that was on its last leg, the new RDU-AA president, and had a new cute haircut. I was spending all of my time either watching TV or working, it seemed. There were all sorts of things I wanted to do that I wasn't, and all sorts of things that I didn't want to do that I was.

Over the course of this past year I've made a lot of changes, all of which seem to be for the better.

I now have Mattie. And that's a huge plus, not just because it's a new car, but because it's a real, grown-up, yes you really ARE making money kind of thing for me. Quite honestly I thought I would never get a new car. Ev-er.

And my nose is getting better after the surgery. And I now live in a very nice, cozy AND spacious apartment. I'm getting to paint furniture (I'm thinking restoring furniture would be a damn fun business to go in to--mind you I'm not restoring now, just making cooler, but still). I have a very wonderful boyfriend, who is a real man (rather than being a boy) who knows how to treat a lady, and how to be kind. I have some really great friends in Durham--they very supportive, outgoing, honest and fun! (two of them got engaged yesterday! :) ) And Renee and Jessica say I'm back to my old self, which is good, 'cause I like this me better. I have a better boss, even though I'm not loving my job, and I'm no longer letting people walk all over me at work.

I have cuter underwear than I did a year ago. And better shoes. And longer hair. And I read more, and I didn't realize how much I missed that. And even though I'm taking the summer off, I'm going to grad school. Which is a really good thing because I think I should go.

I am much more conscious of my being self-sufficient, and not nearly so stubborn in trying to prove myself.

And I'm so much happier. Today happens to be an unhappy-Carrie day, but all in all I'm better off, I think. I mean a lot more to me now, if that makes sense. And I know more what I want, and how I want to spend my time and effort, and I know who is worth loving. Everyone who is reading this is on that list--of people worth loving.

So today is a bit melancholy, and a bit new to me. I've never before felt like I had so many options. Just a few days ago I seriously considered doing the work to apply to law school. Yes, really. And I thought about how in 13 months maybe I'll move out of North Carolina. How that's a real option for me. And I can move anywhere I want. And if that happens to be in or near Raleigh, NC, so be it. But maybe I will want something else.

As it turns out, being able to do what I want is what I need.

Not always, and not with disregard to others, but really, that's all I need. Is to be me.

Anyway, thanks for reading. Thanks for always reading. And thanks for being real people who really care, and who I really love.

goodnight, friends. I have to be at breakfast at seven am (sigh).

PS-On an odd note. I got an email today titled "wrapped in cotton" -- guess who it was from. Audrey thinks it was pretty slimy of him to remind me of that. hopefully I'll never be reminded by him again.

PPS-enough rambling, I know, I know.