so, I've been having anxiety issues recently. like, about things that don't matter or that I can't control OR about, like, continuing to stand in someone's office. it's kind of excruciating.
some things that have been on my mind recently and/or in the past and have resurfaced:
-I am afraid that when I move in with Matt they will ask me to no longer work with the youth group. Now, we're a church who has an openly gay choir director/organist who is treated 100% the same as everyone else, but he and his husband are married (well, committed to one other, whatever. let them marry already! or at least give them the tax benefits if you're too close-minded to be okay with that.) and I don't know which kind of living in sin, if either, will cause an issue.
-I am SO bothered by close-minded religious types. you're welcome to think what you like, but that doesn't mean it's right. I have explained my mindset many times. I have found something that I know is 100% right. What I don't believe is that it's the only way that's right. God is a loving God. And one who speaks to people in different ways. Why would we be so selfish as to think that our American perception of the Creator God is the only right one? We even vary so much in our different denominations--do we really think that only one of those has it right? I worry that I will be asked questions by the youth and I will have to choose between not telling the truth and telling what I think. I've already been asked about what I think of creation v. big bang or other science explanations (they SUPPORT each other, people, unless you want every single solitary detail to be 100% perfect). anyway, nervous about this too.
-my family. I am not supertogether, but no offense to anyone in it, I'm decidedly the most "together" person in my immediate family. I have a job, I can drive, I pay rent regularly and on time, I have a college degree, etc. some are behind due to years, but still. I worry about them all. the. time. It kind of freaks me out.
-closing. I have certainly made a mess of this one. A mess for the better, I truly think, but a mess. A gigantic mess. FHA is still on the way but the amount of stress from last week? No good.
-and the kicker of all--get this--I keep worrying that I'm not worried enough. like about packing. and moving. and getting things done. and furnishing the house. I figure it will all come in time and it's going to be fine. and then I'm like "oh no, should I be more concerned about getting everything packed?!?"
geez.
deep breath. I promise I'm not losing it. I'm just a leetle overloaded and stressed. :)
8 comments:
Breathe woman...everything will be alright!!!
It really will all work out. So close your eyes and breathe deeply . You will be plenty prepared for the move and even if everything doesn't go perfectly, it will all get taken care of -- and that's really all that matters. Well, that and your health, so take care of yourself sweetie!
Hang in there, it will all work out okay! As a compulsive worrier, I totally understand! Miss you!
Seriously - if you get picked on because of living with Matt, then the whole mess of them can... well, you know me well enought o know what I mean.
It'll all work out.
don't worry be happy!
dude, i understand that. once a thing or two in my life starts feeling chaotic, generally i start to panic, thinking everything in my life is out of control! just remember you are the boss!
I am so like you in this regard.... here are my two cents:
1) As far as the house buying/moving stuff, it will all get done, trust me. Just make a list and do one thing at a time. Thinking about all of it at once will get overwhelming. Make a plan. Delegate some things to Matt.
2) Remove the interior of your house from your worry list. You have got oodles of time to tackle that. Darren and I have been in our house for two years and still don't have a dining room rug or furniture! Making your house your own takes time, and there's no rush.
3) Just don't tell your youth group that you are living with Matt. Keep it private, and thus removed from the worry list.
4) As far as your religious views vs. your church's doctrine, that's a toughie. Perhaps you give both perspectives when asked specifically for your opinion(i.e. "the bible teaches us that...but I believe it's a little more grey and that....")
Anyhoo...let me know how or if I can help you at all. Or just listen!
AOT
Patty
I was really worried, when Scott and I moved in together, that it would affect my job as an elementary teacher. I understand your concern, but I can tell you that you'll be really surprised the number of people who they themselves moved in together. It's just not something that anyone really talks about. I was worried, like you, that the kids would ask since Scott is so involved with my classroom, and really, nothing happened :) Everything was fine, and I still made friends :) It's just something that can possibly make people judge you unfairly, and if you're like me, you hate to have people angry at you. I'm on your side :) If it's right it's right. And God will love you either way. :) He told me :)
Post a Comment