a little letter

dear cleona,

tomorrow you will be sixteen weeks old. sixteen amazing, frustrating, wonderful, sleepy, cuddly, fantastic and unbelievable weeks. arguably the very best sixteen weeks of my life.

In my life I have accomplished many things I've been proud of--I was second in my class. I received the highest achievement a Girl Scout can be awarded, was a Top Ten Freshman and also was selected as one of only ten women in my collegiate year to receive the highest honor a KayDee can. These are kind of big deals.

you, little girl, are bigger. you are the very best, most amazing thing I've ever done.

I look at your sweet eyes and amazing expressions and delicate hands and it makes me teary and smile ear-to-ear at the same time.

people told me that having you out of my belly would sometimes make me sad because I wasn't the only one who really got to interact with you. people told me I'd be sad to share you. they were sadly mistaken.

my favorite smile in the world is yours. my second favorite smile in the world is the one that your daddy makes at your when you smile at him.

you have the sweetest laugh I have ever heard. it looks like we made a great decision with your name--because every description I've heard of your great, great, great aunt, both of our namesake, includes that she had a delightful laugh. I love it that you do too.

I can't wait to see what hand you write with. And what color your eyes will be (your PopPop and Auntie Nicole think they will stay blue!). And what your first word will be. I can't wait to teach you what kindness is, and the names of colors, and how to throw a softball. I hope you like soccer because I can't wait to see Matt teach you how to play. I can't wait for you to learn to read, either. I've been reading Charlotte's Web (the copy from your fab godmother/auntie Jen) to you and A Short History of Nearly Everything because I want your vocab to be amazing. :)

One of my very favorite things is how much you like to be near me. It makes every late night, every worry, every time you make a mess everywhere and even the way you were born with your hand by your face and how you made me push for four hours totally, completely worth it. I love that you sleep best when we cuddle in the morning. You've started reaching out your feet and hands to make sure I'm still there. It is just wonderful.

you get dozens of kisses every day. your daddy and I find a delight in you that I cannot even articulate. I really do love you with all of the love in the world.

~your lucky, lucky momma

when it happened...

I was actually about to brag on Cleona and say to the FB world--"look how good at this I'm getting!" I was about to upload this pic.

And then, out of the corner of my eye, I saw her roll over to her left!!

I put her back on her belly and she rolled to her right. So I put her back up again and after a few she rolled to her left--and I got a video!!!!

She did it for us one more time tonight--and rolled to her right. 

This kiddo is impressing the hell out of me! And doing pretty awesome by developmental chart standards ;) (http://www.babycenter.com/0_milestone-chart-1-to-6-months_1496585.bc)

Super proud mom over here! Way to go my little petunia!!!

all before noon I...

-fed Cleona four times (counting the 3am feeding)

-bathed Cleona

-showered

-put away a load of dishes and reloaded the dishwasher

and got ready for a photoshoot. I felt very accomplished! Matt wasn't feeling so hot...which seems to happen after Thanksgivings in Augusta--not due to the food but prob due to him overdoing it! So during that time I also made arrangements for Auntie Jen to take care of Cleona during my shoot--and she had a great time, see? :) they walked around Umstead and had a delightful time! Cleona definitely loves nature!

this photo is of terrible quality.

but it's the best thing I've seen in days.

we've been in augusta visiting the frys. Cleona has had a grand old time seeing her cousins. But her sleep schedule is meeeeeesssssed up. Travel + growth spurt + crazy stimuli = bad news bears.

Wednesday night she woke at 1230, 440, 700 and 1000.

Last night she would.not.go.down. I think a little of it may have been that we forgot to tell some people about her just-before-sleeping cries. But she didn't nap during the day until 4pm, when she zonked out in the moby. I ate thanksgiving dinner with her strapped to my body, and then we went for a walk, too!


And then, like I said...no sleep til Brooklyn, which apparently means 1am in Cleona time. Poor girl.

But tonight at 1025 I laid her down. And she's been asleep for two hours. And this makes my heart oh so very happy!

the worst first yet.

Cleona has her worst first yet. I'm quite certain it isn't her worst first ever--but it's certainly no fun.

And it is a "who-can-tell-for-sure!?" thing.

