what gives?

so, I'm in a complain-ee moody. because I'm exhausted. i know that my problems aren't big in the grand scheme of things, but right now I just don't understand.

what is it about human beings that makes them think it's okay to play favorites, to be inconsiderate, to change their feelings on a whim? to be unkind to others, and to just be so damn rude. and blatant. rude and blatant.

sigh.


i consider myself to be fortunate, and to have many friends. but as of late a few of these friends seem to wake up one day and say in a chipper-but-somehow-also-delusional-voice, "hey, you know what? today's the day that I'm going to start behaving differently to carrie. let's see if she notices, and how long it takes her before she's not so interested in being friends anymore. ooh, that sounds fun. now, where's my how-to-be-a-bad-friend handbook?...oh, right here, next to my mean pills..." now, sometimes there's something that contributes to this issue. and sometimes it's my fault, or sometimes it theirs, or sometimes it's both of us. sometimes shit happens. but sometimes it doesn't.


now, I am not the jealous type, generally. and if I feel myself getting jealous I try to remind myself that this, too shall pass. or that I'm lucky that I have all of my arms and legs and toes in the right quantity and place, and I'm not violently allergic to or afraid of anything, and I have people who love me. But my "best friend" made a cake for another one of our friends. This is all fine. Well, except for the fact that this friend didn't even acknowledge my birthday in october. no card, no call, no nothing. The previous year we spent most of it together celebrating. And I've spent both of her birthdays with her and given her little presents to boot. I sound like a jealous seven year old, I'm sure. But it's not about the cake, it's not about the gifts, and it's not about who she gave the cake to. I mean, I like her, and I'm glad she got a cake! But it's that something has changed, and the cake baker didn't bother to tell me. Either that, or I'm being waaay too sensitive. Which, per usual, is a possibility.


and it frustrates me that people do this.


if you have a boy/girlfriend, and you don't want to see that person anymore, or you don't want to maintain the same type of relationship, you are obligated by manners and courtesy to in some way give that person the heave-ho. why does that not exist in friendship? if it's a relationship, it's taboo to quit calling or keep cancelling or file a restraining order without conveying to the person that you want your interaction with one another to change. but it's okay to do that with a friend. I mean, it's hard to say "I'm sorry, but I don't want to be your best friend anymore." But it is okay to say, "It upsets me when you do ____." Because I kind of feel like most of the time someone has upset someone else, and that's where it stems from. People grow apart, sure. But not in a short-term friendship. That takes awhile to happen, and it takes a lot of non-contact too.

and generally, friends are more crucial to your life. they're your support. your source of giggles and inside jokes and cute pictures and fashion sense and advice and cute sunglasses and hugs. yet one day they can wake up and change their mind. and slowly wear away at your patience. and your heart.


and it's weird, and it sucks, and since I can't do anything about how others behave I'm just going to not do that myself. i believe in the golden rule. i wish more people would.