home is anywhere you hang your head.

~elvis costello

I live in the great state of North Carolina. Have for nearly five years. I like it here. I call it home.

The fruits of my labor, as it were, are all here. My cats, my friends, my church, my car, my shoes, my matt, my organizations, etc. There are friends who are not here and family who probably won't even come to visit, but all in all, the evidence of my past five years all exist in North Carolina.

And now, I've purchased a townhome, and as many people have said, I'm "putting down roots."

And I gotta tell you, this frustrates the hell out of me. Partially because, well, who are you to tell me what I'm doing? Why do you assume that my buying a house means that I'm going to "stay?" Stay for a while, you betcha. But that I'm going to stay? No, no thank you.

Don't get me wrong, I like it here. Right now it's my home. It IS. That's why I've elected, repeatedly, not to leave. Not yet. But I feel like some people (and honestly probably no one reading this blog!) think that just because I've made an investment in myself I've suddenly agreed to grow old and gray here, sitting on a porch swing and holding Matt's hand. While this is a pretty picture, it is not the case.

I am not done yet.
I do not plan on retiring from are-tee-eye.
I am still frustrated by the roads here.
And good gracious I miss the snow.

Nice little lesson learned, though. I need to make sure that when I'm talking to other people about their decisions (in a serious manner, that is) that I'm considerate of what I actually know v. what I would assume--that, for instance, starting a family doesn't always mean that you decided you "wanted" one (as in the sense that the pregnancy was planned v. a surprise, you still want the child, you just weren't making a concerted effort to have one right then) and things like that. Becoming boyfriend and girlfriend doesn't mean you've planned out your future forever. Etc.

Me? I feel like this is the right thing. I am buying a home. As Kara would say I'm making an investment in myself. I'm going to have a place with enough space that I don't have to consider leaving every twelve months. I'm going to get to paint the walls and have a garden and park in a garage.

But this is a decision of where to live for now, not for ever. I'm just choosing to live somewhere that benefits me, I'm not rooting myself to this state. It makes it feel like this already gigantic decision has become colossal, and that is just not the case.

anyway, venting. I'm totally stressed and kind of had a mini breakdown yesterday, so perhaps I'm a wee bit sensitive. Or, I'm just not a fan of broad statements. I think it's the latter with a side of the former. And I want a nap.