She has her first runny nose (a cold?) and her first fever (nose related or from yesterday's vaccines?). It was 101 this afternoon at 99.8 later in the day. We now own infant tylenol. It took trips to two stores--the lady at babies r us talked to my like I was asking for a unicorn or the easter bunny. She said infant Tylenol doesn't exist. Clearly she is wrong. Anyway.

In any case it is no fun. For anyone. She is fussy and snotty and making the little high pitched whistle noises from dry nose yuckiness. Poor kiddo.

Hopefully she will be right as rain in time for her baptism Sunday!

"Cleona, this is called being trendy. You'll understand when you're older."

Today I bought five pairs of skinny jeans. Two or three will be taken back. But it makes me feel SO GOOD to have pants that fit.

Y'see pregnancy kind of reorganizes your body. Things move, redistribute...etc. I think my hips got wider and I now have what I like to call "padding" on my abdomen. Except I am only a couple of pounds above my pre-pregnancy weight--so I'm sure it's the shifting of weight, yknow?

Anyway, today we visited Nicole, Sloan, Kara and Leo at the mall play area. Quite fun! And then Nicole and I went shopping. And then more shopping. And now I own skinny jeans in dark wash, tab and a purple pink. (And ones in another brand that are dark and purple pink--gotta decide)

And I feel a smidge trendy. And I'm totally okay with that.

Also, Matt has a theory about why girls fall in love with shoes...because of how moms buy clearance shoes in all sorts of colors and then have the kiddos rock 'em. I think my non-moving almost-three-month old has more pairs of shoes than her father does (not counting cleats). And my shoe collection? Lets just leave that be :)

look at her neck skillz.

we will see if this works. it's cleona's first time in the bumb0!

if it weren't so late...

I would be more eloquent. :)

We went to a rehearsal dinner. Matt stayed for the wedding. Compliments were heaped upon us. It was amazing. see: FB status (aka photo 3)

The $5 sling from the consignment sale, the one I really just bought because I liked the fabric, is awesomesauce. Additionally I kind of want to see my own sling. I think I'm gonna.

I also want a new sewing machine, an iPad mini or kindle fire (for Skype and/or facetime) and a point and shoot camera. In other words amazon will be getting serious cash from us over the next several months.

Cleona rocked the tie-dye onesie from Asheville today. Then pooped on it. And once changed, she ate and then took a delightfully cuddly nap on me. Baby cuddles make my heart sing.

And so does Cleona. She is, hands down, the very best thing I have ever done in my whole life. Just FYI.

I think when we have future kiddos I'm going to have to grow additional hearts (yes plural) to hold all the love. Mine is already bursting at the seams ;)

my mom is very good about reminding me....

...to write stuff down.

today I donated thirty servings of my breast milk. Cleona's breast milk.

I had 85 feedings worth in my freezer when I decided to do so. I now have 62ish. So it's not like I'm up a creek from doing this. But that's nearly a gallon of milk I gave away.

I gave it to a woman I don't know--not even her name or the gender or her baby. I know the baby is four weeks-ish old and the mom was diagnosed with cancer and has started chemo. It's my understanding that that is why she cannot breastfeed.

It's her second child, so during the first two weeks she was able to build up a small supply before starting chemo. Thus far, this kiddo hasn't had formula. Moms from all over the US have shared and sent their milk so that this child can have it because that's what the mom had wanted to do so much.

I find this amazing. And such a testament to the power of women.

My mom reminded me that one day I'd want Cleona to know that I did this. Breastfeeding is important, in my opinion (and in science's, but moving in). I also believe that giving to others is important.

But this gift was not without guilt--because what if my supply dried up next week?! Thirty feedings would last six days! That's almost another week.

I did it because I can.
I did it because I believe a woman who would ask for this kind of help would do it for another if the situation were reversed.
And I did it because I can't help but think that it is one shining star in this mom's life right now knowing that her child is being fed so well, and that the baby is getting a stronger immune system because of mommies all over.

In a few weeks, if my supply holds up and she needs it, I hope to be able to give more. Though it has caused some difficulties for both Cleona and me, I am grateful that I have milk aplenty and was able to share. :)

things I did not want to learn today...

