Monday, April 26, 2010

if I had to do it all over again...

our wedding that is...

well, if I had to do it all over again, I definitely would-I'll say that for sure! our wedding was stressful sometimes, due mostly to family and trying to share all the info with so many people, but overall was pretty cool as a cucumber. or, if you're matt, cool as the other side of the pillow. :)

things I learned and would like to impart to other people. and/or, things I would like to vent about.

1. the contingency plan

I had always said "oh, and if it rains, we will just get married in the barn." Um, yes, that was a brilliant idea. The problem was that getting married in the barn meant we needed to figure out about where to place the decorations, and what to do about pictures during the happy hour, and where things would need to move, and what to do with the chairs, blahblahblah.

So, since it rained on April 17th, we had to use said contingency plan. If it hadn't rained, then my dear friends and family who were helping us set up knew exactly where things went and how they were supposed to go there. It would've been eaaaaaasy. And having all the people there to help and do things was my way of avoiding having to have a day-of wedding coordinator since Matt DID NOT WANT ONE UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES!!!!! (I did, very much so. But it kind of came down to me just not wanting to argue about it anymore. le sigh.)

However. Since we did not have a wedding coordinator, the whole using the contingency plan thing really threw us for a loop. It resulted in my friend Syd's mom stepping in as my other mom and letting everyone know this would be their last chance to ask me questions and that I had to go, right then, to eat and get all gussied up. It also resulted in my not being able to handle sentences that began with my name--because I'd been hearing "Carrie--where should..." and "Carrie--what do you think about..." alllll morning. They'd been asking me because they love me and wanted everything to be as perfect as possible, and wanted me to be happy. Everyone had the very best intentions ever!! And I really appreciate their help. But, I really did go into question-overload mode. It was kind of rough, I'm not gonna lie.

ps: this was also not helped by damn ABCO and their lack of communication which resulted in a pajama-clad Carrie throwing on clothes in the AM and rushing over to the barn because the delivery people didn't know where to put things despite previous conversations where we had hashed everything out.

So anyway, point 1)--have a full contingency plan, not just an idea of one.

2. the guests. (or lack thereof.)

I am very grateful that we had many, many of our loved ones with us that Saturday. We had people from all over the place, and I will tell you how fantastic that was in my not-so-annoyed post. :) But MAN was I annoyed about this--so...I had approximately 10 people show up for just the ceremony or not show up at all. People who had RSVP'd. One was sick. Two left their two kids at home (who were supposed to attend) and then went home right after. So that's four people total I expected that didn't stay, in that family alone. Etc.

And it's not that I am mad that they left--people have sh*t to do, I am glad they could be there at all! What I'm bummed about is that 10 people = two table rentals, two tablecloth rentals, sixteen chair rentals plus food, cupcakes and alcohol and other things like napkins, silverware, floral arrangements, etc. And for the record, these 10 people were approximately 10% of our overall attendance--so it kind of made a huge impact.

It's not that we minded paying for these things--our guests were exactly that, OUR GUESTS, and it was very important to Matt and me that our guests be well fed and that we have plenty of drinks. Which we did!! But it was frustrating that we paid for things that did not get used. And that potentially some of the people could've told us in advance.

Because it's not just a waste of money. It's a waste of resources. (wasted food, wasted cupcakes, wasted keg beer, PLUS the waste from transporting those tables and chairs and all) It might sound to you like I'm going over the top here, but since we were trying to have the most eco-friendly wedding possible--well--it was a shame that all those things went to waste. As did hundreds of dollars. Which is par for the course for weddings--people show up that didn't rsvp, people don't show up that did. But it was just a shame that we didn't know beforehand.

So, how would I have fixed it? I would've added a nice little line to our online rsvp--"number of guests for dinner." I think it would've re-iterated the point that we were buying food for every person who said they would be there. Not that it would've necessarily changed the end result--but at least then it would've been totally transparent.

3. Don't take people at their word.

It pains me to say this, but it really rings true. Y'see, I had two people promise me things/ agree to things--heck they even OFFERED them without me asking, if we're getting technical here-- and then back out at the last minute. (And if you saw on Facebook, I'm not talking about the hair lady we initially had)

Not only was that frustrating, it was just plain inconsiderate. I had agreements via email with both people, but neither of them held to it. And since in one case it was something-for-something, and in the other it was a throw-in freebie, I really can't make that big of a fuss because it's not like I was actually out money or anything. It was just an unfortunate stress, particularly the day before and day of our wedding. So that's something I would want to remember too.

all this said...

if my three biggest stresses from our wedding were that it rained and we had to change some stuff, some people didn't make good on their promises, and that we wasted money and resources on guests who for whatever reason couldn't stay for dinner & drinks? well, I still count that as a win :)

up soon--all the GOOD things!! I can't wait to tell y'all about these--some of them are pretty neato. :D I am glad to have the not-so-good off my chest so I can get to the good stuff!!


Nicole Faby said...

I had one person RSVP yes to my wedding and not show.. I no longer speak to him!! That is SUCH an inconsiderate thing to do at a wedding unless its truly something out of your hands!! Good for you for writing about the wasted resources too. I never thought of it like that!!

melissa said...

props to Syd's mom!

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