Monday, August 05, 2013

it's not that I don't want to write on here....

it's just that it's not highest on the list. and the book of the face serve the same purpose in some ways.

and I'm not sure who even reads this :)

the last two weeks have gone like so:

-my little petunia got two more teeth. on the same day.
-I had a busy week--alumnae chapter things, softball, etc
-Saturday we hung out at the Picc's--bruschetta, paleo tacos, beer in the back yard while our girls played in the pool and crafting = awesome.
-Sunday AM, while preparing for early brunch with the Kocises, I hurt my back. We now know its a herniated disc. :( that day I wore my brace, the Sullivans watched her and we went carseat shopping.

At 5am Monday morning there was an "incident" involving passing out and vomiting and turning a crazy pale green color. It was bad. Poor Cleona Was crying in her crib as all this happened, it was not good. We went to the doc ASAP on Monday morning.

last week:
-laid low
-avoided activities
-was a "squatter" in a standing cube
-slept as much as possible
-took a lot of ibuprofen.

and now:

I'm still in the back brace
Our dining table is now in the basement
And I could use a nap. :)

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

it's probably a little ridiculous...

but I'm thinking about moving churches because of the "pictoral directory."

well, sort of.

I live a ways from my church. 20 minutes on good days. 30-35 minutes on bad ones.

The times slots that we could legitimately take are the evenings and weekends. Evenings, though, are pretty much out. We don't have an hour to spend in the car with Cleona. Besides that, it's our only time with her during the week, really, and I'm not spending it taking pictures I don't want, after which they'll try to convince us to spend money we don't have on images we don't like. Right.

And then there are weekends. Which, again, not really how I want to spend my time. Yes, it's once every two years. And yes, I know it's nice or whatever, but really?! so I asked if we could send in a picture so we could at least be included. The answer is no.

I'm also disappointed from a while ago--because Cleona's birth? NOT IN THE CHURCH BULLETIN UNDER "Joys." That one actually stung. They didn't put it in the email to the congregation either. Evidently there are "too many concerns" to fit the joys. I would think that kind of a ratio would be all the more reason to include the joys. Right?

But most of all, I want Cleona to grow up going to church. And going there regularly. And if it's somewhere between 20 and 35 minutes away...and add to that how we'd like to move in the not too distant future, and how it's likely we'll be moving in the wrong direction, well....yeah.

So I might be looking.

I mean, I love my church. I love being in the choir. And there are some really fantastic people...but maybe it's not right for me anymore?

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

if you had told me...

Monday, April 15, 2013

two hundred and thirty four.

tonight I am sleeping in my own bed. our nice king bed. all by myself.

matt is sleeping in cleona's room. she is sick and fussy and needs attention. so she gets it.

but tonight is noteworthy because its the first night I won't be sleeping in the same room as her. which is very freeing and also makes me tear up a little.

I hear a lot of moms lament how their baby is growing up...but that's not what tugs at my heart strings. I mean, I'm really looking forward to her being five. and eight. And even fifteen!

It's just...I miss her. I like having her near me. She will just get a few extra kisses when she wakes up to nurse. :)

Monday, March 18, 2013

gobi leroy.

tomorrow I will have more to say.
tonight I just have to write, just for a moment.
I lost a friend today.
I know it sounds silly, but he was my friend.

he was there when I had no friends in the state where I lived, and there as I've cultivated my local flowers, so to speak.

He loved heights, especially the top of banisters and the china cabinet. He LOVED being outside and rolling around on cement. He would "flop" for me, where I would pet him and pet him and pet him until he would flop on his side in delight. He would always try to lick my forehead. I told myself that meant that he loved me too.

he has seen me through a divorce, a marriage, two sinus surgeries, a colorectal surgery, pregnancy and birth. Gobi would cuddle with me when he knew I was sad. I know I posted about how I think he and Hazel were trying to help "small fry" in my belly.  He has lived with me in every place I've been in NC--all five of them. He was kind and loving and very protective of me. I know you fellow pet lovers understand--Gobi was my furry child. I raised him from a teeny tiny kitten on. His meow caught my attention at the shelter and I heard it every day.

He didn't like Hazel at first, but eventually they became fast friends. I can tell she misses him already.  We cuddled a lot tonight.

