Sunday, August 09, 2009

"blue, the color of our planet from far, far away..."

~regina spektor

her new cd is kind of super awesome. I heart it.

my body's schedule is allllllllllll out of whack. I hope I get some sleep tonight! I was sleeping pretty poorly last wed/thurs/fri, and then I took a nap on friday to catch up, but then stayed out pretty late that night.

I talked to my mom on the phone until 2am. Yep, 2am.

On Friday afternoon my Aunt Carolyn, my mom's oldest sister, passed away. She was in poor shape and I haven't seen her in at least, oh, 9 or more years? She didn't want anyone to see her like that (it's a long story and too personal for the internets, but let's just say that the demons in her life took their toll, and left her much the worse for it). When I was younger I thought she was the very best Aunt a girl could ever have. We lived with her for a little while when I was probably, oh, 6? My mom was sick so she took care of us while my mom got better.

I remember making forts out of her couch cushions and her huge backyard and sleeping on those foam flip chairs. and terrorizing my poor cousin, her son. he's, what, eight years older than we are, so having two little girls at his house when he was a teenager was pretty much his worst nightmare ever. ha! :)

and there's kind of a strange thing between jonathan and my siblings. well, and memories. so, jonathan doesn't have a lot of "good" memories of his mom. his most vivid ones are of her deterioration over the past, oh 15-20 years. and he saw sides of her that I never would've even imagined, because we would come and leave, not be there day in and day out, you know?

but I looooved my Aunt Carolyn. I adored her. She was pretty fantastic.

And I was honored to be her namesake (Carolyn-> Carrie. her middle name was Mae, which is my Granny's middle name and Anna's too)

but the thing is that Jonathan? well, so you probably know that I don't have the greatest memories of my father. if this is news to you, well, trust me, you probably don't want to know the stories. but Jonathan's dad died when he was 5 (well, was murdered, another not good story you don't want to know, either) and so my dad (at my mom's insistence) would take Jonathan to go do "guy stuff" sometimes. And Jonathan just has a lot of really positive memories of spending time with my father.

It is bittersweet that we each have the "parent-ee" memories of each other's parents that we (in an ideal world) should have had for ourselves. I didn't even know how much this was the case until this weekend, honestly. But, I must say that since I *try* to remember the good about my dad, knowing how Jonathan thought of him is kind of reassuring.


okay, pulling it together now...anyway. I am not sure yet if I'm going to the funeral service in Tulsa or the graveside service in Frederick or to anything at all. Gotta talk to my boss in the AM.

for now it's time to put on the pjs, brush the teeth and cuddle with the kitties. and hope I can finish this preable and rule for phosphoric by noon. :)

I'll tell you later about the wedding this weekend--wedding 8 of 9 (not including photographing ones where we weren't friends with the bride and groom beforehand). it was SUUUUPER fun. and I had fun snapping some candids and all. and here's a fun ring shot I took, just 'cause I love it. night night.


m-m-m-melissa said...

jeez, carrie. so sad to hear about your auntie. good thoughts for you and yours, ladybug.

p.s. that pic is suuuuper cute.
p.s.s. ms. spektor really turned it out on this new album, huh? i'm diggin' it too. :)

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