my mom is very good about reminding me....

...to write stuff down.

today I donated thirty servings of my breast milk. Cleona's breast milk.

I had 85 feedings worth in my freezer when I decided to do so. I now have 62ish. So it's not like I'm up a creek from doing this. But that's nearly a gallon of milk I gave away.

I gave it to a woman I don't know--not even her name or the gender or her baby. I know the baby is four weeks-ish old and the mom was diagnosed with cancer and has started chemo. It's my understanding that that is why she cannot breastfeed.

It's her second child, so during the first two weeks she was able to build up a small supply before starting chemo. Thus far, this kiddo hasn't had formula. Moms from all over the US have shared and sent their milk so that this child can have it because that's what the mom had wanted to do so much.

I find this amazing. And such a testament to the power of women.

My mom reminded me that one day I'd want Cleona to know that I did this. Breastfeeding is important, in my opinion (and in science's, but moving in). I also believe that giving to others is important.

But this gift was not without guilt--because what if my supply dried up next week?! Thirty feedings would last six days! That's almost another week.

I did it because I can.
I did it because I believe a woman who would ask for this kind of help would do it for another if the situation were reversed.
And I did it because I can't help but think that it is one shining star in this mom's life right now knowing that her child is being fed so well, and that the baby is getting a stronger immune system because of mommies all over.

In a few weeks, if my supply holds up and she needs it, I hope to be able to give more. Though it has caused some difficulties for both Cleona and me, I am grateful that I have milk aplenty and was able to share. :)

things I did not want to learn today...

1. Cleona's most recent record for how many times in one day she can pee on her outfit during a diaper change, necessitating a new diaper and new clothes (answer: three in 16 hours.)

2. What to do when you go to put clothes in the drier and realize that a diaper made its way into your washing machine. (They are re-washing now. I'll weigh in on the method used when I'm done). Oh and did I mention I found this out at 1250 am, after staying up to finish her Halloween costume? And that the only pair of jeans that fits me is in that load?! Love it that I have umpteen in the next size down and ONE of these.

to end on a positive note, for the last three nights (or is it four?) Cleona has slept for nine hours straight. I don't know what we are doing to cause this, or if its just happenstance, but still. She was sleeping seven before, and removing the rest of the incline in her bassinet brought it to nine. It's super fab and I feel really fortunate and hope she keeps this up! And I really appreciate the "mommy gift." :)

"cultivate flowers."

...continued from the previous post, with an update...

On Saturday my adorable gal was my wedding reception date! Matt got to come for just a little while but had to leave to okay soccer. The reception was for my good friend Gurdas. He was married in India to a really fantastic gal! I feel honored to have helped him in the ring-buying process (I'm a professional hand model, don't you know?!) and it was great to be there today!

And then on my way home I thought about how cool it was that I knew him. And not just because he's such a phenomenal person (though he is!) but because of how we became friends. In a grad school class I mentioned that I might like to find some people to work with on homework and whatnot. The professor suggested I stay after class and if anyone was interested to come talk to me. I expected no takers as I was a part time student and everyone seemed to know one another. But this fellow in a turban came to introduce himself to me...and the rest is history :) For some reason something that sticks in my mind about becoming friends with Gurdas is the day that our professor asked a question in class and immediately followed with--"but Carrie and Gurdas can't answer any more questions" because he and I had been answering them all! I loved how we were both so pleased to have been silenced, and how it showed how well we worked together!

Anyway...it just goes to show how friends can be found in the most unexpected of places! And I am so grateful to have celebrated with him today! He and I both became part of a family of three within a few weeks of one another--him by marriage, me by giving birth, and I think that's extra fun too! :)

and then today...I attended a memorial service for a 21 year old, Kyle, who had some physical and mental disabilities. He passed unexpectedly on Thursday. I didn't know him very well, but I remember that every time I saw him he made me smile--he knew my face and my name (which I learned tonight was because he loved to study the church directory) and he was always glad to see people he knew!

During today's service a man got up to speak during the memories-of-Kyle's-life portion of the service. He said he wanted to come up to the front and see everyone's faces--he wanted to see Kyle's flowers. He explained that his granddaddy had taught him that in life you need to cultivate flowers. That you need to have a whole garden.

I can guarantee this image will stick with me for the whole rest of my life.

