Wednesday, March 18, 2009

something better than getting engaged.

let's start off with some clarifications, shall we?
a) if at any point you're offended by my post, please kindly stop making everything about you. the sun doesn't revolve around you and neither does this post. it is in no way a comment about your marriage/relationship/lesbian lover. that list is meant to be illustrative, not exhaustive. k?
b) um...I think that's it. ;)

ps: this one's for you, m.

Yesterday was Matt and my two year anniversary. As many of you know, we met on St Patrick's day, our "lucky day." It was awesome. Neither of us were looking, really. And we hit it off tremendously. We've had ups and downs like every healthy relationship does, but I'd say we're well above that seven good things for every bad thing mark that denotes overall goodness.

And I am happy. And so is Matt. And anyone who tells us differently is clearly misinformed.

But something we aren't, that seems to really kinda bug some people (and also, I must admit, occasionally me) is engaged or married. I mean, we live together (shame, shame, I know your name) and we visit each other's families for Christmas, and we have talked about it for sure, but at the end of the day? We aren't there quite yet. And most of the time we're both okay with that.

and, for the record--there are quite a few people who I genuinely appreciate their wondering/curiosity/questions. people who are my friend and who think "gosh y'all are great together, when are you making it 100% official?" that's a lot different than the "what, you're STILL not engaged?!?s" so if you're one of the former, I appreciate it. and if you're one of the latter, please leave us be. :)

And it's not like it's not in the plans some day, it's just not happening, y'know, like yesterday. So moving on...

We're attending SO many weddings this summer/fall. I'm in one, he's in one, I'm photographing three, one also as a guest. I just went to one. There are 2 in april, 3 in may, 1 in june, 1 in july, 2 in august, 1 in october. that's eleven remaining, people. ELEVEN. plus one makes a cool dozen. gracious.

and of our couple friends? of the non-marrieds/non-engaged we are generally the ones who've been dating the longest. I mean, two years is quite a while. heck, two couples getting married this year haven't even been together as long as we have. and though we are very happy for them, we don't feel any less valid or whatever just 'cause we aren't doing that part yet.

because (this is the part where you might need to go revisit item #1) I don't need or want a brand new car on my finger. not now, not ever. (vintage, please. in the I-came-from-a-pawn-shop kind of way. oh and cheap. and small. if anything) And more than that, I definitely don't want anything just 'cause someone who isn't Matt or me thinks it's about dang time. I know that for who we are, there won't be any grand gestures, and our relationship is solid. That's what matters the most to me. And those moments when I think about "hmm, they have a point..." I realize that's because I'm letting the joneses dictate what I think and feel. not me. Anyway...I'm pretty sure I had quite a few people thinking that I might have a 1990 honda on my left hand yesterday, and you know what? I think I got something better.

yesterday we went out to dinner. it was kind of awesome. and yummy. I had never had yellowtail snapper, and it was deelish. good wine. good bread. deelish apple and winter fruit crisp. and then we came home and changed into pajamas and exchanged gifts.

me? I gave matt things that came in pairs, because great things always come in pairs. Casablanca. A set of sheets (eucalyptus wood--I'll let you know how they work out). Hugs and Kisses (a'la hershey). Dinner and movie (we'll have sushi and go to a show!). Benny and Joon. And a picture of Elvis from the craft fair we visited on Saturday in Orlando--not a pair, but he did have a pair of blue suede shoes...

And he gave me a gift with the theme "commitment."

he's committed to my health--three things of sunblock (SPF 70-face, 70 body and 85 body) and zyrtec. and a tennis racket.
he's committed to my entertainment and well being--handheld tetris. pretty in pink. 27 dresses. dan in real life.
he's committed to my interests--reduce-reuse-recycle sign. conserve painting. tulips--two colors, one that matches the kitchen, so I can take pictures of them. waist band water bottle holder--so I can have a water bottle handy during my shoots.
he's committed to doing things together--he got me a tennis racket.
he's committed to making me laugh--he bought me a sock monkey jack in the box.
he's "even" committed to my cats--he got two eco-friendly cat toys.
and there was more.
and then, of course, he told me he was committed to me. :)

and I think that kind of thinking carries a whole lot more weight (for me) than jumping into things when we're just not quite to that point.

and 'cause I'm down with the listage today...other things that make me glad that, right now, we are right where we are.

-no one calls me Mrs. Anything. (I actually hate being called "Miss" too. Miss Richardson is what people would call a 5 year old on a formal invitation--I'm 28 and support myself, thanks. And Miss Carrie? kind of sounds like what happens when someone doesn't carry their baby to term)
-read the list for that gift again. what an AWESOME way of expressing that sentiment. non-traditional, creative and real. just like me. :)
-If I got engaged then I'd have to stop hanging out with all my other boyfriends. KIDDING. I only have the one. :)
-when sales people say "go home and talk to your husband" I can make them feel awkward.
-no one is pressuring us to have babies.
-I don't have to make any big life decisions right now.
-I can be a little selfish with my money and my interests.
-and I can still try to catch the bouquets at receptions.

I am sure the list of being engaged/married is potentially longer and better. I know it is/could be--I've been there, remember? But for now, I really like the list I've got. :)

ps: please excuse the quality o' the picture--my point and shoot is being persnickety. And it wasn't worth breaking out the slr.


Nick said...

At the end of the day, I'm happy for the two of you...sounds like you're in a good place, and that's all anyone can ask for. Hope all is well for my two favorite Toxic Waste teammates!

On another note, TASU is calling my name...

Sushi, sushi, sushi!!!!

Leanne said...

Gotta say, I am incredibly jealous! People are already asking for babies and we aren't even married yet. You sound so peaceful about your station in life and that thrills me. Weddings cause incredible anxiety, put it off as long as you can! ;-)

I'm also with you on the diamonds. Mine was my grandmother's earring. She lost the other one, so while it's a beautiful diamond, it was completely useless until Jarrod set it and gave it to me. I love that it is recycled. :-)

m-m-m-melissa said...

i love every single word of it. what a sweet, sweet, SWEET post. heart = warm. :)

melissa said...

i wholly endorse your brand of relationship. jewelry and state licenses do not a marriage make, anyway. those are easily undone. it's the commitment that counts, as matt so sweetly illustrated.

M. said...

Can I just say: GO CARRIE!

First of all, Benny and Joon is wonderful.

Second, I love what kind of ring you want.

Third, I have a poem for you: "to be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else is to fight the hardest battle which any human can fight; and never stop fighting" (e. e. cummings)

Way to go.

Misha said...

You know I could go on and on about this topic.

Guess what? It never ends. When you get married everyone is up in your business about getting pregnant. It and marriage is something that is your and Matt's business only.

You of all people know - Marriage is only awesome when you are in it with the right person. Marriage does not = true love.

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