1. Cleona's most recent record for how many times in one day she can pee on her outfit during a diaper change, necessitating a new diaper and new clothes (answer: three in 16 hours.)

2. What to do when you go to put clothes in the drier and realize that a diaper made its way into your washing machine. (They are re-washing now. I'll weigh in on the method used when I'm done). Oh and did I mention I found this out at 1250 am, after staying up to finish her Halloween costume? And that the only pair of jeans that fits me is in that load?! Love it that I have umpteen in the next size down and ONE of these.

to end on a positive note, for the last three nights (or is it four?) Cleona has slept for nine hours straight. I don't know what we are doing to cause this, or if its just happenstance, but still. She was sleeping seven before, and removing the rest of the incline in her bassinet brought it to nine. It's super fab and I feel really fortunate and hope she keeps this up! And I really appreciate the "mommy gift." :)

"cultivate flowers."

...continued from the previous post, with an update...

On Saturday my adorable gal was my wedding reception date! Matt got to come for just a little while but had to leave to okay soccer. The reception was for my good friend Gurdas. He was married in India to a really fantastic gal! I feel honored to have helped him in the ring-buying process (I'm a professional hand model, don't you know?!) and it was great to be there today!

And then on my way home I thought about how cool it was that I knew him. And not just because he's such a phenomenal person (though he is!) but because of how we became friends. In a grad school class I mentioned that I might like to find some people to work with on homework and whatnot. The professor suggested I stay after class and if anyone was interested to come talk to me. I expected no takers as I was a part time student and everyone seemed to know one another. But this fellow in a turban came to introduce himself to me...and the rest is history :) For some reason something that sticks in my mind about becoming friends with Gurdas is the day that our professor asked a question in class and immediately followed with--"but Carrie and Gurdas can't answer any more questions" because he and I had been answering them all! I loved how we were both so pleased to have been silenced, and how it showed how well we worked together!

Anyway...it just goes to show how friends can be found in the most unexpected of places! And I am so grateful to have celebrated with him today! He and I both became part of a family of three within a few weeks of one another--him by marriage, me by giving birth, and I think that's extra fun too! :)

and then today...I attended a memorial service for a 21 year old, Kyle, who had some physical and mental disabilities. He passed unexpectedly on Thursday. I didn't know him very well, but I remember that every time I saw him he made me smile--he knew my face and my name (which I learned tonight was because he loved to study the church directory) and he was always glad to see people he knew!

During today's service a man got up to speak during the memories-of-Kyle's-life portion of the service. He said he wanted to come up to the front and see everyone's faces--he wanted to see Kyle's flowers. He explained that his granddaddy had taught him that in life you need to cultivate flowers. That you need to have a whole garden.

I can guarantee this image will stick with me for the whole rest of my life.

If you are reading this, there's a very good chance that you are one of my flowers. (and thank you ever so kindly for that!)  My friends are my flowers. Gurdas is one of my flowers. Matt and Cleona are my flowers, too. Jennifer and I talked about this briefly tonight before our amazing six plates date, and said how it's a much better phrase than "collecting people." She and I have realized that unlike many of our other friends, we "collect" people everywhere we go--aka we make new friends (but keep the old) everywhere we go. We don't know why and we don't do it on purpose--we just do. But now we are going to call it collecting flowers. :) And it makes me envision a flowerbed full of lilies and daisies and venus fly traps and pea shoots and basil plants and orchids and cacti and who knows what else. I think I might just have to paint it. If you'd like to request to be a certain type of flower, let me know. :) (Cleona will be a Petunia, just FYI)

a third of cleona's life ago...

we went to a lactation consultant. I mentioned it briefly in my oh-yeah-and-I-had-a-baby post.

I suppose I should say--if you don't like hearing about boobs or breastmilk, or rather if you don't like hearing about boobs in the context of breastmilk, then this is a post you should skip. Well, until the picture. begin reading there. Moving on...

So, at that point we found out I was dealing with two issues--an oversupply of milk and a forceful letdown. I was (and am) grateful for too much milk rather than two little--though now we are up to 72 frozen feelings of milk. The forceful letdown means for Cleona it's like drinking from a fire hydrant at the beginning. Awesome, right? The problem is solved by pumping a bit before I feed her--which is a pain in the rear BUT has such a positive effect it's worth it. And that's part of how I've built up my supply. And did I mention I'm grateful for our upright freezer?!