If you are reading this, there's a very good chance that you are one of my flowers. (and thank you ever so kindly for that!)  My friends are my flowers. Gurdas is one of my flowers. Matt and Cleona are my flowers, too. Jennifer and I talked about this briefly tonight before our amazing six plates date, and said how it's a much better phrase than "collecting people." She and I have realized that unlike many of our other friends, we "collect" people everywhere we go--aka we make new friends (but keep the old) everywhere we go. We don't know why and we don't do it on purpose--we just do. But now we are going to call it collecting flowers. :) And it makes me envision a flowerbed full of lilies and daisies and venus fly traps and pea shoots and basil plants and orchids and cacti and who knows what else. I think I might just have to paint it. If you'd like to request to be a certain type of flower, let me know. :) (Cleona will be a Petunia, just FYI)

a third of cleona's life ago...

we went to a lactation consultant. I mentioned it briefly in my oh-yeah-and-I-had-a-baby post.

I suppose I should say--if you don't like hearing about boobs or breastmilk, or rather if you don't like hearing about boobs in the context of breastmilk, then this is a post you should skip. Well, until the picture. begin reading there. Moving on...

So, at that point we found out I was dealing with two issues--an oversupply of milk and a forceful letdown. I was (and am) grateful for too much milk rather than two little--though now we are up to 72 frozen feelings of milk. The forceful letdown means for Cleona it's like drinking from a fire hydrant at the beginning. Awesome, right? The problem is solved by pumping a bit before I feed her--which is a pain in the rear BUT has such a positive effect it's worth it. And that's part of how I've built up my supply. And did I mention I'm grateful for our upright freezer?!

Anyway. We went to the LC because CeeCee would only latch right in the football hold. Lets just say that everything else did damage. Turns out the two things were related...and that we needed to do angled football hold, feed her upright (like she was sitting up) or feed lying down. And maybe, just maybe, some day other positions might be possible.

Well today my little petunia successfully fed in the cradle position!!!! It was kind of fantastic to see that work and expand our options!

Changing topics....which you'll have to see in another post because blogger didn't cooperate....

maternity leave...

Is both awesomesauce and frustrating.

Let me be clear--I LOVE being home with this adorableness all day long--even when she isn't being adorable.

But daaaang sometimes I just want to, say, take a shower when *I* want. Or eat when I'm hungry. Or take the night off. Not so awesome.


Also not awesome? Vaccines. The vaccines they wanted to give her today required SIX different pieces of paper, two representing multi-vaccines. UGH. We are giving her all of her vaccines but at a delayed pace--because I'm a grown up and I wouldn't let them give ME that much at once!!

another adventure in parenting...

Cleona poops. Just FYI. That's the topic here.

That and the quick change.

It's 5am. I'm holding her while Matt prepares to change her. And Cleona poops three times why I am holding her. There's a blowout.

I go to get a new sleeper and discover there's a wet spot on my leg. Time for fresh pj shorts! I bring back the sleeper, sit down and discover there's a wet spot on my tank top too. Time for a fresh one of those.

I pump and feed (forceful letdown coping mechanism!) and she is still hungry. I go to pump on the other side and cold milk (from a previous pumping) somehow comes out of the pump and gets all over my tank!

yaaay fun. Three changes in total, lucky us.

Oh and tonight's second sleeper has an extra snap. So random. I think it is from Canada. (Yes, really)

a little over the top perhaps...

but you know how sometimes the universe seems to be showing you that you're doing something right? well, I kind of feel like its reaffirming my maternity leave choices.

y'see, I am off through the end of december. for lots of reasons not worth listing right now, but all are extremely logical. also, after finding out we were pregnant we saved enough to pay our mortgage for three months and then some. but then we bought a car, and a little savings went to that, and then we found ourselves with a car payment we hadn't been planning on when we saved cashola for my leave. we knew it would all work out and all bills would get paid, we just might not put a dent in our debt. anyway.

so, fast forward to now....and since late september...photography is, once again, going gangbusters. I have booked a newborn, a first year package, two weddings, six family sessions, a lab shoot (which will have follow up work), an engagement and had three people ask about minis. It makes me think of earlier this year when I took a leap of faith and bought my worth-an-old-Honda camera and suddenly so many opportunities appeared before my very eyes.

thank you, universe.

also, this surge in photography is totally making me want to consider going back to work part time. that might not be in the cards...but even working only four days a week and doing photography work the fifth day would be pretty spectacular :)

adventures in parenting, take one.