He was even good to my daughter. She would pull on his fur (because six month olds don't do anything gently!) but he would let her. He protected her. He was jealous of her but knew she was important to me.

I got twice as long (and more) with that cat as they estimated. The problem was his heart. A good friend said today that perhaps he also lasted so long because of his heart--the metaphorical one. :)

I'll add a picture tomorrow.

Saturday, February 23, 2013

after having been a momma for six months I can confidently tell you....

nothing can prepare you for it.
it is incredible. in a way I cannot truly articulate.
I hope to do it again. more than one more time.
it is difficult and stressful and exhausting.
and it is the best decision I've made to date.

happy half birthday little petunia!

Monday, February 11, 2013


is not for the faint of heart.
or those who require copious amounts of sleep.

except maybe it is. you could argue that I fell into the above categories. and I'm told it is terribly obvious--I absolutely adore being a momma.

this little girlie sure is hilarious! her giggles are infectious and practically EVERYONE notices her everywhere she goes. we went out to brunch today with a lovely gift certificate (thanks grandmom and pop pop!) and I kid you not---people were stepping up to our table to make googley eyes at my baby girl. she shares her smiles and smizes and winks!

I am trying to teach her to high five. in twelve days she will get her first solids--my plan is local sweet potatoes! She can almost sit on her own!

Everyone laments how Cleona is growing too fast....but little CeeCee isn't doing that--she's growing so wonderfully! And it's so fantastic seeing her change and develop! I am impressed with her, proud of myself for growing her and feeding her and totally in awe.

She is still teeny--in the 13lb range. I bet she will get to 14 for her next appt later this month. The RSV/bronchiolitis set her back a little weight wise too. But she is strong, smart and observant!

Last thing--one of her favorite things that I do is return her smile. Sometimes she scrunches up her face with her eyes closed tight and then opens her eyes while letting her whole face explode into a grin. She LOVES it when I do that to her! It makes her smile all the way to her little tiny toes! :)

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

a really awful adventure

suffice it to say: sick babies are no fun.

Cleona is sleeping in her carseat. She visited the doctor twice in under 24 hours. This is breaking my heart.

And to top it all off, I have a plugged duct. I think it's getting better. I hope.

Also I just learned that you can nurse an infant who is sleeping in a carseat, especially if the carseat is located in a co sleeper.

No amount of concealer will hide my dark circles tomorrow. And no amount of coffee will wake me up. I am (mostly) okay with that.

Welcome back to work, Momma. Good think this cute kiddo is worth it!

Sunday, January 13, 2013


I was thinking of starting a new book. Perhaps the third in the girl who kicked the hornets nest or whatever.

Which led me to think of books I read this year....

3/4 of the Game if Thrones Books (really 3.25 of 5 I think, since he wrote the fifth)

The second Agent X/ Bricklayer book

3/4 of Charlotte's Web aloud to Cleona.

Natural Hospital Birth (SO glad I read this)

Breastfeeding Made Simple

Most of Ina Mae's book

About 30 pages of Happiest Baby on the Block and like four other baby books

A good bit of The Vaccine Book

And I think one more.

I miss reading! And I think I might have to stop buying paper books because I usually only have one hand to hold a book--so kindle ones are better! Plus I FINALLY have a Durham Library Card so I can rent ebooks!

PS: ebooks autocorrects to Ebola!

Friday, January 11, 2013

my how you have grown

I have a four and a half month old! More than a third of a year old! Wow!

She reached for my glasses, pulled them off and then did this.

Also, being a working momma is HARD. I'm at 75% and its hard. I think I average six real hours of sleep a night because I'm always waking to check on her at like 2am.

Work is like so:

10/1015 arrive, having dropped her off and pumped on the way there
1145 leave to feed her
1230 return
330-400 pumpity pump pump
530 or so head out.

Except I've had to stay later three times in the past six workdays. And worked at home tonight.

I'm definitely losing it a little. Thank goodness she is cute! And gave me the chance for some real sleep last night!!