Anyway. We went to the LC because CeeCee would only latch right in the football hold. Lets just say that everything else did damage. Turns out the two things were related...and that we needed to do angled football hold, feed her upright (like she was sitting up) or feed lying down. And maybe, just maybe, some day other positions might be possible.

Well today my little petunia successfully fed in the cradle position!!!! It was kind of fantastic to see that work and expand our options!

Changing topics....which you'll have to see in another post because blogger didn't cooperate....

maternity leave...

Is both awesomesauce and frustrating.

Let me be clear--I LOVE being home with this adorableness all day long--even when she isn't being adorable.

But daaaang sometimes I just want to, say, take a shower when *I* want. Or eat when I'm hungry. Or take the night off. Not so awesome.


Also not awesome? Vaccines. The vaccines they wanted to give her today required SIX different pieces of paper, two representing multi-vaccines. UGH. We are giving her all of her vaccines but at a delayed pace--because I'm a grown up and I wouldn't let them give ME that much at once!!

another adventure in parenting...

Cleona poops. Just FYI. That's the topic here.

That and the quick change.

It's 5am. I'm holding her while Matt prepares to change her. And Cleona poops three times why I am holding her. There's a blowout.

I go to get a new sleeper and discover there's a wet spot on my leg. Time for fresh pj shorts! I bring back the sleeper, sit down and discover there's a wet spot on my tank top too. Time for a fresh one of those.

I pump and feed (forceful letdown coping mechanism!) and she is still hungry. I go to pump on the other side and cold milk (from a previous pumping) somehow comes out of the pump and gets all over my tank!

yaaay fun. Three changes in total, lucky us.

Oh and tonight's second sleeper has an extra snap. So random. I think it is from Canada. (Yes, really)

a little over the top perhaps...

but you know how sometimes the universe seems to be showing you that you're doing something right? well, I kind of feel like its reaffirming my maternity leave choices.

y'see, I am off through the end of december. for lots of reasons not worth listing right now, but all are extremely logical. also, after finding out we were pregnant we saved enough to pay our mortgage for three months and then some. but then we bought a car, and a little savings went to that, and then we found ourselves with a car payment we hadn't been planning on when we saved cashola for my leave. we knew it would all work out and all bills would get paid, we just might not put a dent in our debt. anyway.

so, fast forward to now....and since late september...photography is, once again, going gangbusters. I have booked a newborn, a first year package, two weddings, six family sessions, a lab shoot (which will have follow up work), an engagement and had three people ask about minis. It makes me think of earlier this year when I took a leap of faith and bought my worth-an-old-Honda camera and suddenly so many opportunities appeared before my very eyes.

thank you, universe.

also, this surge in photography is totally making me want to consider going back to work part time. that might not be in the cards...but even working only four days a week and doing photography work the fifth day would be pretty spectacular :)

adventures in parenting, take one.

It's 450 am, everyone is fast asleep. Periodically baby girl squirms and grunts and dad lightly snores.

Cue high pitched screaming noise from baby. Parents wake in panic, turning every single light in the room in the process. Mom grabs baby from bassinet and holds her upright.

Baby seems to be out of it, but fine. Everyone breathes a sigh of relief.

Time for a diaper change and feeding now that she's up...three minutes later...

Dad grabs the diaper-changing stuff, puts baby girl on waterproof pad, the unzips cute gray and like green zebra sleeper with ruffles on the butt. He un-fastens the tabs, folds the diaper under and begins wiping. There's a little passing of gas, followed by projectile poop! It's everywhere--all over the waterproof pad, the floor, the bedspread and the dad! Pandemonium ensues as parents try to manage the still-flying stream of poop and clean the affected areas.

Throughout it all, baby girl smiles, coos and looks cute.

--------

I told her she didn't need to do all this to get us to feed her--some simple fussing would suffice. :)

This is the second projectile poop of the day. Apparently we need to rethink our diaper changing strategy?!

--------

Also, earlier this week (and don't worry this one doesn't involve poop!) Matt was holding her while I got ready to feed (I have to pump before I feed). She was squirming a little and flailing her arms, hitting him in the face/chin.