It's 450 am, everyone is fast asleep. Periodically baby girl squirms and grunts and dad lightly snores.

Cue high pitched screaming noise from baby. Parents wake in panic, turning every single light in the room in the process. Mom grabs baby from bassinet and holds her upright.

Baby seems to be out of it, but fine. Everyone breathes a sigh of relief.

Time for a diaper change and feeding now that she's up...three minutes later...

Dad grabs the diaper-changing stuff, puts baby girl on waterproof pad, the unzips cute gray and like green zebra sleeper with ruffles on the butt. He un-fastens the tabs, folds the diaper under and begins wiping. There's a little passing of gas, followed by projectile poop! It's everywhere--all over the waterproof pad, the floor, the bedspread and the dad! Pandemonium ensues as parents try to manage the still-flying stream of poop and clean the affected areas.

Throughout it all, baby girl smiles, coos and looks cute.

--------

I told her she didn't need to do all this to get us to feed her--some simple fussing would suffice. :)

This is the second projectile poop of the day. Apparently we need to rethink our diaper changing strategy?!

--------

Also, earlier this week (and don't worry this one doesn't involve poop!) Matt was holding her while I got ready to feed (I have to pump before I feed). She was squirming a little and flailing her arms, hitting him in the face/chin.

Matt said "c'mon, punch me!"

Cleona stayed still.

Again--"c'mon, punch me!"

She gently lifted her arms like she was conducting and orchestra.

A third time, still nada. I said "check out this kid, not punching you when you ask. She has such timing!"

And this is when she punched him in the face.

i love baby snuggles.

And they are what's getting me through this.

Cleona fed from 4-7am. I had a breakdown. Matt came home after teaching so he could watch her while I slept. This was NECESSARY. And I am grateful.

When he came to wake me so I could shower before the KD event (I'm an advisor and really needed to be there) he put Cleona down beside me to be cute since we were both wearing while. Immediately he said "wow, this is the calmest she has been in the last hour!"

Oh, the power of the momma. :)

We decided to try to nurse side-lying. And let me tell you--it combines cuddles AND relaxing. We will totally do it again.

Time for sleeping now. Fingers crossed that the growth spurt is coming to an end!

okay, really?!

This growth spurt is turning me into a sleepy, punchy monster.

Also Auntie Jen and I said the Fresh Prince of Bel Aire theme song to Cleona in a storytelling voice today. It was fabulous. You should try it.

This lack of sleep is making me punchy. I feel drained. Literally AND figuratively. Cleona had been sleeping until some time between 5 and 6 most days. Now she is up at 4. She is overtired and so am I. :( if she wakes up at 8 again we are all in big trouble.

holy crazy growth spurt, batman!

On the second night after coming home from the hospital (so Sunday night) Cleona cluster fed. She ate about every 45-70 min for four hours. It meant she slept/stopped for like 10-30 min each time before wanting to eat again. It was AWFUL. Thankfully, the pedi told us how to get her to do that in the day instead of the night. Plus I knew how much she needed it, and my milk was coming in, so it was tolerable.

She has had a couple of growth spurts now but this one takes the cake. LOTS of feeding. Last night she basically fed for 2.5 hours straight. I'm blogging at 6am because she just finished feeding from ~440 until now. CRAZY.

I need a nap. Hopefully she is done for real and I can get some sleep.

Also, if I needed motivation to learn to nurse on my side, this is totally it. YAWN.

since all I can talk about is babies...

I'm going to talk about not-babies. Ready?

Even more so than I was before, I am OBSESSED with sparkling water. I found a local farmer who makes syrups to put in unflavored sparkling water, and I have an actual bevy of flavors of l@ croix waters too. Yes, I said bevy.

I am currently reading aloud to the smallest person in our household (I avoided the word baby, SEE?!?!)  I was going to read her Charlotte's Web since it was once upon a time my very favorite book, and was also the first chapter book I read by myself. (an aside--I read the book in like a week in first grade. we were supposed to read along with the class. and I got in TROUBLE for being ahead in reading. this was a trend. third grade, fifth grade, tenth grade...and many times between, I am sure. learning faster than your classmates is, apparently, horrid at TPS. yeah, yeah, I get the whole discipline part of things, but for reals?!)