Saturday, December 29, 2012


occasionally, as a parent, I feel like a super-fool. okay more than occasionally. but still.

this means that our moments of brilliance must be celebrated!


the last five nights have been hellish. we have been woken up at crazy friggin hours. travel is certainly a member of the "to-blame" party. additionally we switched swaddles midweek for safety's sake (girlfriend is rolling over both ways and was freaking me out with her middle of the night back arching on her side). and Cleona was sleeping in a borrowed pack n play. we are 98% sure someone let their kiddo continue to play in it when they were well past the weight limit--the hard bottom/pad was more than a little curvy.

Also important to note: I slept for 3.5 total hours last night.

Thus, we are in survival mode. We decided this AM that if Cleona woke, after two pacifier attempts I would nurse her. Regular schedule be damned. Also, I suggested that perhaps she should sleep in our (full size) bed the whole night--I usually pull her in with us after the first AM feeding and she sleeps soundly then.

Matt took it one step further and suggested he sleep on the couch so Cleona and I could have plenty of space.

So far, so good. It's definitely going better than last night. Full update is forthcoming.

Saturday, December 22, 2012

I considered today...

The last "real" day of maternity leave. Just Cleona and me....

We snuggled until 910.
We got clean. (And then I put on pjs again!)
We ate a lot. And played. And ate. And rolled. And napped. And are.
We also did laundry, arts and crafts and worked on refinancing our house.

It was truly delightful. I am SO sad to be going back but excited to see adults, to make (more) money (than I do with photography) and grateful to be starting back part time so I can spend more time with my late-sleeping petunia.

Thursday, December 13, 2012

a little letter

dear cleona,

tomorrow you will be sixteen weeks old. sixteen amazing, frustrating, wonderful, sleepy, cuddly, fantastic and unbelievable weeks. arguably the very best sixteen weeks of my life.

In my life I have accomplished many things I've been proud of--I was second in my class. I received the highest achievement a Girl Scout can be awarded, was a Top Ten Freshman and also was selected as one of only ten women in my collegiate year to receive the highest honor a KayDee can. These are kind of big deals.

you, little girl, are bigger. you are the very best, most amazing thing I've ever done.

I look at your sweet eyes and amazing expressions and delicate hands and it makes me teary and smile ear-to-ear at the same time.

people told me that having you out of my belly would sometimes make me sad because I wasn't the only one who really got to interact with you. people told me I'd be sad to share you. they were sadly mistaken.

my favorite smile in the world is yours. my second favorite smile in the world is the one that your daddy makes at your when you smile at him.

you have the sweetest laugh I have ever heard. it looks like we made a great decision with your name--because every description I've heard of your great, great, great aunt, both of our namesake, includes that she had a delightful laugh. I love it that you do too.

I can't wait to see what hand you write with. And what color your eyes will be (your PopPop and Auntie Nicole think they will stay blue!). And what your first word will be. I can't wait to teach you what kindness is, and the names of colors, and how to throw a softball. I hope you like soccer because I can't wait to see Matt teach you how to play. I can't wait for you to learn to read, either. I've been reading Charlotte's Web (the copy from your fab godmother/auntie Jen) to you and A Short History of Nearly Everything because I want your vocab to be amazing. :)

One of my very favorite things is how much you like to be near me. It makes every late night, every worry, every time you make a mess everywhere and even the way you were born with your hand by your face and how you made me push for four hours totally, completely worth it. I love that you sleep best when we cuddle in the morning. You've started reaching out your feet and hands to make sure I'm still there. It is just wonderful.

you get dozens of kisses every day. your daddy and I find a delight in you that I cannot even articulate. I really do love you with all of the love in the world.

~your lucky, lucky momma

Thursday, November 29, 2012

when it happened...

I was actually about to brag on Cleona and say to the FB world--"look how good at this I'm getting!" I was about to upload this pic.

And then, out of the corner of my eye, I saw her roll over to her left!!

I put her back on her belly and she rolled to her right. So I put her back up again and after a few she rolled to her left--and I got a video!!!!

She did it for us one more time tonight--and rolled to her right. 

This kiddo is impressing the hell out of me! And doing pretty awesome by developmental chart standards ;) (

Super proud mom over here! Way to go my little petunia!!!

Sunday, November 25, 2012

all before noon I...