Matt said "c'mon, punch me!"

Cleona stayed still.

Again--"c'mon, punch me!"

She gently lifted her arms like she was conducting and orchestra.

A third time, still nada. I said "check out this kid, not punching you when you ask. She has such timing!"

And this is when she punched him in the face.

i love baby snuggles.

And they are what's getting me through this.

Cleona fed from 4-7am. I had a breakdown. Matt came home after teaching so he could watch her while I slept. This was NECESSARY. And I am grateful.

When he came to wake me so I could shower before the KD event (I'm an advisor and really needed to be there) he put Cleona down beside me to be cute since we were both wearing while. Immediately he said "wow, this is the calmest she has been in the last hour!"

Oh, the power of the momma. :)

We decided to try to nurse side-lying. And let me tell you--it combines cuddles AND relaxing. We will totally do it again.

Time for sleeping now. Fingers crossed that the growth spurt is coming to an end!

okay, really?!

This growth spurt is turning me into a sleepy, punchy monster.

Also Auntie Jen and I said the Fresh Prince of Bel Aire theme song to Cleona in a storytelling voice today. It was fabulous. You should try it.

This lack of sleep is making me punchy. I feel drained. Literally AND figuratively. Cleona had been sleeping until some time between 5 and 6 most days. Now she is up at 4. She is overtired and so am I. :( if she wakes up at 8 again we are all in big trouble.

holy crazy growth spurt, batman!

On the second night after coming home from the hospital (so Sunday night) Cleona cluster fed. She ate about every 45-70 min for four hours. It meant she slept/stopped for like 10-30 min each time before wanting to eat again. It was AWFUL. Thankfully, the pedi told us how to get her to do that in the day instead of the night. Plus I knew how much she needed it, and my milk was coming in, so it was tolerable.

She has had a couple of growth spurts now but this one takes the cake. LOTS of feeding. Last night she basically fed for 2.5 hours straight. I'm blogging at 6am because she just finished feeding from ~440 until now. CRAZY.

I need a nap. Hopefully she is done for real and I can get some sleep.

Also, if I needed motivation to learn to nurse on my side, this is totally it. YAWN.

since all I can talk about is babies...

I'm going to talk about not-babies. Ready?

Even more so than I was before, I am OBSESSED with sparkling water. I found a local farmer who makes syrups to put in unflavored sparkling water, and I have an actual bevy of flavors of l@ croix waters too. Yes, I said bevy.

I am currently reading aloud to the smallest person in our household (I avoided the word baby, SEE?!?!)  I was going to read her Charlotte's Web since it was once upon a time my very favorite book, and was also the first chapter book I read by myself. (an aside--I read the book in like a week in first grade. we were supposed to read along with the class. and I got in TROUBLE for being ahead in reading. this was a trend. third grade, fifth grade, tenth grade...and many times between, I am sure. learning faster than your classmates is, apparently, horrid at TPS. yeah, yeah, I get the whole discipline part of things, but for reals?!)

However...I couldn't find my copy or get one for my kindle. And I chose it because of the awesome vocab in it. So instead? Bill Bryson's A Short History of Nearly Everything. Terribly sciencey, a huge vocab used in the book and right now? She doesn't care. So I'm reading it. And omitting his cussing. :)

Oh, remember this? Yeah, I am crazy obsessed with mellowcreme pumpkins right now. Like, I've eaten four bags (with help) since they  came out.

The other night, I ate a whoopie pie, had a glass of wine and held the smallest human in the house. And I talked about mason jars. It was like I suddenly became southern.

BOULEVARD WHEAT is HERE, friends! In one year my fave icecream AND fave beer arrived in my state. Not to mention my favorite daughter, favorite aunt, favorite in-laws, favorite all sorts of things. I probably sounded like a raging alcoholic when I expressed my enthusiasm...and since buying it have had one beer. But seriously....it's imported from KANSAS :) And it makes me happy. Mission for tomorrow: buy a lemon and REALLY have one!

I am such--nay, SUCH--a mom. It took me forever to come up with things to mention so as to avoid discussing breastmilk and pumps and bottles and pumping bras. And that's just the list on a single subject!