However...I couldn't find my copy or get one for my kindle. And I chose it because of the awesome vocab in it. So instead? Bill Bryson's A Short History of Nearly Everything. Terribly sciencey, a huge vocab used in the book and right now? She doesn't care. So I'm reading it. And omitting his cussing. :)

Oh, remember this? Yeah, I am crazy obsessed with mellowcreme pumpkins right now. Like, I've eaten four bags (with help) since they  came out.

The other night, I ate a whoopie pie, had a glass of wine and held the smallest human in the house. And I talked about mason jars. It was like I suddenly became southern.

BOULEVARD WHEAT is HERE, friends! In one year my fave icecream AND fave beer arrived in my state. Not to mention my favorite daughter, favorite aunt, favorite in-laws, favorite all sorts of things. I probably sounded like a raging alcoholic when I expressed my enthusiasm...and since buying it have had one beer. But seriously....it's imported from KANSAS :) And it makes me happy. Mission for tomorrow: buy a lemon and REALLY have one!

I am such--nay, SUCH--a mom. It took me forever to come up with things to mention so as to avoid discussing breastmilk and pumps and bottles and pumping bras. And that's just the list on a single subject!

oh, the cuteness.

Sometimes I lose track of time just staring at this cuteness. Sometimes I forget the outside world entirely.

I feel like maybe the sleep deprivation has something to do with it. But I also know I get more sleep than most. She's sleeping 6 hour stretches most nights, which is freaking fantastic! I never knew I'd be so grateful for six hours of sleep!

But anyway, back to the cuteness...

so, when I wrote last....

I was probably in early labor (and didn't know it).

Cleona was still in my belly, my feet were horribly swollen and I weighed 22 more pounds.

The shot glasses in our house were very rarely used. 

Now....

She is here and five and a half weeks old! (labor story, pictures, etc to follow)

I am only 5 lbs over my pre-pregnancy weight wit with basically no effort-and was at week 3 (don't hate me). Apparently most of my weight that wasn't baby/placenta/fluid was retained water!

I have used every single shot glass in our house. Yep, all of em. For feeding her breastmilk when I pump before feeding (this is unusual, I will explain later)


She is sleeping so that means I need to sleep too. More soon (for realizes, before I forget it all!)

I gave up on the thirty in thirty.

sorry. I wanted to do it, really I did. And I am enjoying reading what others are writing. But I'm not gonna go back and catch up, and what I *really* want to be doing isn't blogging a 30 in 30.

I need to blog the rest of our weeks over here...

and I wanna make more of these. (which I'm selling some of here)

and I wanna nap every chance I get. :)

I also have two books I want to finish (one about breastfeeding--I'm on "natural law" 5 of 7! and the second in the Deborah H@rkness series) 

and I have aspirations of finishing the crib skirt tonight! (we'll see if that happens. it's not urgent. she won't stay in there for months, anyway!)

and I think I'd like to find/create an end-of-pregnancy-blog-summary thing to do. maybe? maybe.  we shall see.

also, things I might be discussing soon:

birth plans
flower pictures
placenta encapsulation
sewing
when you become a mother (hint: the answer is not, IMHO, when you give birth!)
aaaaaand a recipe.

yep. I know you're waiting with bated breath :)

thirty things in august. eleven.

ten pet peeves...

1. pronouncing basic words incorrectly (e.g. "axe" instead of "ask" or "warsh" instead of "wash")

2. talking in the theatre. :)

3. not using "I" sentences when confronting someone. (e.g. "I feel that..." instead of "you...")

4. saying "I'm sorry you're upset." ooooh this one burns my grits.

5. dishonesty.

6. copy cats.

7. not sharing.

8. people who cut in line.

9. people who don't use their turn signals. (seriously hate this)

10. making assumptions.

thirty things in august. ten.

describe your most embarrassing moment.

I'm sure I have one. It's not coming to me, though. I put my foot in my mouth a lot. I used to say I was horribly humiliated when, at the age of 3, Anna decided to jump into a mall fountain and we had to walk around in the Arizona heat until she was dry, and we were dressed just alike.

If I come up with something better I'll share...right now...I got nothin'.

thirty things in august. nine.

list ten people who have influenced you and describe how.