-fed Cleona four times (counting the 3am feeding)

-bathed Cleona


-put away a load of dishes and reloaded the dishwasher

and got ready for a photoshoot. I felt very accomplished! Matt wasn't feeling so hot...which seems to happen after Thanksgivings in Augusta--not due to the food but prob due to him overdoing it! So during that time I also made arrangements for Auntie Jen to take care of Cleona during my shoot--and she had a great time, see? :) they walked around Umstead and had a delightful time! Cleona definitely loves nature!

Saturday, November 24, 2012

this photo is of terrible quality.

but it's the best thing I've seen in days.

we've been in augusta visiting the frys. Cleona has had a grand old time seeing her cousins. But her sleep schedule is meeeeeesssssed up. Travel + growth spurt + crazy stimuli = bad news bears.

Wednesday night she woke at 1230, 440, 700 and 1000.

Last night she would.not.go.down. I think a little of it may have been that we forgot to tell some people about her just-before-sleeping cries. But she didn't nap during the day until 4pm, when she zonked out in the moby. I ate thanksgiving dinner with her strapped to my body, and then we went for a walk, too!

And then, like I sleep til Brooklyn, which apparently means 1am in Cleona time. Poor girl.

But tonight at 1025 I laid her down. And she's been asleep for two hours. And this makes my heart oh so very happy!

Saturday, November 17, 2012

the worst first yet.

Cleona has her worst first yet. I'm quite certain it isn't her worst first ever--but it's certainly no fun.

And it is a "who-can-tell-for-sure!?" thing.

She has her first runny nose (a cold?) and her first fever (nose related or from yesterday's vaccines?). It was 101 this afternoon at 99.8 later in the day. We now own infant tylenol. It took trips to two stores--the lady at babies r us talked to my like I was asking for a unicorn or the easter bunny. She said infant Tylenol doesn't exist. Clearly she is wrong. Anyway.

In any case it is no fun. For anyone. She is fussy and snotty and making the little high pitched whistle noises from dry nose yuckiness. Poor kiddo.

Hopefully she will be right as rain in time for her baptism Sunday!

Thursday, November 15, 2012

"Cleona, this is called being trendy. You'll understand when you're older."

Today I bought five pairs of skinny jeans. Two or three will be taken back. But it makes me feel SO GOOD to have pants that fit.

Y'see pregnancy kind of reorganizes your body. Things move, redistribute...etc. I think my hips got wider and I now have what I like to call "padding" on my abdomen. Except I am only a couple of pounds above my pre-pregnancy weight--so I'm sure it's the shifting of weight, yknow?

Anyway, today we visited Nicole, Sloan, Kara and Leo at the mall play area. Quite fun! And then Nicole and I went shopping. And then more shopping. And now I own skinny jeans in dark wash, tab and a purple pink. (And ones in another brand that are dark and purple pink--gotta decide)

And I feel a smidge trendy. And I'm totally okay with that.

Also, Matt has a theory about why girls fall in love with shoes...because of how moms buy clearance shoes in all sorts of colors and then have the kiddos rock 'em. I think my non-moving almost-three-month old has more pairs of shoes than her father does (not counting cleats). And my shoe collection? Lets just leave that be :)

look at her neck skillz.

we will see if this works. it's cleona's first time in the bumb0!

Monday, November 12, 2012

if it weren't so late...

I would be more eloquent. :)

We went to a rehearsal dinner. Matt stayed for the wedding. Compliments were heaped upon us. It was amazing. see: FB status (aka photo 3)

The $5 sling from the consignment sale, the one I really just bought because I liked the fabric, is awesomesauce. Additionally I kind of want to see my own sling. I think I'm gonna.

I also want a new sewing machine, an iPad mini or kindle fire (for Skype and/or facetime) and a point and shoot camera. In other words amazon will be getting serious cash from us over the next several months.

Cleona rocked the tie-dye onesie from Asheville today. Then pooped on it. And once changed, she ate and then took a delightfully cuddly nap on me. Baby cuddles make my heart sing.

And so does Cleona. She is, hands down, the very best thing I have ever done in my whole life. Just FYI.

I think when we have future kiddos I'm going to have to grow additional hearts (yes plural) to hold all the love. Mine is already bursting at the seams ;)
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