(in no particular order)

1. my mother. my super-hippie, far-out-saying mother. I could say so much--but instead I'll just leave it at: she encouraged me to be me, taught me to be compassionate toward others, and urged me to achieve everything I possibly could. :)

2. my grandmother. I kind of want to give her a papercut and pour lemon juice on it at this very moment (oh, family) but I know that in the grand scheme of life, I am fortunate to have had such a wonderful relationship with her. she taught me to live like you're wealthy while spending like you're poor, and always encouraged generosity.

3. my k@ydee sisters. all of them. each of them. individually, collectively. I am SO thankful for them every single day.

4. sterling. I met him in first grade. he was my first kiss and first boyfriend. and he understands my particular brand of crazy. :) he has always encouraged me to pursue art (at one point going so far as to tell me that I should put down the camera and pick up a paint brush--and not pick up the camera again until I'd painted my 100th painting. he took that back, eventually...) and reminds me of my roots.

5. jessica and renee. though they influence me individually, I talk of them collectively, because that's how we roll. they taught me the importance of making new friends but keeping the old. they have been there for me in the rockiest times of my life. and they listened when I shared physics lessons with them while driving around a curve, or told them of the wonders of fluid dynamics--which pretty much taught me what a true friendship is. :)

6. my youth leaders. I had one influence me in a very positive way and another in an extremely negative way. Jenny encouraged me to learn more, to embrace my inquisitiveness and to be fun even when things were not so fun. David was...well, a lot of negative words come to mind. I think the most valuable lesson he taught me was to trust my gut--it was right about him and has been right about a lot of things since.

7. my science teachers, particularly mrs. vincent, my 3rd grade science teacher and mrs. wakeley, my 6th grade science teacher. they both shared their love of science, which is what sparked and kindled *my* love of science. mrs. vincent gave me an award that ultimately set me on my career path (I got to attend a science camp at TU on scholarship because I was the best science student for my grade that year--and the award usually went to a guy, so that was pretty kickin too) and referred me for an AWESOME tutoring job when I was a senior in college. mrs. wakeley and I still communicate--our families got to know one another well when her son was on my brother's soccer team and they became good friends. I think mrs wakeley is what really made me feel like I could positively benefit the environment. The seed was there, but the earth club, which she oversaw, was what really solidified it for me.

8. my granddaddy. he taught me the value of patience, of puns, of surprises and of kindness.

9. mrs benson. she taught me to write and write well. and instilled a confidence in me for which I'll always be grateful. and would make me blush or make me frustrated on purpose, which helped me take things more lightly in the long run.

10. my fabulous husband. matt has encouraged me in so many facets of my life. which is exactly what a husband should do, yes? he supports it all--I mean, this is the man who said of our trip to Italy that the only souvenir he wanted, really, was the pictures that I would take while we were there. If we left with nothing else, that would still be plenty for him. He supports and encourages me and praises my accomplishments.

thirty things in august. eight.

five passions that I have...

hmm. not sure how to answer this one. I'm going to go with five things about which I am passionate.

1. inclusivity. I don't care for groups/events/etc that exclude others. (yes, I'm aware that I am in a sorority. I have a long answer about why this is okay. I'll explain in person if you wanna know) This is totally my mother's fault, and I think I am a better person for it. I want everyone to have the opportunity to participate, because I don't want anyone's feelings to get hurt.

2. the environment. climate change is real, folks. and there's a LOT we could be doing to help ourselves out in the long run. when asked about my political opinions, I would probably say that 75% of my choices depend on the candidate's environmental views/policies. It is a BIG deal to me.

3. art/creativity. I could talk about this for a long time. this includes music too. we need to encourage and support it.

4. eating local. SO easy to do. so much better for the environment. SO much better for you. and keeps money in your area. do it!

5. beer. need I say more? :)

thirty things in august. seven.

what is my dream job and why?

if mine paid a little better and I had an office and a room I could use as a studio at home, I think this would be it.

I love my day job. LOVE. I am doing something worthwhile, I help make the air we breathe cleaner, my company has an excellent vision (and actually follows it) and my coworkers are great! I wish I had an office and I wish I got paid a little more. But my job makes my heart happy, so I'll take it.

And my on-the-side job, photography? Yep, it's pretty kickin too!

I tell people that in ideal-land I would work at my engineering job part time. 3 or 4 days a week. And do more photography. But I don't really want to do just one or the other! I love them both!

So how lucky am I that I'm kind of livin' my dream, hmmm?